Entertainment

3 friends die in a car accident and they go to an orientation in heaven.

They are all asked, "When you are in your casket and friends and family are mourning you, what would you like to hear them say about you?"

The first guy says, "I would like to hear them say that I was a great doctor of my time, and a great family man."

The second guy says, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher which made a huge difference in our children of tomorrow."

The last guy replies, "I would like to hear them say ...

LOOK, HE'S MOVING!!!!!!!!!!!!"

At the prestigious university there was a clear hierarchy that outlined how long one was to wait for a class to begin if the professor were absent. A full professor rated fifteen minutes. An associate only ten. A mere instructor was expected to be on time, if not early. This system worked only one way, however; and students were afforded no such grace.

It was to be expected, therefore, that one professor, the foremost authority in his field by his own admission, would register distinct annoyance when the student, just out of military service, was late for class for the third morning running.

"Tell me," the professor began, "exactly what did they say in the Army when you sauntered in late like this?"

"Well," mused the unperturbed youth, "first they saluted, then they inquired, 'How are you this morning, sir?'"

The secretary picked up the phone and heard a very "countryfied" voice on the other end saying; "I want to talk to the head hog at the trough!"

Puzzled, the secretary said, "Excuse me sir?"

He repeated; "I want to talk to the head hog at the trough!"

She then realized the man wanted to talk to the pastor.  Somewhat indignant she said, "Sir if you want to talk to our pastor, you will have to address him properly.  You should call him Pastor, or Reverend, or Brother, but you certainly cannot refer to him as the Head Hog at the Trough!"

The man on the other end said in a country drawl, "Oh I just wanted to donate $10,000 to the church."

The secretary promptly replied, "Can you hold please, I think the big pig just walked through the door!"

There was a woman who spent some months serving God in Kenya. On her final visit to a remote township she attended a medical clinic. As the Maasai women there began to sing together, she found herself deeply moved by their hauntingly beautiful harmonies.

She wanted to always remember so she recorded this moment and would share it with friends when she arrived home. With tears flowing down her cheeks, she turned to her friend and asked, "Can you please tell me the translation of the words to this song?"

Her friend looked at her an solemnly replied, "If you boil the water, you won't get dysentery."