*Things Not To Say to Your Pregnant Wife*

17.  "I finished the Oreos"

16.  "Not to imply anything, but I don't think the kid weighs 40 pounds."

15.  "Y'know, looking at her, you'd never guess that [insert beautiful movie actress' name here] had a baby!"

14.  "I sure hope your thighs aren't gonna stay that flabby forever!"

13.  "Well, couldn't they induce labor?  The 25th is the Super Bowl"

12.  "I'd be surprised if you ain't about 5 pounds away from a surprize visit from that Richard Simmons fella.'
 
11.  "Fred at the office passed a stone the size of a pea.  Boy, that's gotta hurt!"

10.  "Whoa!  For a minute there, I thought I woke up next to Willard Scott!"

9.  "I'm jealous!  Why can't men experience the joy of childbirth?

8.  "Are your ankles supposed to look like that?"

7.  "Get your *own* ice cream."

6.  "Wow, you're awfully puffy looking today!"

5.  "Got milk?"

4.  "Maybe we should name the baby after my secretary, Tawney."

3.  "Man!  That rose tattoo on your calf is the size of Madagascar!"

2.  "Retaining water?  Yeah, like the Hoover Dam retains water."

...  and...

1.  "You don't have the guts to throw that..........."