|
Written by Pastor Tim
|
|
Saturday, 16 August 2008 09:50 |
My 50-something friend Nancy and I decided to introduce her mother to the magic of the Internet. Our first move was to access the popular "Ask Jeeves" site, and we told her it could answer any question she had.
Nancy's mother was very skeptical until Nancy said, "It's true, Mom. Think of something to ask it."
As I sat with fingers poised over the keyboard, Nancy's mother thought a minute, then responded, "How is Aunt Helen feeling?" |
|
|
Written by Pastor Tim
|
|
Wednesday, 13 August 2008 17:06 |
These were taken from real Resumes and Cover Letters, and were printed in "Fortune" Magazine:
1. "I have lurnt Word Perfect 6.0 computor and spreadsheet pogroms."
2. "Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details."
3. "Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year."
4. "Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial institutions."
5. "Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave."
6. "Failed bar exam with relatively high grades."
7. "It's best for employers that I not work with people."
8. "Let's meet, so you can 'ooh' and 'aah' over my experience."
9. "I was working for my mom until she decided to move."
10. "Marital status: single. Unmarried. Unengaged. Uninvolved. No commitments."
11. "I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse."
12. "I am loyal to my employer at all costs... Please feel free to respond to my resume on my office voice mail."
13. "My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I possess no training in Meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage."
14. "I procrastinate, especially when the task is unpleasant."
15. "Personal interests: donating blood. Fourteen gallons so far."
16. "Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chainstore."
17. "Note: Please don't misconstrue my 14 jobs as 'job-hopping'. I have never quit a job."
18. "Marital status: often. Children: various."
19. "The company made me a scapegoat, just like my three previous employers."
20. "Finished eighth in class of ten."
21. "References: none. I've left a path of destruction behind me." |
|
Written by Pastor Tim
|
|
Tuesday, 12 August 2008 16:25 |
On many U.S. Navy ships the movie screen is suspended amid-ship so that it can be viewed from both sides. This procedure makes it available to larger crowds at popular movies, but usually the junior officers get a reverse image from 'the wrong side of the screen.'
One evening at dinnertime an enterprising young ensign passed the following word over the officers' IMC circuit: "The movie to be shown in the wardroom tonight for the senior officers is on the right side of the screen - The Right-Handed Gun, starring Paul Newman."
"For the junior officers on the wrong side of the screen - The Left-Handed Gun, starring Namwen Luap." |
|
|
Written by Pastor Tim
|
|
Saturday, 09 August 2008 13:13 |
A patient came to me to discuss her nine year old son who was having difficulty reading. The mother was worried that her son was, as she said, "lysdexic".
"Yes", I answered, "and it tends to run in families".
"No one else has it" she replied. |
|
Written by Pastor Tim
|
|
Friday, 01 August 2008 00:00 |
On Coast Guard cutters, low-ranking crewmembers take turns in the galley helping the cooks. One young seaman aboard was always dropping dishes and spilling food.
One day, alone in the galley, he noticed an unfrosted yellow sheet-cake cooling on a counter. Determined to rectify past errors, the seaman made chocolate icing and carefully decorated the cake with it. The seaman stood proudly by the dessert as the head cook returned to the galley.
Frantically, the cook began to look around. "Where did my cornbread go?" he shouted. |
|
Last Updated ( Thursday, 12 June 2008 10:26 )
|
|
|
|
|
<< Start < Prev 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 Next > End >>
|
|
Page 1 of 223 |
