God has worked such amazing miracles in my life over these last 14 months that I can’t keep quiet regarding His goodness and His love.  Every time I go out for coffee with a girlfriend conversation eventually comes around to life, and I spill the freedom and the beauty every time, because I want everyone to know and because I can’t keep it quiet.  It’s too good; and it’s completely available to every one of His children.

I should warn you, this post looks back at a difficult time.  This was the life that motivated me to look for something better.  It’s not pretty…

It first began to dawn on me that life was not as it should be about 5 years ago.  Nothing monumental happened, I was just in a very familiar place of being stuck – again.  Maybe it was because the frequency was increasing and certainly the intensity caught my attention.  Let me back up a little and fill you in.

I’m in a good marriage, and am blessed to be married to a really good man.  I live in a house that’s nicer than I ever imagined I would get to live in. My 3 children would have been in their pre to mid teens at that point, and they are really good kids.  We talk lots, laugh lots, and really enjoy each other’s company.  Our eldest daughter had just come through a year of thyroid cancer which included 3 surgeries and a radiation treatment.  God’s faithfulness and strength saw us through that year.  We came out the other side amazed by His faithfulness, and humbled by His goodness to us every step of the way. Everything in life was good – except on the inside of me.

I began the Breaking Free Bible study in January of 2008.  Life was generally good, but on the inside of me I was struggling – struggling with depression, struggling with being unreasonably frustrated with my husband, struggling with making suppers, struggling with housework, struggling with being consistent in spending time with God, struggling with life.

I had no expectations going into the study – perhaps indicative of another broken place in my heart from childhood – but I knew my only hope of anything better in life was in God’s Word.  I knew I had to read it and let God have access to everything in my heart.  I was more than ready to do that.

In his introduction to the book of Galatians Eugene Peterson, writer of The Message, states:  “Through Jesus, Paul learned that God was not an impersonal force to be used to make people behave in certain prescribed ways, but a personal Savior who set us free to live a free life.  God did not coerce us from without, but set us free from within.”

I’m so hesitant to write today – Peterson’s words exactly describe my experience.  I’ve been completely set free from within, and that has changed everything for me.  Yet I know so many who have had life hit them remarkably hard.

To know I was loved was an entirely brand-new experience for me.  It wasn’t for lack of people in my life saying they loved me… I know Tim loves me, my kids often say they love me, my in-laws are truly incredible, and significantly more than my own parents would verbalize their love for me.  Yet, and I imagine many of you understand, as I heard the words my heart always qualified it in some way.

Now, even if nobody else said a thing, my heart was transported by the complete security and assurance of being truly loved.  Then to think that this love was coming from God Himself – Almighty, Creator, Redeemer – well, that just pushed me right over the top.   This was when I first noticed everything changing…