Monthly Archive

"Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples." - George Burns read more..

"The telephone company is urging people to please not use the telephone unless it is absolutely necessary in order to keep the lines open for emergency personnel. We'll be right back after this break read more..

"Experience is a wonderful thing - it enables you to recognize a mistake every time you repeat it." read more..

"The main problem with old age is that you don't grow out of it." read more..

"I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, ta read more..

"The human brain is like a TV set. When it goes blank, it's time to turn off the sound." - Pat Elphinstone read more..

"It isn't necessary to be rich and famous to be happy. It's only necessary to be rich." - Alan Alda read more..

"By all means marry: If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher." - Socrates read more..

"Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult." - Charlotte Whitton read more..

"On cable TV they have a weather channel - 24 hours of weather. We had something like that where I grew up. We called it a window." - Dan Spencer read more..

"Youth would be an ideal state if it came a little later in life." - Herbert Henry Asquith read more..

"I never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back." - Zsa Zsa Gabor read more..

"Can't sleep? Try counting your blessings." read more..

"Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister and now wish to withdraw that statement." - Mark Twain read more..

"Never let your sense of morals keep you from doing what is right." read more..

"Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first." - Mark Twain read more..

My mom said she learned how to swim when someone took her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. I said, "Mom, they weren't trying to teach you how to swim." - Paula Poundstone... read more..

"If you woke up breathing, congratulations - you have another chance!" read more..

"Life is not about how fast you run, or how high you climb, but how well you bounce." read more..

"Humor is just another defense against the universe." - Mel Brooks read more..

"Work like you don't need the money. Love like you've never been hurt. Dance like nobody's watching." read more..

"Egotism is the anesthetic that dulls the pain of stupidity." - Frank Leahy read more..

"Destiny is something not to be desired and not to be avoided." - Dag Hammarskjold, former head of the United Nations read more..

"Accept good advice gracefully--as long as it doesn't interfere with what you intended to do in the first place." -- Gene Brown read more..

"We could learn a lot from crayons: some are sharp, some are pretty, some are dull, some have weird names, and all are different colors.... but they all have to learn to live in the same box." read more..

"As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools." read more..

"Evil is not something superhuman, it's something less than human." - Agatha Christie read more..

"I stopped believing in Santa Claus when my mother took me to see him in a department store, and he asked for my autograph." - Shirley Temple read more..

"Leave Christ in Christmas - Don't Xmas Him out." read more..

"He that but looketh on a plate of ham and egg to lust after it, hath already committed breakfast with it in his heart." read more..