August 2004 - Monthly Archive

31 Aug

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

4709

All Roads Lead Back to Rome

The U.S. Standard railroad gauge (distance between the rails) is 4 feet, 8.5 inches. That's an exceedingly odd number. Why was that gauge used?Because that's the way they built them ... read more..

31 Aug

Dr. Harold McNabb

4237

For those of you I haven't told, my grandson says he saw an angel in our worship one Sunday.Micah is almost 3 and his parents have raised him to know that Jesus loves him, and I guess he also knows ab... read more..

31 Aug

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

3215

Clothes Hamper

I asked my two-year-old to take his dirty clothes and put them into the hamper.He looked puzzled, and I explained, "You know; it's the place where we put our dirty clothes before they're washed."My so... read more..

30 Aug

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

4600

Wimpy Dad

One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her small boy into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep... read more..

30 Aug

Melva's Devotions

Melva Cooper

4830

The Olympics

"For no one can lay any other foundation than?Jesus Christ. Now anyone who builds on that foundation may use gold, silver, jewels, wood, hay or straw. I Corinthians 3:11-12 (NLT) Athens has fore read more..

30 Aug

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

2830

Goober Compensation

If you are wondering what a Goober is, there is a picture of one at:https://www.cybersalt.org/pastor-tim-s-cleanlaugh-site/what-is-a-gooberTwo goobers were talking.One was explaining to the other how ... read more..

28 Aug

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

4178

Foreign Phrases - Sort of

A New York magazine recently ran a contest. The rules were to take any well-known phrase in a foreign language, change just a single letter, and then provide a definition for the new expression.... read more..

27 Aug

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

4381

G.I. Excuses

The General went out to find that none of his GIs were there. One finally ran up, panting heavily. "Sorry, sir! I can explain, you see I had a date and it ran a little late. I ran t... read more..

27 Aug

Barb's Mantle

Pastor Tim

5673

Temporal Versus Eternal

'A woman's house is her castle'. And you just don't bother a woman's castle. I'm speaking from a woman's point of view. Many of us have things we cherish, and want to keep. We put them away, and forge read more..

27 Aug

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

2866

Perfect Mate

At a local coffee bar, a young woman was expounding on her idea of the perfect mate to some of her friends."The man I marry must be a shining light amongst company. He must be musical. Tell jokes. Sin... read more..

26 Aug

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

13062

Ghandi Pun

Mahatma Ghandi walked barefoot everywhere, to the point that the soles of his feet became quite thick and hard. Being a very spiritual person, he ate very little, and often fasted. As a result,... read more..

26 Aug

The Spur

Marcia Lee Laycock

5686

Praying with Our Eyes Open

The waitress placed a large bowl of salad in the middle of the table and handed plates all round. Spence and I chatted with our friends for another few moments, while the waitress poured tall glasse read more..

26 Aug

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

2969

Where's Mommy

One evening after dinner, a five-year-old boy noticed that his mother had gone out and he asked his father, "Where did mommy go?"In answer to his question, he was told, "Mommy is at a Tupperware party... read more..

25 Aug

Peggie's Den

Pastor Tim

7589

All Aboard MRS. Noah's Ark!

A Hurting Word... Now we all know it was MR. Noah who built the ark and bossed the ark--with the Lord's help, of course!! But it's Mother's Day, and we also know that behind every successful man, the... read more..

25 Aug

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

3463

Grandpa And The Computer

*Grandpa And The Computer*The computer swallowed GrandpaYes honestly, its true.He pressed 'control' and 'enter'And disappeared from view.It's devoured him completelyThe thought just makes me squirm.Ma read more..

24 Aug

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

4584

"Grace"ous Host

A woman invited some people to dinner. At the table, she turned to their six-year-old daughter and said, "Would you like to say the blessing?" "I wouldn't know what to say," the girl replied. ... read more..

24 Aug

Barb's Mantle

Pastor Tim

5260

Acceptance

Acceptance Weekly devotional by Barbara Sanders Everyone wants to feel wanted, to be accepted. Many spend a lifetime trying to gain acceptance in one way or another. They worry about what ... read more..

24 Aug

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

2915

Distraught Senior

A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor's office."Is it true," she wanted to know, "that the medication you prescribed has to be taken for the rest of my life?""Yes, I'm afraid so," the doctor t... read more..

23 Aug

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

5231

Poor Preacher

After the church service a little boy told the pastor, "When I grow up, I'm going to give you some money." "Well, thank you," the pastor replied, "but why?" "Because my daddy says you're one of the ... read more..

22 Aug

The Spur

Marcia Lee Laycock

4014

Excuses, Excuses

Teachers hear all kinds of excuses. Like this one - "You cannot hold me responsible for knowing the material on this test, as I was sleeping during all of your lectures. As you did not wake me up, read more..

22 Aug

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

2973

Walking Recovery

An old fellow came into the hospital truly on death's door due to an infected gallbladder. The surgeon who removed the gallbladder was adamant that his patients be up and walking in the hall the day ... read more..

How to Keep from Getting Spiritually Weird

21 Aug

Guest Authors

Pastor Tim

6627

How to Keep from Getting Spiritually Weird

One of my students observed that a whole lot of folks who have gone spiritually weird seemed to start out great, but their lives as honorable Christians ended early. They found themselves unequipped t... read more..

20 Aug

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

3920

Interesting Thoughts

Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack? If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled? When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts," and you put your two cents in, what h... read more..

20 Aug

Melva's Devotions

Melva Cooper

4368

Precious Thoughts

"How precious it is, Lord, to realize that you are thinking about me constantly!I can't even count how many times a day your thoughts turn toward me?"Psalm 139:17,18 (LB) Two of our grandchildren read more..

20 Aug

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

2615

Fish Heads

A customer at Green's Gourmet Grocery marveled at the proprietor's quick wit and intelligence."Tell me, Green, what makes you so smart?""I wouldn't share my secret with just anyone," Green replies, lo... read more..

19 Aug

Peggie's Den

Pastor Tim

5115

Bone of My Bone...CLONE of My CLONE??

Adam and Eve started it...no, GOD started it--it was HIS idea. He took a rib from Adam's side and made Adam a helpmate. It was a BONE, not a CLONE...and I LIKE His creative idea. I D... read more..

19 Aug

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

2866

Kissing Son

I was in line at a restaurant. In front of me was a mother with her college-age son and his girlfriend. It was in the middle of the dinner rush, and many customers were restless at the long wait, but ... read more..

If Dr. Seuss Wrote for Star Trek: The Next Generation

18 Aug

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

3725

If Dr. Seuss Wrote for Star Trek: The Next Generation

Picard: Sigma Indri, that's the star,So, Data, please, how far? How far? Data: Our ship can get there very fastBut still the trip will last and lastWe'll have two days til we arriveBut can the Indran... read more..

18 Aug

Barb's Mantle

Pastor Tim

5489

I Want My Daddy!

How many times have you heard, "I want my Daddy!" from your youngsters? Perhaps you just administered punishment for something they had done, and they thought Daddy would come to the rescue. I ... read more..

18 Aug

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

2624

Young Dressing

When I was 28, I was teaching English in a high school where occasionally the faculty and staff were allowed to dress down. One of those days I donned a sweatshirt and slacks.A student came in, and hi... read more..