August 2005 - Monthly Archive

31 Aug

Appreciation Notes

Pastor Tim

7102

I have met the most wonderful girl.

Hey Pastor Tim! How are you? I just wanted to send you a quick thank you for recomending eHarmony to me several months ago. I have met the most wonderful girl, her name is (removed for pr... read more..

31 Aug

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

3778

More Church Bulletin Bloopers

Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa will be speaking tonight at Calvary Memorial Church in Racine. Come tonight and hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa. PRAYER & FASTING CONFERENCE... read more..

When You Don't Feel Like Sharing Your Faith

31 Aug

Guest Authors

Pastor Tim

6042

When You Don't Feel Like Sharing Your Faith

Sharing our faith isn't easy. I know--as a young man, I was convinced I didn't have the gift of evangelism. It was obvious. No matter how hard I tried, no one was coming to faith in Jesus Christ. Noth... read more..

31 Aug

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

2936

How To Train A Cat

Our young daughter had adopted a stray cat. To my distress, he began to use the back of our new sofa as a scratching post. "Don't worry," my husband reassured me. "I'll have him trained in no time."I ... read more..

30 Aug

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

4415

Goober Circle

A goober had just bought a new sports car and was out for a drive when she swerved unexpectedly and cut off an eighteen- wheeled trailer truck. The driver was very angry, and motioned for her to... read more..

30 Aug

The Spur

Marcia Lee Laycock

3580

Religion and Relationship

I heard a new word a while ago. At least, it was new to me. My husband and I were attending an evening worship service at a church conference. A young man stood on a stage, ready to lead a large audie... read more..

30 Aug

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

9725

Holding Hands

While at the mall, I saw an elderly couple holding hands while they were walking. As they approached, I commented on how romantic it was.He replied, "We have been holding hands when we go out in publi... read more..

29 Aug

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

5456

Perspective

An English professor wrote the words, "a woman without her man is nothing" on the blackboard and directed the students to punctuate it correctly. The men wrote: "A woman, without her man, is nothing.... read more..

Storm In Progress: Hurricanes of the Heart

29 Aug

Peggie's Den

Peggie Bohanon

3850

Storm In Progress: Hurricanes of the Heart

I live in "tornado alley" in the Midwest, and while tornadoes are not funny at all, I do have a funny memory of my feisty, elderly mom climbing into a bathtub with some sort of huge pillow protection ... read more..

29 Aug

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

7343

Scavenger Hunt

A woman answered her front door and saw a little boy holding a list. "Ma'am," he explained, "I'm on a scavenger hunt, and I still need three grains of wheat, a pork-chop bone and a piece of used carb... read more..

28 Aug

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

4024

One and Only

"Mum, teacher was asking me today if I have any brothers or sisters who will be coming to school." "That's nice of her to take such an interest, dear. What did she say when you told her you are read more..

28 Aug

God's Penman

Rev. James L. Snyder

3605

Some Mysteries Are Tough To Solve

For my wife's birthday (I'm not allowed to mention which one) I surprised her with roundtrip tickets to her family reunion in upper New York State. Out of courtesy to her I elected not to include myse... read more..

28 Aug

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

2978

Worker Ants

The teacher was giving her class of seven-year-olds a natural history lesson. "Worker ants," she told them, "can carry pieces of food five times their own weight. What do you conclude from that?"One c... read more..

27 Aug

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

3888

Three Red Lights

Two elderly women were out driving in a large car. Neither could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along approaching an intersection, the stoplight was red but they just... read more..

26 Aug

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

4707

Newbie Preacher

A newly appointed young preacher was contacted by the local funeral director to hold a graveside service at a small country cemetery. There was to be no funeral, just the committal, because the decea... read more..

25 Aug

Barb's Mantle

Barbara Sanders

3887

A New Day

I'm back! It's been a few weeks since I've put out the newsletter. But, I've been busy. We had a revival at our church, and a death in my husband's family. So, I've just been taking time off, resting,... read more..

25 Aug

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

4228

The Perfect Worker

From a reference letter . . . 1 Bob Smith, my assistant programmer, can always be found2 hard at work in his cubicle. Bob works independently, without3 wasting company time talking to colleagues. Bob... read more..

25 Aug

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

3295

All Purpose Excuse Form

Here is an all purpose excuse form, designed to get you out of the trouble you've gotten yourself into. Where there's a multiple choice, pick the one that works best for your situation and just go wit... read more..

24 Aug

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

3875

Need a Push

A man is in bed with his wife when there is a rat-a-tat-tat on the door. He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it's half past three in the morning. "I'm not getting out of bed at this time"... read more..

24 Aug

The Spur

Marcia Lee Laycock

3755

Acting Like Dodo Birds

One of my daughter's favourite cartoon movies is Ice Age. She has watched it so many times she almost knows the dialogue by heart. I must admit, it is a funny movie. Like all good cartoons, the charac... read more..

24 Aug

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

7618

Hybrid Car

My uncle in Detroit tried to make a new kind of car. He took the engine from a Ford, the transmission from an Oldsmobile, the tires from a Cadillac, and the exhaust system from a Plymouth.""Really? Wh... read more..

23 Aug

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

4767

Church Hopping

A man was stranded on the proverbial deserted Pacific island for years. Finally one day a boat comes sailing into view, and the man frantically waves and draws the skipper's attention. The boat ... read more..

23 Aug

Guest Authors

Pastor Tim

4919

The Real Issue Of Scopes

I was reading an article someone sent me from the Orange County Register , July 27, 1994. The title is "Teach Science as Science: A Teacher's Lawsuit Revisits the Scopes Trial." This is a reference to... read more..

23 Aug

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

3344

Crowded Bus

It was rush hour, and when the bus finally arrived, it was packed. I tried to force my way on, but no one would budge, although there was ample room in the back. Then the bus driver took over."Excuse ... read more..

22 Aug

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

6770

Plus or Minus One

In a contest in The Washington Post, readers were asked to take an expression using a number, add or subtract one, and create a new definition: The Year 2001 Problem:How to find jobs for all those pr... read more..

22 Aug

Dr. Harold McNabb

3296

Baby in the Bulrushes

We live with tension in our lives between conflicting beliefs and obligations. Most are resolved easily with common sense. The right of free speech does not mean the right to yell "fire" in a crowded ... read more..

22 Aug

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

3115

Golf Deduction

Taking advantage of a balmy day in New York, a priest and three other men of the cloth swapped their clerical garb for polos and khakis and time out on the golf course. After several really horrible s... read more..

21 Aug

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

10625

Trio of Puns

Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much. The second one, natur... read more..

21 Aug

God's Penman

Rev. James L. Snyder

3380

Behold The Ever-Changing Faces Of Time

I have a friend, well actually, I have more than one friend but they are harder to count than the calories in my diet. I will refrain from mentioning my friend's name, although I'm not sure why. If read more..

21 Aug

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

2851

Vacation Cut

Before going on vacation, I decided on the spur of the moment to have my very long, permed hair cut to a very short style shaved to the neck.My first day back, I passed my boss in the hallway. "Did yo... read more..