2005 - Monthly Archive - Results from #540

07 Jun

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

4513

Chet's Graduation

It's graduation day, and everybody's going to get their diploma but Chet. At the assembly, the entire senior class stands up and shouts "Let Chet graduate, let Chet graduate!" The principal agrees t... read more..

07 Jun

Barb's Mantle

Barbara Sanders

5194

Is Your Vision Blurred?

When one mentions vision, people automatically think of your eyes. Vision does have to do with the eyes, possibly, in more ways than one. For your every day vision, you need to keep your eyes tested a... read more..

07 Jun

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

2806

Exercise Program

Here is an exercise program for those of us whose wisdom exceeds our ambition. The doctor told me "Physical exercise is good for you." I know that I should do it, but my body is out of shape, so I hav... read more..

06 Jun

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

4001

Fortunate Aged People

Old folks are worth a fortune: With silver in their hair, gold in their teeth, stones in their kidneys, lead in their feet and gas in their stomachs. I have become more social with the passing o... read more..

06 Jun

Dr. Harold McNabb

3679

David's Grief Observed

By adulthood most of us have experience with grieving the loss of someone we love. David has just learned that his best friend, Jonathan and King Saul, Jonathan's father have been killed in battle. Wh... read more..

06 Jun

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

3419

Zucchini Sign

After harvesting the usual bumper crop of squash last year, I took a half-dozen to the office. I piled them on the table in the break room and posted a sign advertising them as free.The next day I no... read more..

06 Jun

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

3829

Pet Hotline

The Iams Pet Professionals, a team of 30 trained customer service representatives at The Iams Company, handle more than 300,000 inquiries a year from pet owners across the country. Although the majori... read more..

05 Jun

Rev. Spence Laycock

3704

The Connective Tissue of Leadership

Our bodies are amazing acts of creation. As I looked at some of the details of how they work, I was amazed to find just how much our body does. Did you know that in one twenty four hour period your he... read more..

05 Jun

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

3024

Tracing Family

Dear Abby:I have always wanted to have my family history traced, but I can't afford to spend a lot of money to do it.Any suggestions?Sam in California------------------------------------------Dear Sam... read more..

04 Jun

Melva's Devotions

Melva Cooper

4741

Build On A Rock

Multimillion-dollar houses came crashing down a hill in Southern California. Power poles popped and cracked as they tumbled right before everyone's eyes. Grabbing their children and pets, many people ... read more..

04 Jun

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

2925

Ignored Phone

The boss was very exasperated with his new secretary. She ignored the telephone when it rang."You must answer the telephone," he told her irritably."All right," she replied, "but it seems so silly. Ni... read more..

03 Jun

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

7350

First Things First

Bob had finally made it to the last round of the $64,000 Question. The night before the big question, he told the Emcee that he desired a question on American History. The big night had arrived... read more..

Another Day Late And $3.96 Short This Time

03 Jun

God's Penman

Rev. James L. Snyder

3488

Another Day Late And $3.96 Short This Time

No day is complete for me unless I forget something. It does not matter what I forget as long as what I forget disrupts my day in some way. Rare is the day in May when I forget to forget something. read more..

03 Jun

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

3017

Kids Off Track

Kids statements that are a little... off track:* God bless America thru the night with a light from a bulb!* Oh Susanna, Oh don't you cry for me, For I come from Alabama with a band-aid on my knee!* G... read more..

02 Jun

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

3976

Unfinished Quest

Long, long ago an old Indian chief was about to die, so he called for Geronimo and Falling Rocks, the two bravest warriors in his tribe. The chief instructed each to go out and seek buffalo skin... read more..

02 Jun

Barb's Mantle

Barbara Sanders

4440

Using The Right Fertilizer?

Flowers are beautiful this time of year. Some have been in bloom for awhile; others have just begun to put on buds. The gardens around the area are just blossoming with blooms of all colors, shapes, f... read more..

02 Jun

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

2928

Every Word

A professor asked a student to remain for a few moments after class. Holding out the young man's assignment, the professor said, "Did you write this poem all by yourself?"The student said, "Every word... read more..

01 Jun

The Spur

Marcia Lee Laycock

3147

The Seeds of Discovery

My husband and I watched a film recently that had a lot to do with discovery. A man with a brilliant brain, insatiable curiosity and more than a little ambition set himself and others on a path that l... read more..

01 Jun

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

8120

Think You're Having A Bad Day?

So you think you're having a bad day. A man was working on his motorcycle on his patio and his wife was in the house in the kitchen. The man was racing the engine on the motorcycle and somehow,... read more..

01 Jun

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

3108

College Cure

Two men sank into adjacent train seats after a long day in the city. One asked the other, "Your son go back to college yet?""Two days ago.""Mine's a senior this year, so it's almost over. In May, he'l... read more..

31 May

Guest Authors

Pastor Tim

4968

Christians Aren't Allowed to Be Jerks

One of my callers had a valid question. He asked if there is such a thing as mean-spirited Christians. My answer was, yes, Christians do all kinds of bad things, unfortunately. I have to confess to y... read more..

31 May

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

4593

Tired of Rejection?

Tired of being rejected for jobs - maybe this form letter will come in handy. Dear [Interviewer's Name]: Thank you for your letter of [Date of Interview]. After careful consideration, I regret to in... read more..

31 May

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

3034

Newspaper Ads

**Our experienced mother will care for your child. Fenced yards, meals and smacks included.**Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.**Girl wanted to assist magician in cutti read more..

31 May

Misc

pirate

2020

Loud Teenagers...

Cycling home from Cluster tonight (that's church speak for a group bigger than homegroup and smaller than the church congregation) two lasses were heckling passers by. An amusing comment floated ... read more..

30 May

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

3895

"If It" Office Advice

If it rings, answer it. Talk kindly. If it clanks, call the repairman. If it whistles, ignore it. If it is a friend, take a break. If it is the boss, look busy. If it talks, take notes. If it is handw... read more..

Planting Your Family's Roots Deeply into the Local Church

30 May

Guest Authors

Pastor Tim

4844

Planting Your Family's Roots Deeply into the Local Church

How essential is the local church in developing strong, godly families? One man told me the church definitely takes second or third place in his list of priorities. "Family has to come first," he said... read more..

30 May

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

2774

Executive Approval

For many years I worked as a receptionist and switchboard operator at a busy company. After a good annual review, my supervisor told me I was up for a raise, pending approval of the vice president.A m... read more..

29 May

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

3999

Goober Farmers

There were two farmers, neither one had much common sense. They were told by the Forman to put the mule in the barn. When they led the mule over to the barn, they decided that the mule's ears were too... read more..

29 May

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

5097

Window Washer

There was a gentleman in the hospital bed next to me. He was covered with bandages from head to toe. I said to him, "What do you do for a living?" He said, "Well, I used to be a window washer." I a... read more..

28 May

Misc

pirate

2088

Saturday at work

(Ooops, I nearly broke the Blogging system, see below - sorry about that folks.) Colleagues & customers will be somewhat bemused on Teusday. We spent Saturday rearranging stock, shelving and read more..