2005 - Monthly Archive - Results from #810

07 Mar

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

8774

Understanding the Metric System

1 million microphones = 1 megaphone1 million bicycles = 2 megacycles2000 mockingbirds = 2 kilomockingbirds10 cards = 1 decacards (or is it 52 cards = 1 deck-a-cards?)1/2 lavatory = 1 demijohn1 million read more..

07 Mar

Barb's Mantle

Barbara Sanders

3920

All In How You Play The Game

When your children or grandchildren play sports, you become an avid sports fan, believe me! We have four grandchildren playing sports - football, basketball, and soccer. Right now, it's soccer season,... read more..

07 Mar

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

3365

Shoplifter Excuse

My friend, the manager of a grocery store, nabbed a shoplifter in the act. He was escorting the suspect to the office in the front of the store (near the cash registers), when the shoplifter broke fr... read more..

06 Mar

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

4653

Politically Correct Football

The Politically Correct National Football League would like to announce its name changes and schedules for the coming season: The Washington Native Americans will host the New York Very Tall People o... read more..

06 Mar

Rev. Spence Laycock

3542

Can You Trust It?

What kind of handshake do you have, is it one that is firm but brief in duration, is it soft but hangs on, do your eyes meet their eyes, do they shake your hand or just hold it, do men and women have ... read more..

05 Mar

Peggie's Den

Peggie Bohanon

4198

Clean Is Clean!

"Clean is clean"--depending on who's speaking! If it's my sons claiming they've "cleaned" their rooms, clean is NOT clean in MOM'S eyes...and when they hung him on the cross, he was not clean ei read more..

05 Mar

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

4401

Soap and Water

A minister was asked to dinner by one of his parishioners, who he knew was an unkempt housekeeper. When he sat down at the table, he noticed that the dishes were the dirtiest that he had ever se... read more..

05 Mar

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

2818

What is Marketing?

What is Marketing?You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say, "I am very rich. Marry me!" That's Direct MarketingYou're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl. On... read more..

04 Mar

Melva's Devotions

Melva Cooper

5772

Long Term Care

Until a few weeks ago my husband's 91 year-old mother was able, with help, to still live at home. That all changed when she fell getting out of bed. There were no broken bones, but she had a severely ... read more..

04 Mar

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

4258

Removing The Dents

A goober left his car out in a hail storm. When the storm was over he checked the car and found out it was covered with small dents. He went to the local garage and inquired how to fix the... read more..

04 Mar

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

2774

Second Try

The insurance salesman, trying to start up a conversation with another fella said, "Who is the ugly lady over there?"The second man said, "Why, that's my wife!"Trying to get out of an embarrassing sit... read more..

03 Mar

Cybersalt Shaker

Pastor Tim

5015

Handiwork and Heart

I have discovered that one of the benefits of having teenagers in my home is that many of the gifts they get are things that I can enjoy playing with. Consider, for example, my son's Nintendo Game Cub... read more..

03 Mar

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

6241

Keeping Warm

(switch this one around to suit your favourite/favorite make) Chevy has added wires to the rear window to clear fog and frost. Dodge is adding wires under the wipers so they can be freed when frozen read more..

03 Mar

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

2614

Surgeon Feedback

Surgeons invited to dinner parties are often asked to carve the meat -- or worse yet, to watch the host carve while commenting on the surgeon's occupation. At one party, a surgeon friend was watching... read more..

03 Mar

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

6078

Boy Scout Tips

A Scout Master was teaching his boy scouts about survival in the desert. "What are the three most important things you should bring with you in case you get lost in the desert?" he asked. Sever... read more..

02 Mar

Pastor Bert Nieuwenhuis

4800

Lent and Fasting

A Catholic priest working in an inner city was walking down an alley one evening on his way home when a young man came down the alley behind him and poked a knife against his back. "Give me your money... read more..

01 Mar

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

2816

Wise President

When the wise company president learned that his employees were tanking up on no-trace vodka martinis during their lunch hours, he issued the following memo:To all employees; If you must drink during ... read more..

28 Feb

Barb's Mantle

Barbara Sanders

4761

Keeping Up With the Joneses?

So much time is spent worrying about what the Joneses have! What do they have? A large, new home, extravagantly furnished, is built in the up-scaled district of town. Their transportation has been upg... read more..

28 Feb

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

3349

College Laundry

My son Mark was only 5 feet, 8 inches tall when he left for college in the fall. He worked through the Christmas holidays and didn't return home again until the February break.When he got off the pla... read more..

27 Feb

Peggie's Den

Peggie Bohanon

6604

At The Foot Of The Cross

They gathered at the Cross that day--the women who loved Him; the guards who stole from Him; the crowd who watched Him--they were all there, to worship, to weep, to mock, to scorn--and to see! T... read more..

27 Feb

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

2803

Maine Vets

Dr. Cutter is the local Veterinarian, known for his wry humor. He surpassed himself one summer day when a city dog was brought to him after an encounter with a porcupine.After almost an hour of pryin... read more..

26 Feb

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

4265

Goober Mom Writes Goober Son

Dear Son, I am writing slow because I know you can't read fast. We don't live where we did when you left. Your Dad read in the paper that most accidents happen within 20 miles of home, s... read more..

26 Feb

Rev. Spence Laycock

3958

Thessalonian Evidence

Have you ever worried about someone, about how they were doing or how things would turn out? For several years a woman had been having trouble getting to sleep at night because she feared burglars. On... read more..

26 Feb

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

2781

Mother Ring

While picking up a prescription, I noticed that the woman who gave me my medication was wearing a beautiful mother's ring. "I love your ring," I said. "It's very similar to mine." And I held out my h... read more..

25 Feb

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

4703

Have More Fun at Church

After church on Sunday morning, a young boy suddenly announced to his mother, "Mom, I've decided I'm going to be a minister when I grow up. "That's okay with us," the mother said, "But what made you ... read more..

25 Feb

The Spur

Marcia Lee Laycock

3644

Restoration In Montreal

I was raised with all the tenets of The Church, and tried to do all the right things, say all the right prayers, keep all the right ordinances. I left it, convinced I just wasn't good enough for God. ... read more..

How You Can Tell It's Going to Be a Rotten Day

24 Feb

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

5158

How You Can Tell It's Going to Be a Rotten Day

-You wake up face down on the pavement. -You call Suicide Prevention and they put you on hold. -You see a "60 Minutes" news team waiting in your office. -Your birthday cake collapses from the weigh read more..

24 Feb

God's Penman

Rev. James L. Snyder

4825

The One Great Sermon That Got Away

Most people don't realize ministers are obligated to prepare and preach one great sermon in their career. In looking over my record of sermons, I noticed many "good" sermons, but an obvious lack in th... read more..

24 Feb

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

2787

Rattlesnakes

Felix, my husband, was playing golf with our town's fire chief when he hit a ball into the rough. As Felix headed for the brush to find his ball, the chief warned him, "Be careful, the rattlesnakes a... read more..

23 Feb

Dr. Harold McNabb

4253

The Man Who Came By Night

If you have ever been annoyed or rude with a telemarketer, there is a true story you should hear: In May 2002, Leonardo Diaz, a Colombian hiker, decided to do some serious mountain climbing wi... read more..