2005 - Monthly Archive - Results from #900

30 Jan

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

4644

Temperance River

A preacher was completing a temperance sermon: with great expression he said, "If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river." With even greater emphasis he said, "And i... read more..

30 Jan

Dr. Harold McNabb

Pastor Tim

3755

Beattitude

I came across this story, which sounds just wacky enough to maybe be true: In New York City, there are eight million cats and eleven million dogs. New York City is basically just concrete and ... read more..

30 Jan

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

2730

Wakeup Fight

Following an especially angry argument, Mr. and Mrs. Smith went to bed not speaking to each other. Needing to arise early the following morning, Mr. Smith left a note on his wife's bedside table t... read more..

29 Jan

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

4244

First Time Skydiver

A man goes skydiving for the first time. After listening to the instructor for what seems like days, he is ready to go. Excited, he jumps out of the plane. After a bit, he pulls the ripco... read more..

29 Jan

Barb's Mantle

Barbara Sanders

3878

Putting Our Trust In God

Today, in the beauty shop, I saw an older couple that I've known for many years, probably 45 or more. I was so stunned at their appearance. They lost their youngest son about two years ago, who was mu... read more..

29 Jan

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

2950

Published Sermons

After a particularly inspiring worship service, a church member greeted the pastor. "Reverend, that was a wonderful sermon. You should have it published."The pastor replied, "Actually, I'm planning ... read more..

29 Jan

God's Penman

Rev. James L. Snyder

3746

What Whine Goes With Cooked Goose?

Some who know me suggest I might be a wee bit absentminded at times. I prefer to think of it as simply being actively engaged in processing thoughts; giving the tiny gray cells a good workout. My mott... read more..

28 Jan

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

4326

I Just Can't Drive Today

For the second time in a row, I was forced to impose on the woman with whom I carpooled to our children's soccer practices. I phoned and explained that my husband had the car again, so I wouldn't be ... read more..

28 Jan

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

2782

Immigrations Card

Some years ago an Englishman on a plane to Australia was handed one of those immigration/visitation cards to fill out.After the standard questions, like name, nationality, passport number, etc., he go... read more..

27 Jan

Peggie's Den

Peggie Bohanon

4210

Down...in the Belly of the Deep!

No, it's not a new Bible story--it's the same wonderful story--and I know--it was NOT a whale--it was a big FISH! Now that we've straightened out that theological twist that you might bring up...and T... read more..

27 Jan

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

4167

Add Some Fun To Life

Add Some Fun To Life Put your garbage can on your desk and label it 'IN'. Page yourself over the intercom. (Don't disguise your voice.) Send e-mail messages that advertise free pizza, dough... read more..

27 Jan

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

3681

Say Something Positive

A husband and wife are getting ready for bed. The wife is standing in front of a full-length mirror taking a hard look at herself."You know, dear," she says, "I look in the mirror, and I see an old w... read more..

26 Jan

The Spur

Marcia Lee Laycock

2983

A Matter of Concentration

In his wonderful devotional book, My Utmost for His Highest, Oswald Chambers says - "Narrow all your interests until the attitude of mind and heart and body is concentration on Jesus Christ." This mak... read more..

26 Jan

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

9942

Lazy Cobbler

A man went into a shoe repair store in his hometown that he had not been in for almost twenty years. He found everything just the way he remembered it. He went up to the counter and asked ... read more..

26 Jan

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

3383

Expecting

A young private sought permission from his Commanding Officer to leave camp the following weekend. "You see," he explained, "my wife is expecting.""Oh..." said the Officer, "I understand. Go ahead a... read more..

25 Jan

Guest Authors

Pastor Tim

5235

When All is Said and Done

A 10-year-old girl made the following observation: "Heaven is a nice place to go, but nobody's in a hurry to get there." And, you know, she's almost right.Why is it that many Christians aren't excited... read more..

25 Jan

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

4770

I'm Not Old - I'm Just Mature

I'M NOT OLD...JUST MATUREToday at the drugstore, the clerk was a gent.From my purchase this chap took off ten percent.I asked for the cause of a lesser amount;And he answered, "Because of the Seniors ... read more..

25 Jan

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

3125

8-Year-Old Asks

An 8-year-old girl went to her dad, who was working in the yard. She asked him, "Daddy, what is sex?"The father was surprised that she would ask such a question, but decided that if she was old enoug... read more..

24 Jan

Dr. Harold McNabb

3942

Following Jesus is Not for Sissies

You are scanning a London newspaper near the turn of the last century looking through the help wanted ads. Your eyes fall on an unusual ad. It reads: "MEN WANTED: FOR HAZARDOUS JOURNEY. SMALL WAGES, ... read more..

24 Jan

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

4081

New Windows Error Messages

Smash forehead on keyboard to continue. Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue. Press any key to continue or any other key to quit. Press any key except... no, No, NO, NOT THAT ONE! Pre... read more..

24 Jan

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

3796

Resurrection Update

A singing group call "The Resurrection" was scheduled to sing at a church.Everyone was excited about the concert and looked forward to the event. We were disappointed when a big snowstorm postponed t... read more..

24 Jan

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

4742

Name The Twins

A pregnant woman from Washington, D.C. gets in a car accident and falls into a deep coma. Asleep for nearly 6 months, when she wakes up she sees that she is no longer pregnant and frantica... read more..

23 Jan

Cybersalt Shaker

Pastor Tim

5783

Mileage and Marriage

Imagine, if you will, that if by right reading of the Bible and careful obedience to its most basic and foundational teachings, Christians could increase the mileage of any of their cars or trucks to ... read more..

23 Jan

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

2995

Surgery Beauty

Irving was just coming out of anesthesia after a series of tests in the hospital, and his wife, Sarah, was sitting at his bedside. His eyes fluttered open, and he murmured, "You're beautiful."Flatter... read more..

How To Have An Argument With Yourself And Win

22 Jan

God's Penman

Rev. James L. Snyder

4395

How To Have An Argument With Yourself And Win

Throughout the years, I'm happy to report, I have learned a thing or two about myself. My only regret is I have not learned more than a few things. I could make a long list of things I have not yet le... read more..

22 Jan

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

2696

Coffee Pain

Linda and Jill were chatting over coffee.Said Linda, "I've been experiencing a strange and painful side effect from coffee. I'm fine when I drink it black, but if I use cream, or sugar, or both, I ge... read more..

20 Jan

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

8984

Stupid Inventions

Stupid Inventions: - Black Highlighter - Braille Driver's Manual - Clear Correction Fluid - Fake Rhinestones - Inflatable Dart Board - Mesh Umbrella - Motorcycle Air Conditioner - Sugar Coated... read more..

20 Jan

The Spur

Marcia Lee Laycock

3759

Looking for X, Y and Z

It happened in the kitchen. I was chatting with a friend while preparing supper. He'd stopped in unexpectedly so I was "adding a potato to the pot," so to speak. As I made trips back and forth between... read more..

20 Jan

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

4253

Hand Signals

A Florida officer pulls over an eighty-year-old teacher because her hand signals were confusing."First you put your hand up, like you're turning right, then you waved your hand up and down, then you t... read more..

19 Jan

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

5186

Truth About Children

Truth About Children: - A baby usually wakes up in the wee-wee hours of the morning. - A child will not spill on a dirty floor. - A young child is a noise with dirt on it. - A youth becomes a man ... read more..