December 2006 - Monthly Archive

15 Jun

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

3853

Light Bulb List Members

Q: How many internet mail list subscribers does it take to change a light bulb?A: 1,331:1 to change the light bulb and to post to the mail list that the light bulb has been changed 14 to share si... read more..

15 Jun

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

2675

Leak Repair

My husband's skills with do-it-yourself home repairs are at best mediocre. After spending several evenings trying to fix a leak in the bathroom, he finally admitted defeat and called a plumber, who fi... read more..

14 Jun

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

3811

Kiss The Mirror Good-Bye

According to a radio report, a middle school in Oregon was faced with an unique problem:A number of girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but a... read more..

13 Jun

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

4353

Pastor Jim's Bungee Jump

Pastor Jim was called to pastor a large Southern Baptist Church in San Antonio, Texas. He had been pastoring a middle sized church in Minnesota and arrived on a Monday in San Antonio. He w... read more..

13 Jun

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

2914

Missing Bags

I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area so I went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never showed up. She smiled and told me not to worry because they were... read more..

12 Jun

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

4577

Dishwashed Verse

Helping his wife wash the dishes, a minister protested, This isn't a man s job.Oh yes, it is, his wife retorted, quoting 2 Kings 21:13:I will wipe Jerusalem as a man wipeth a dish, wiping it, and ... read more..

12 Jun

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

2629

More Bulletin Bloopers

Several members who have been in the hospital are not on their way to recovery, for which we are thankful.The Jack and Kill Daycare is looking for someone to help part time on Saturdays.We'll kick off... read more..

11 Jun

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

4228

More Strange Warnings

Here are some more strange warnings on items.On a packet of juggling balls:"This product contains small granules under 3 millimeters. Not suitable for children under the age of 14 years in ... read more..

11 Jun

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

5219

Mowing the Lawn

I was trying to mow the lawn before my husband got home from work, but our electric lawn mower refused to cooperate. It would run fine for a few seconds, then cut off, run again, cut off. Finally, I g... read more..

Emotional Health - Receive the Gift of Limits - Part 2

11 Jun

Sermons

Pastor Tim

3083

Emotional Health - Receive the Gift of Limits - Part 2

Knowing what God doesn't have planned for us is key to understanding what He does have for us. The limits we have in life, therefore, are gifts from God that we can receive with true thanksg... read more..

10 Jun

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

4495

You Know You Are From Arizona When

You no longer associate bridges or rivers with water.You can endure 110 degrees without fainting.You eat hot chilies to cool your mouth off.You can make instant sun tea.You learn that a seat belt make... read more..

09 Jun

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

4870

Goober 911

Q: Why can't goobers dial 911?A: They can't find the "11" on the phone!... read more..

09 Jun

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

10269

Leaky Roof

Mr. Gable had a leak in the roof over his dining room, so he called a repairman to take a look at it. "When did you first notice the leak?" the repairman inquired.Mr. Gable scowled. "Last night, when ... read more..

08 Jun

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

3804

Who's The Expert?

On a flight to Florida, I was preparing my notes for one of the parent-education seminars I conduct as an educational psychologist.The elderly woman sitting next to me explained that she was returning... read more..

08 Jun

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

2957

Not as Bad as They Say

Thanks to my good, Texan friend Walter Smith for this one.Chuck was sitting in an airplane when another fellow took a seat Beside him. The new guy was an absolute wreck...pale, hands shaking, Biting h... read more..

Things It Takes Most Of Us 50 Years To Learn

07 Jun

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

4003

Things It Takes Most Of Us 50 Years To Learn

1. The badness of a movie is directly proportional to the number of helicopters in it.2. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests you think she's pregnant u read more..

07 Jun

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

3359

Delete Button

Unfortunately, we humans do not come equipped with delete buttons for our mouths.My friend and his rock band were playing a concert at the local psychiatric hospital where he worked as a musical thera... read more..

Introducing My New "Bait And Switch" Diet Plan

06 Jun

God's Penman

Rev. James L. Snyder

4577

Introducing My New "Bait And Switch" Diet Plan

According to my conclusion, following years of reflection, only three kinds of people populate our world: those on a diet, those coming off a diet and those soon to begin a diet. Everyone falls into read more..

06 Jun

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

4445

Boys In Hospital

The two young boys were discussing their ailments together in the children's ward."Are you medical or surgical?" asked the first, who had been in the ward for a week."I don't kn... read more..

06 Jun

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

2907

Pig Call

A church secretary takes a call. The caller says ,"Is the head hog at the trough there?"The secretary says, "Please Sir, do not refer to our pastor as the head hog at the trough. That is very insultin... read more..

06 Jun

Misc

2187

Jury Duty Visiting

Had jury duty Mon. As luck would have it, I sat next to young woman who attends the xxxChurch. I asked her to tell me about her church and the other satelite churches. She said they had "the most awes... read more..

05 Jun

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

4018

It Might Be Cleaner

After trying for hours to get my daughters to clean their room, I burst in and yelled, "GET THIS ROOM CLEAN NOW, BEFORE I HAVE A COW!!!"My youngest daughter (3 years old) looked at me with a... read more..

05 Jun

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

3395

Glass Honesty

As the three ladies picked up a menu, each put on a pair of glasses."I really only need mine for close reading," explained the first.Remarked the second, "I only use mine when the light is bad."The th... read more..

04 Jun

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

11999

Smile For the DMV

When I went to get my driver's license renewed, our local motor-vehicle bureau was packed. The line inched along for almost an hour until the man ahead of me finally got his license.He inspe... read more..

Emotional Health - Receive the Gift of Limits - Part 1

04 Jun

Sermons

Pastor Tim

3015

Emotional Health - Receive the Gift of Limits - Part 1

Even Jesus, who could do anything, did not do everything. He is our example of how to receive God's gift of limits in life.(A few tiny parts of this recording are a bit garbled due to a reco... read more..

03 Jun

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

4424

No Ears, One Question

Jack Summers is a constructor at a building site. One day on the site there is a massive accident and Jack has both of his ears cut off. Jack goes through a time of deep depression, but thanks to th... read more..

03 Jun

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

3845

Lost

Steve took his new wife camping for the first time. At every opportunity, he passed along outdoor-survival lore.One day they got lost hiking in the deep woods. Steve tried the usual tactics to determi... read more..

02 Jun

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

4370

No Pets Allowed

Two buddies were out for a Saturday stroll. One had a Doberman and the other had a Chihuahua. As they sauntered down the street, the guy with the Doberman said to his friend, "Let'... read more..

02 Jun

Misc

2402

Pastor on the Big Screen

My son visited a satellite church in Plano. He said he didn't know what a satellite church was but presumed that it was a smaller church planted by the larger church in Grapevine. He said he fully... read more..

01 Jun

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

4184

GOLF, n.

[1] a game that consists of a lot of walking, broken up by disappointment and bad arithmetic.[2] a game of opposites - the world's slowest people are ahead of you, and the fastest are behind.[3] a... read more..