July 2011 - Monthly Archive - Results from #1110

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1271

One-liner #0451

“I can see how astronomers figure out the distance of the stars and their size and temperatures and all that, but what really gets me is how they find out what their names are!”... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1358

One-liner #0452

“I don't have a solution, but I admire your problem.”... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1335

One-liner #0453

“I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.”~Will Rogers... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1309

One-liner #0454

“I doubt, therefore I might be.”... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1276

One-liner #0455

“I feel sorry for the guy who has to play the world's smallest violin - everybody just thinks he's being sarcastic.”... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1274

One-liner #0456

“I hope I live to be as old as my jokes.”... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1350

One-liner #0457

“I just read that YouTube, Twitter, and Facebook are merging - it'll be called You-Twit-Face.”... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1395

One-liner #0458

“I looked at my Christmas tree today and sure enough, I couldn’t see any forests..”... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1381

One-liner #0459

“I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included.”- Bernard Manning... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1601

One-liner #0460

“I smile because I have no idea what's going on.”... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1285

One-liner #0461

“I told a girl she drew her eyebrows to high – she looked surprised.”... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1611

One-liner #0462

“I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.”... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1475

One-liner #0463

“I used to be indecisive, but now I'm not sure.”... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1680

One-liner #0464

“I wish the chemists who successfully removed the lead from gasoline would try the same with our politicians.”... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1337

One-liner #0465

“I’d work out, but I’m still trying to perfect my ‘before’ picture.”... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1387

One-liner #0466

“I’ve decided to stop beating around the bush; I'm going to move on to the ornamental shrubbery.”... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1314

One-liner #0467

“I'd gladly participate in any experiment to test the effect of sudden wealth on an individual.”... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1332

One-liner #0468

“If a line is the shortest distance between two points, why does waiting in line take so long?”... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1363

One-liner #0469

“If at first you don't succeed, you're running about average.”... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1620

One-liner #0470

“If dogs could talk, it would take a lot of fun out of owning one.”... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1360

One-liner #0471

“If ignorance is bliss, then I must be the happiest thingamajig in the whatchamacallit!”... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1332

One-liner #0472

“If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?”... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1563

One-liner #0473

“If necessity is the mother of invention, I bet MacGyver is the father.”... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1394

One-liner #0474

“If winning isn't everything, why do they keep score?”... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1450

One-liner #0475

“If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.”... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1348

One-liner #0476

“If you can still do at 60 what you did at 20, it means you weren't doing much at 20.”... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1366

One-liner #0477

“If you can't explain it simply, you don't understand it well enough.”... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1383

One-liner #0478

“If you have a parrot and you don't teach it to say, ’Help, they've turned me into a parrot’, you are wasting everybody's time.”... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1597

One-liner #0479

“If your feet smell and your nose runs, you're built upside down.”... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1416

One-liner #0480

“If your parents never had children, chances are you won't either.”... read more..