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July 2011
Welcome to our Archives page. On this page you will find a total of
1842
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29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1305
One-liner #0481
“In any organization, there will always be one person who knows what's going on and this person must be fired.”
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29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1365
One-liner #0482
“Insanity is hereditary - you get it from your kids.”
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29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1407
One-liner #0483
“Insomnia is very common. Try not to lose any sleep over it.”
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read more..
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1444
One-liner #0484
“It is never wise to let any piece of electronic equipment know that you are in a hurry.”
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read more..
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1310
One-liner #0485
“It must be tough going through life with a short - hey look, there goes a butterfly!”
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read more..
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1343
One-liner #0486
“It was once said that if you took all of the people who fell asleep in church and laid them end-to-end they would be more comfortable.”
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read more..
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1290
One-liner #0487
“Keyboard not detected - press F1 to continue.”
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29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1329
One-liner #0488
“Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today it's called golf.”
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29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1294
One-liner #0489
“Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.”
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read more..
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1270
One-liner #0490
“Make yourself at home! Clean my kitchen.”
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29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1302
One-liner #0491
“Millions who long for immortality don't know what to do on a rainy Sunday afternoon.”
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29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1367
One-liner #0492
“My body may be present, but my mind has already teed off.”
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29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1356
One-liner #0493
“My doctor asked me if I'd thought about losing some weight and I told him I'd thought about it for 20 years.”
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29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1393
One-liner #0494
“My husband says I never listen to him; at least I think that's what he said.”
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29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1377
One-liner #0495
“My mind contains many good ideas, but it is not always easy to squeeze one out.”
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29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1407
One-liner #0496
“My money says that the guy who wrote "I Believe I Can Fly" has never actually tried it.”
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29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1328
One-liner #0497
“My reality check bounced.”
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29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1326
One-liner #0498
“My Uncle Mort was a REAL salesman -- he made a living selling wealthy Eskimo's igloos with fire escapes!”
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29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1387
One-liner #0499
“Not only am I a master of suspense, but I . . .”
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29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1302
One-liner #0500
“Once over the hill, you pick up speed.”
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29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1408
One-liner #0501
“One nice thing about egotists: They don't talk about other people.”
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29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1493
One-liner #0502
“Only a lack of imagination saves me from immobilizing myself with imaginary fears.”
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29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1436
One-liner #0503
“Parents of teenagers know why animals eat their young.”
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29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1449
One-liner #0504
“Pobody is nerfect!”
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29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1359
One-liner #0505
“Punctual people have nothing better to do.”
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29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1416
One-liner #0506
“Remember folks: Stop lights timed for 35mph are also timed for 70mph.”
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29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1345
One-liner #0507
“Remember, heck is reserved for those who don't give a dang.”
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29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1419
One-liner #0508
“Save time . . . see it my way.”
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29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1368
One-liner #0509
“Self-esteem-boosting tip: Whenever you receive mail addressed to "resident," just write a big "P" in front of that to make yourself feel more important.”
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29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1366
One-liner #0510
“She had her face lifted, but it turned out there was one just like it underneath.”
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