Monthly Archive

“If at first you don't succeed, you're running about average.”... read more..

“If dogs could talk, it would take a lot of fun out of owning one.”... read more..

“If ignorance is bliss, then I must be the happiest thingamajig in the whatchamacallit!”... read more..

“If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?”... read more..

“If necessity is the mother of invention, I bet MacGyver is the father.”... read more..

“If winning isn't everything, why do they keep score?”... read more..

“If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.”... read more..

“If you can still do at 60 what you did at 20, it means you weren't doing much at 20.”... read more..

“If you can't explain it simply, you don't understand it well enough.”... read more..

“If you have a parrot and you don't teach it to say, ’Help, they've turned me into a parrot’, you are wasting everybody's time.”... read more..

“If your feet smell and your nose runs, you're built upside down.”... read more..

“If your parents never had children, chances are you won't either.”... read more..

“In any organization, there will always be one person who knows what's going on and this person must be fired.”... read more..

“Insanity is hereditary - you get it from your kids.”... read more..

“Insomnia is very common. Try not to lose any sleep over it.”... read more..

“It is never wise to let any piece of electronic equipment know that you are in a hurry.”... read more..

“It must be tough going through life with a short - hey look, there goes a butterfly!”... read more..

“It was once said that if you took all of the people who fell asleep in church and laid them end-to-end they would be more comfortable.”... read more..

“Keyboard not detected - press F1 to continue.”... read more..

“Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today it's called golf.”... read more..

“Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.”... read more..

“Make yourself at home! Clean my kitchen.”... read more..

“Millions who long for immortality don't know what to do on a rainy Sunday afternoon.”... read more..

“My body may be present, but my mind has already teed off.”... read more..

“My doctor asked me if I'd thought about losing some weight and I told him I'd thought about it for 20 years.”... read more..

“My husband says I never listen to him; at least I think that's what he said.”... read more..

“My mind contains many good ideas, but it is not always easy to squeeze one out.”... read more..

“My money says that the guy who wrote "I Believe I Can Fly" has never actually tried it.”... read more..

“My reality check bounced.”... read more..

“My Uncle Mort was a REAL salesman -- he made a living selling wealthy Eskimo's igloos with fire escapes!”... read more..