July 2011 - Monthly Archive - Results from #1170

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1359

One-liner #0511

“Sleep is just an escape for those who cannot handle the hallucinations of insomnia.”... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1307

One-liner #0512

“Sometimes I get the feeling the whole world is against me, but deep down I know that's not true - some smaller countries are neutral.”... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1348

One-liner #0513

“Stay clear of those folks, Martha; if they get raptured, that car's gonna be all over the road.”... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1393

One-liner #0514

“Studying economics may not give you the answers to serious economic problems, but at least you'll learn to avoid being deceived by economists.”... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1424

One-liner #0515

“Sure, it's the thought that counts, but couldn't people think a little bigger?”... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1435

One-liner #0516

“Teamwork means not having to shoulder all the blame yourself.”... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1406

One-liner #0517

“The best way to keep your kids out of hot water is to put some dishes in it.”... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1379

One-liner #0518

“The difference between chickens and turkeys is that chicken’s celebrate Thanksgiving!!”... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1335

One-liner #0519

“The difference between God and a fighter pilot is that God doesn't think He's a fighter pilot.”... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1346

One-liner #0520

“The early bird still has to eat worms.”... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1368

One-liner #0521

“The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.”... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1336

One-liner #0522

“The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face.”... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1338

One-liner #0523

“The man who sets out to carry a cat by its tail learns something that will always be useful and which never will grow dim or doubtful.”- Mark Twain (1835-1910)... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1457

One-liner #0524

“The older I get the better I used to be.”... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1331

One-liner #0525

“The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat are really good friends.”... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1362

One-liner #0526

“The optimist says the glass is half full, the pessimist says the glass is half empty, and the engineer says the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.”... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1405

One-liner #0527

“The reason they called golf "golf" was all the other 4-letter words were taken.”... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1387

One-liner #0528

“The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.”... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1350

One-liner #0529

“There are two words in a person's life that will open a lot of doors for them... PULL and PUSH”... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1299

One-liner #0530

“Three things cause severe memory loss: a blow to the head, old age, and testifying before a congressional hearing.”... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1313

One-liner #0531

“Time is fun when you're having flies.”~ Kermit the Frog... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1368

One-liner #0532

“To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated but not be able to say it.”... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1385

One-liner #0533

“To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there's no music, no choreography and the dancers hit each other.”... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1382

One-liner #0534

“To the people who leave their carts in the check-out line while running to get an item they forgot: It's me who puts the extra items in there.”... read more..