Monthly Archive

“There are two words in a person's life that will open a lot of doors for them... PULL and PUSH”... read more..

“Three things cause severe memory loss: a blow to the head, old age, and testifying before a congressional hearing.”... read more..

“Time is fun when you're having flies.”~ Kermit the Frog... read more..

“To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated but not be able to say it.”... read more..

“To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there's no music, no choreography and the dancers hit each other.”... read more..

“To the people who leave their carts in the check-out line while running to get an item they forgot: It's me who puts the extra items in there.”... read more..

“We're all in this alone.”- Lily Tomlin... read more..

“When cryptography is outlawed, bayl bhgynjf jvyy unir cevinpl.”... read more..

“When I can't be kind, I try to have the decency to be vague.”... read more..

“When I told my doctor I couldn't afford an operation, he offered to touch-up my X-rays.”~ Henny Youngman... read more..

“Whenever I hear Pavlov's name, it rings a bell.”... read more..

“Where am I going and why am I in this hand basket?”... read more..

“Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?”... read more..

“Why do the same people who laugh at science fiction listen to weather forecasts and economists?”... read more..

“Why do they have ear piercing while you wait; is there some shop where you can drop them off and pick them up later?”... read more..

“Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?”... read more..

“Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?”... read more..

“Why were so many Civil War battles fought in national parks?”... read more..

“Women are angels and when someone breaks our wings, we simply continue to fly ... on a broomstick; we're flexible like that.”... read more..

“You know you are getting old when Santa starts looking younger.”... read more..

“You know you're getting old when you wonder what you'd feel like if you weren't taking vitamins.”... read more..

“You know you're old when you reach down to get the wrinkles out of your panty hose and realize you aren't wearing any.”... read more..

“You're getting old when you enjoy remembering things more than doing them.”... read more..

“You're not shy: you're conversationally selective."... read more..

“You're only as old as you feel ... the next day.”... read more..

A clean house is a sure sign of a broken computer.... read more..

A magazine recently published that in the last census 1.6 percent of the people were not counted....how can they know that?... read more..

A new medical study says that meat can almost be as bad for you as smoking - in fact, it's almost as bad as second-hand meat.... read more..

A psychiatrist is a person who will give you expensive answers that your wife will give you for free.... read more..

A sign in the window: "Any faulty merchandise will be cheerfully replaced with merchandise of equal quality."... read more..