July 2011 - Monthly Archive - Results from #1200

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1351

One-liner #0541

“Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?”... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1334

One-liner #0542

“Why do the same people who laugh at science fiction listen to weather forecasts and economists?”... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1319

One-liner #0543

“Why do they have ear piercing while you wait; is there some shop where you can drop them off and pick them up later?”... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1393

One-liner #0544

“Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?”... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1448

One-liner #0545

“Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?”... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1405

One-liner #0546

“Why were so many Civil War battles fought in national parks?”... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1366

One-liner #0547

“Women are angels and when someone breaks our wings, we simply continue to fly ... on a broomstick; we're flexible like that.”... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1381

One-liner #0548

“You know you are getting old when Santa starts looking younger.”... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1398

One-liner #0549

“You know you're getting old when you wonder what you'd feel like if you weren't taking vitamins.”... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1426

One-liner #0550

“You know you're old when you reach down to get the wrinkles out of your panty hose and realize you aren't wearing any.”... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1360

One-liner #0551

“You're getting old when you enjoy remembering things more than doing them.”... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1424

One-liner #0552

“You're not shy: you're conversationally selective."... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1409

One-liner #0553

“You're only as old as you feel ... the next day.”... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1415

One-liner #0554

A clean house is a sure sign of a broken computer.... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1355

One-liner #0555

A magazine recently published that in the last census 1.6 percent of the people were not counted....how can they know that?... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1444

One-liner #0556

A new medical study says that meat can almost be as bad for you as smoking - in fact, it's almost as bad as second-hand meat.... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1362

One-liner #0557

A psychiatrist is a person who will give you expensive answers that your wife will give you for free.... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1418

One-liner #0558

A sign in the window: "Any faulty merchandise will be cheerfully replaced with merchandise of equal quality."... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1371

One-liner #0559

A watched clock never boils.... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1431

One-liner #0560

As a child my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it, or leave it.- Buddy Hackett... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1410

One-liner #0561

At pilot's training back in the Air Corps they taught us, "Always try to keep the number of landings you make equal to the number of take offs you make."... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1362

One-liner #0562

Avoid cutting yourself while clumsily slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1386

One-liner #0563

Being "over the hill" is much better than being under it!... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1337

One-liner #0564

Beware of buying anything when the manuals are bigger than the equipment.... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1290

One-liner #0565

Called my stockbroker this morning and asked him what I should be buying and he said, "Canned goods and ammunition."... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1360

One-liner #0566

Calories are delicious.... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1408

One-liner #0567

Can you get cavities in your dentures if you use too much artificial sweetener?... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1446

One-liner #0568

Cats are smarter than dogs - you can't get eight cats to pull a sled thru snow.... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1391

One-liner #0569

Change is inevitable....except from vending machines.... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1413

One-liner #0570

Christmas is weird- what other time of the year do you sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of your socks?... read more..