July 2011 - Monthly Archive - Results from #1320

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1697

One-liner #0661

To lead the orchestra, you must turn your back on the crowd.... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1646

One-liner #0662

Two things hard on the heart: running up stairs and running down people.... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1600

One-liner #0663

Vegetarian. That's an old Indian word meaning 'lousy hunter.'- Andy Rooney... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1593

One-liner #0664

Want Ad: Princess, having had sufficient experience with princes, seeks "frog."... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1592

One-liner #0665

We're looking for interested folks who would like to join 'Time Travelers for a Better Yesterday' last week.... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1725

One-liner #0666

What a hotel! The towels were so fluffy I could hardly close my suitcase. - Henny Youngman... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1576

One-liner #0667

What makes airport security think they can find something in my wife's purse when she can't?... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1607

One-liner #0668

When a man says it's a silly, childish game, it's probably something his wife can beat him at.... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1626

One-liner #0669

When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her out to some place expensive . . . so I took her to a gas station.... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1525

When I was a child and got dirty, my mother would spit on a handkerchief and use it to clean the dirt off - I guess in her mind, muddy and disgusting was better than just muddy.- David Sigmon... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1576

One-liner #0671

When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms with me and I said, "What do you need?"... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1593

One-liner #0672

When repairmen say they'll "Come sometime next week," I usually say, "Fine, I'll pay you sometime next year."... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1720

One-liner #0673

When Ronald Reagan was elected governor of California, movie mogul Jack Warner said, "It's our fault. We should have given him better parts."... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1618

One-liner #0674

Whoever said there is no such thing as a stupid question has never worked in customer service.... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1666

One-liner #0675

Why does the label on Children’s Tylenol tell you not to operate heavy machinery or vehicles?... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1676

One-liner #0676

Why should I learn algebra? I have no intention of ever going there.... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1590

One-liner #0677

Wife to husband: "This Christmas let's give each other sensible gifts...like ties and fur coats."... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1673

One-liner #0678

Would the person who lost a fat roll of hundred dollar bills, wrapped in a rubber band, please report to the Lost & Found Department - we found your rubber band.... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1711

One-liner #0679

Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up.... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1714

One-liner #0680

You always hear people using the phrase working like a dog but when's the last time you saw a dog doing any work?... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1716

One-liner #0681

You know it's going to be a bad day when YOUR picture is on the milk carton.... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1839

One-liner #0682

You know you're a bona fide Catholic, Lutheran or Episcopalian, when you're watching Star Wars, and when you hear May the Force be with you you have an overwhelming urge to respond and also with you.... read more..

29 Jul

Quotes

Pastor Tim

1286

Quote #0820

"A blind boy paid his way to a master's degree at Northwestern University by taking notes on class lectures in Braille, typing them, and selling copies to classmates who had stronger eyes but weaker a read more..

29 Jul

Quotes

Pastor Tim

1268

Quote #0821

"A church member waiting to be asked to serve in his own church is just like the member of a family waiting to be invited to pull weeds in front of the house where he lives." read more..

29 Jul

Quotes

Pastor Tim

1200

Quote #0822

"A free lunch is only found in mousetraps."~John Capozzi read more..

29 Jul

Quotes

Pastor Tim

1142

Quote #0823

"A giving church is a living church." read more..

29 Jul

Quotes

Pastor Tim

1289

Quote #0825

"A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you're in deep water." read more..

29 Jul

Quotes

Pastor Tim

1319

Quote #0826

"A member of my staff asked me when I was going to retire. I said, 'When I can no longer hear the sound of laughter.' He said, 'That never stopped you before.'"- Bob Hope read more..

29 Jul

Quotes

Pastor Tim

1316

Quote #0827

"A mind in the gutter is a life down the drain." read more..

29 Jul

Quotes

Pastor Tim

1319

Quote #0828

"A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the butt." read more..