July 2011 - Monthly Archive - Results from #150

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

1889

Gift

"My childhood was rough. Once for my birthday my old man gave me a bat. The first day I played with it, it flew away."- Rodney Dangerfield read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2069

The rich aunt was hurt and said to her nephew, "I'm sorry you don't like your gift. I asked you if you preferred a large check or a small check.""I know, Auntie," the nephew said contritely, "but I d... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

1997

Gift Pun

The fight between good and evil, an epic battle: Darth Vader and Luke. Suddenly in the middle of the fight, Darth Vader pulls Luke to him, and whispers "I know what you're getting for Christmas!"Luke... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2295

Giuseppe Spomdalucc

To impress his date, the young man took her to a very chic Italian restaurant. After sipping some fine wine, he picked up the menu and ordered. "We'll have the Giuseppe Spomdalucci," he said."Sorry, s... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

3865

Gladys Pun

There was this lady who was visiting a church one Sunday. The sermon seemed to go on forever, and many in the congregation fell asleep.After the service, to be social, she walked up to a very sleepy ... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

7148

Gland Pun

Little is known about the salivary glands because they are so secretive.... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

3628

Glazier

My son is the manager of a glass and window company and advertised in the paper for experienced glaziers. Since a good glass man is hard to find, he was pleased when a man who called about the job sai... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2101

Goat Junk

Two goats wandered into the junkyard and had a field day. One of them spent a particularly long time bent over a spool of film. When he was finished, the other goat came over. "So, did you enjoy the f... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

1936

Golden Years

"Ah, the golden years. When actions creak louder than words." read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

1794

Golf Gun

Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez."How was he killed?" asked one detective. "With a golf gun," the other detective replied. "A golf gun?! What is a golf gun?" "I do... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

1958

Golf Tomatoes

"I don't want to say my golf game is bad, but if I grew tomatoes they'd come up sliced." read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

4207

Gone Pun

A bill collector knocked on the door of a country debtor. "Is Fred home?", he asked the woman who answered the door. "Sorry," the woman replied. "Fred's gone for cotton." The next day, the collect... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

5473

Gossip

A gossip is someone with a great "sense of rumor."... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

1777

Got Everything?

"Two paramedics were dispatched to check on a 92-year-old man who had become disoriented. They decided to take him to the hospital for evaluation.En route, with the siren blaring, they questioned the read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2352

Grade Pun

A high-school student came home one night rather depressed."What's the matter, son," asked his mother."Aw, Mom," said the boy, "It's my grades. They're all wet.""What do you mean 'all wet?'""You know... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

1785

Grapes

A hangover is the wrath of grapes.... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

1808

Gravity

Gravity always gets me down.... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

4907

Grenade

A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France resulted in "Linoleum Blownapart."... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2094

Grizzly Pun mx20

One day in the forest, three animals were discussing who among them was the most powerful."I am," said the hawk, "because I can fly and swoop down swiftly at my prey.""That's nothing," said the mounta... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2087

Grocery Pun

Grocery clerks make you pick paper or plastic because baggers can't be choosers.... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

1965

Gross Ignoramus

A gross ignoramus: 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus.... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2788

Guide Names

My husband was telling colleagues about his involvement with our local YMCA Indian Guides and Indian Princesses programs. His Indian name was Walking Deer, he told them. Our daughter was Little Fawn, ... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

3862

Gum

"I had a stick of CareFree gum, but it didn't work. I felt pretty good for a while, but as soon as the gum lost its flavor, I was back to pondering my mortality."- Mitch Hedberg read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2227

Hair Pun

When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair she thought she'd dye.... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2583

Hamlet

"Said Hamlet to Ophelia,'I'll draw a sketch of thee,What kind of pencil shall I use?2B or not 2B?'"'Hamlet' by Spike Milligan read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

5746

Happy as a Clam

Then there is researcher Peter Fong, who has given new meaning to the expression "happy as a clam." The Gettysburg College biologist stumbled onto the fact that molluscs reproduce at 10 times their no... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

1985

Happy Cows

Farmer Jones's cows had recently stopped giving good milk. So, he went around asking for advice, and someone told him that happy cows give good milk. Every morning he would go out and tell some jokes ... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

19636

Hay Pun

Needless to say, one of the most successful inventors of all time was the man who invented the hay-bailing machine. He made a bundle.... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2634

He/She Became

He became a realtor because he had lots on his mind.She became a pharmacist because she was a real pill.He became an expolorer because he wanted to find himself.She became a baker because she loved lo... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

9469

Headache Pun

If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: Take two and keep away from children.... read more..