July 2011 - Monthly Archive - Results from #1650

29 Jul

Quotes

Pastor Tim

1284

Quote #1129

There is a guaranteed way to get what you want.Want less.... read more..

29 Jul

Quotes

Pastor Tim

1246

To truly BELIEVE in God, one must first want to LEAVE his selfish desires behind and want to BE the person God wants to mold him into. Then God can mold him to BE that person who can LEAVE the past be... read more..

29 Jul

Quotes

Pastor Tim

1377

Quote #1131

What will today's younger generation tell their children they had to do "without"?... read more..

29 Jul

Quotes

Pastor Tim

1280

Quote #1132

When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, "Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't be... read more..

29 Jul

Quotes

Pastor Tim

1505

Quote #1133

When the subject of heaven and hell was broached in conversation one day, Ernest Hemingway politely declined to offer any opinion. "Excuse me for not answering," he said. "I have friends in both place... read more..

29 Jul

Quotes

Pastor Tim

1185

Quote #1134

You cannot propel yourself forward by patting yourself on the back.... read more..

29 Jul

Illustrations

Pastor Tim

1526

Men and Women

Woman 1: Did you get a new haircut?Woman 2: Yes, I did. Thanks for noticing.W1: Oh! That's so cute!W2: Do you think so? I wasn't sure after my hairdresser gave me the mirror. I mean, you don't think i... read more..

29 Jul

Illustrations

Pastor Tim

1643

What Would He Pay

While waiting in line to check out at a Christian bookstore, a man in front of me asked the clerk about a display of hats with the letters WWJD on them. The clerk explained that WWJD stands for "What ... read more..

29 Jul

Illustrations

Pastor Tim

1629

Just Name the Fee

When the wealthy businessman choked on a fish bone at a restaurant, he was fortunate that a doctor was seated at a nearby table.Springing up, the doctor skillfully removed the bone and saved the man's... read more..

29 Jul

Illustrations

Pastor Tim

1528

Hypocrisy, Honor, Trust

When Sam returned to the house one evening, his wife Sarah announced that the new cleaning woman they had hired had stolen two towels."Yeah," said Sam very disinterested, and reclining on the sofa, "t... read more..

29 Jul

Illustrations

Pastor Tim

1619

Behavior, Obedience, Devotion

When I was much younger my mother would offer us kids money if we would be good. My brother was good for a dollar, my sister was good for 50 cents. Me? I was good for nothing!... read more..

29 Jul

Illustrations

Pastor Tim

2244

Prayer, Faith, Insincerity

Two young boys were spending the night at their grandparents.At bedtime, the two boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers when the youngest one began praying at the top of his lungs, "I PRAY ... read more..

29 Jul

Illustrations

Pastor Tim

1472

Marriage, Husbands

Two women were being shown through the zoo, and their guide halted before the ostriches to explain, "Now this, ladies, is a very unusual bird. It can see very little and can digest practically anythi... read more..

29 Jul

Illustrations

Pastor Tim

1466

Business Smarts

Three violin manufactures have all done business for years on the same block in the small town of Cremona, Italy. After years of a peaceful co-existence, the Amati shop decided to put a sign in the wi... read more..

29 Jul

Illustrations

Pastor Tim

1527

Aging, Living, Seniors

Thought I'd let my doctor check me,'Cause I didn't feel quite right. . .All those aches and pains annoyed meAnd I couldn't sleep at night.He could find no real disorderBut he wouldn't let it rest.What... read more..

29 Jul

Illustrations

Pastor Tim

1462

Educational Values

This teacher went into her classroom about fifteen minutes before the class was supposed to begin and caught a bunch of boys in a huddle on their knees in the corner of the room. She demanded of them ... read more..

29 Jul

Illustrations

Pastor Tim

1470

Accuracy Excuse

There was a knock at the door. It was a small boy, about seven years old. Something of his had found its way into my garage, he said, and he wanted it back.Upon opening the garage door, I noticed two ... read more..

29 Jul

Illustrations

Pastor Tim

1558

Honesty in Business

There was a farmer who sold a pound of butter to the baker. One day the baker decided to weigh the butter to see if he was getting a pound and he found that he was not. This angered him and he took th... read more..

29 Jul

Illustrations

Pastor Tim

1508

Maturing

There is an old story about a mother who walks in on her six-year-old son and finds him sobbing. "What's the matter?" she asks."I've just figured out how to tie my shoes.""Well, honey, that's wonderfu... read more..

29 Jul

Illustrations

Pastor Tim

1532

Prayer, School, Exams

The professor of a graduate-school class of gifted students included a HUGE amount of material on the midterm exam. Tension in the room built, people were sighing and gasping aloud as they realized h... read more..

29 Jul

Illustrations

Pastor Tim

1485

Children and Television

The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class.She called on him and said, "Johnny! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?"Little Johnny quickly replied, "NBC, CBS, HBO and the Car... read more..

29 Jul

Illustrations

Pastor Tim

2143

Marriage, Divorce, Triumph

The first marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. The second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience. The third marriage is the triumph of stupidity.... read more..

29 Jul

Illustrations

Pastor Tim

1592

The "Forwarder's" 12 Step Program

Sometimes friends have to tell you things you might not like to hear, but need to. If you are one of those people who like to forward every e-mail you get, please repeat the following ... 1) I will N... read more..

29 Jul

Illustrations

Pastor Tim

1447

Overeating, Self-Control, Holidays

Scientists have discovered an incredible fact: If an article of clothing is allowed to hang uninterrupted in a closet throughout just one holiday season, it will shrink at least two sizes.... read more..

29 Jul

Illustrations

Pastor Tim

1520

Rumors

On the first day of school, a first grader handed his teacher a note from his mother. The note read, "The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents."... read more..

29 Jul

Illustrations

Pastor Tim

1507

Teamwork

My wife works in the fuels squadron at an Air Force base, and many of her co-workers complain about the superior attitude of the pilots.One day the fuel crew decided to put things in perspective for t... read more..

29 Jul

Illustrations

Pastor Tim

1378

Fashion Sense

My teenager was headed to school one morning when I told him that the neck tag on his shirt was hanging out. "I know," he replied. "It's a fad me and some of the guys started." Weeks later, as the sty... read more..

29 Jul

Illustrations

Pastor Tim

1512

Confession

My best lesson in child psychology came when I saw our five-year-old, Steven, roughly jerking our toy poodle's leash. Suddenly his fuming father appeared and asked, "Do you want to tell me how sorry y... read more..

29 Jul

Illustrations

Pastor Tim

1533

Reward

Morris was invited to a party but unfortunately, during the evening, he lost his wallet.Morris, not being of the shy kind, stood on a chair and shouted, "Excuse me ladies and gentlemen, I've just lost... read more..

29 Jul

Illustrations

Pastor Tim

1576

Luke 3:11, Charity, Sharing, The Poor

Irv and Sol, are walking down the street when Sol turns to Irv and says, "Irv, if you had two of those top-of-the-line Mercedes Benz cars, with all the gear, electric windows, CD player and all of tha... read more..