July 2011 - Monthly Archive - Results from #1680

29 Jul

Illustrations

Pastor Tim

1393

The High Street of Life

Imagine yourself walking along The High street of life and each of the shop fronts has something to entice you in: The Materialism shop offers you all the creature comforts you could ever want, but t... read more..

29 Jul

Illustrations

Pastor Tim

1457

Stress

I'm dyslexic, and attended a conference about the disorder with a friend. The speakers asked us to share a personal experience with the group. I told them stress aggravates my condition, in which I re... read more..

29 Jul

Illustrations

Pastor Tim

1371

Prepared For Eternity

I was at the drug store to pick up my prescription. The line wasn't clearly formed, and there was an old man with a cane nearby me. It was unclear as to who was next.When we got to the front of the ... read more..

29 Jul

Illustrations

Pastor Tim

1500

Advertising

I was at a yard sale one day and saw a box marked "Electronic cat and dog caller-- guaranteed to work."I looked inside and was amused to see an electric can opener.... read more..

29 Jul

Illustrations

Pastor Tim

1513

I Asked God mx22

I asked God to take away my habit.God said, "No. It is not for me to take away, but for you to give it up."I asked God to make my handicapped child whole.God said, "No. His spirit is whole, his body... read more..

29 Jul

Illustrations

Pastor Tim

1512

Foot in Mouth Disease

Having survived my first driving lesson, I emerged from the car to come face to face with a woman standing on the pavement. "A bit nerve-wracking, was it?" she asked."More than that," I laughed, "My i... read more..

29 Jul

Illustrations

Pastor Tim

1584

Time, Marriage, Friends, Gifts

Happy New Year everyone! It is my sincere hope and prayer that you have a peace filled and blessed 2004.Here is today's Illustration.Five years after my wife, Bridgid, and I were married, we received... read more..

29 Jul

Illustrations

Pastor Tim

1314

Luke 20:1-19

From the Scottish Daily Record 2-Dec-01.Some bus fare dodgers in the UK who, thinking they were getting away with avoiding bus fares by using substitute coins in the fare machine, were giving away a t... read more..

29 Jul

Illustrations

Pastor Tim

1432

Dad Question

Four-year-old Little Johnny asked, "Mummy, where do babies come from? "The stork, dear." replied Johnny's Mom. "Mummy, who keeps bad people from robbing our house?" Asked Little Johnny. Johnny's mo... read more..

29 Jul

Illustrations

Pastor Tim

1305

Logic

Explaining luggage regulations to passengers can be aggravating for flight attendants. One day a woman tried to board with an enormous bag. The lead flight attendant told her why it would not fit, but... read more..

29 Jul

Illustrations

Pastor Tim

1518

Punishment

Even though I'm well into my 30's I still stop by my parents house to mow their lawn. One afternoon the young kid next door was cutting his grass at the same time."It's punishment for skipping a day o... read more..

29 Jul

Illustrations

Pastor Tim

1395

Goals, Exercise

During the last session of our teaching workshop, participants were asked to state their personal goals for the immediate future.One teacher vowed to update photo albums, another to lose weight. The ... read more..

29 Jul

Illustrations

Pastor Tim

1597

SIDNK

During the Air Force Academy's basic cadet training, the new cadets, known as doolies, go through a ten-day encampment outdoors. Prior to being served in the chow tent, they are required to do pullups... read more..

29 Jul

Illustrations

Pastor Tim

1416

Police Dog Obedience

During a temporary shutdown of operations at a large plant, trained police dogs were hired to protect the building from vandalism. A company executive who was unaware of the new regime arrived at the ... read more..

29 Jul

Illustrations

Pastor Tim

1519

Marriage Reason

During a friendly argument, my husband asked me why I married him in the first place. "I was just stupid," I teased. When he said he was happy to hear that, I requested an explanation. "People get div... read more..

29 Jul

Illustrations

Pastor Tim

1513

E-Parenting

Debbie wasn't home, and it was getting awfully late. Not knowing any of her girlfriend's phone numbers, her Mother fired-up Debbie's computer and saw a list of email addresses. She sent a note to each... read more..

29 Jul

Illustrations

Pastor Tim

1519

The Chaos

Dearest creature in creation,Study English pronunciation.I will teach you in my verseSounds like corpse, corps, horse, and worse.I will keep you, Suzy, busy,Make your head with heat grow dizzy.Tear in... read more..

29 Jul

Illustrations

Pastor Tim

1517

Motherhood, Proverbs 31

Dear Santa, I've been a good mom all year. I've fed, cleaned, and cuddled my two children on demand, visited the doctor's office more than my doctor, sold sixty-two cases of candy bars to raise money... read more..

Hope, Anticipation, False Religion, Missing a Bus

29 Jul

Illustrations

Pastor Tim

1534

Hope, Anticipation, False Religion, Missing a Bus

City officials in Mesa, Arizona, have mistakenly installed two bus shelters where no buses run. The installation cost $19,000 at a time when the city is cutting its public transit budget to save mone... read more..

29 Jul

Illustrations

Pastor Tim

1538

Illustration

Bob Hope once received an award and graciously gave full credit to his four writers for making it possible.The next to receive the award was Bishop Fulton J. Sheen. He stepped to the mike and with a g... read more..

29 Jul

Illustrations

Pastor Tim

1480

Planning

Before I could enroll in my company's medical insurance plan, I needed to fill out a questionnaire. As expected, the form was very thorough, leaving nothing to chance.One question asked, "Do you think... read more..

29 Jul

Illustrations

Pastor Tim

1572

Barbecuing: Manly Cooking

Barbecuing - It's the only type of cooking a "real" man will do.When a man volunteers to do such cooking, the following chain of events is put into motion:(1) The woman goes to the store.(2) The woman... read more..

29 Jul

Illustrations

Pastor Tim

1493

IRS Complaint

At the Internal Revenue Service where I used to work, no officer was immune from letters of complaint written by disgruntled taxpayers. One time an irate farmer wrote to my supervisor: "Please tell O... read more..

29 Jul

Illustrations

Pastor Tim

1540

Marriage Teachings

At the banquet of Tom and Susan's 25th wedding anniversary, Tom was asked to give his friends a brief account of the benefits of a marriage of such long duration."Tell us, Tom, just what is it you hav... read more..

29 Jul

Illustrations

Pastor Tim

1467

Childlike Observations

After years of using the same perfumes, I decided to try something different and settled on a light, citrusy fragrance. The next day I was surprised when it was my little boy, not my husband, who firs... read more..

29 Jul

Illustrations

Pastor Tim

1517

Signs From God, Diets

After starting a new diet, I altered my drive to town to avoid passing my favorite bakery. I accidentally drove by the bakery this morning and there in the window was a host of my favorite goodies.I ... read more..

29 Jul

Illustrations

Pastor Tim

1430

Divorce and Bitterness

After a lengthy conference with the estranged husband, the lawyer reported to his client, "Jill, I have succeeded in making a settlement with your husband that is eminently fair to both of you.""Fair ... read more..

Housewives, Hard Work, Help, Disappointment

29 Jul

Illustrations

Pastor Tim

1414

Housewives, Hard Work, Help, Disappointment

A worried Mrs. Melnik sprang to the telephone when it rang and listened with relief to the kindly voice in her ear."How are you, darling?" it said. "What kind of a day are you having?""Oh, mother," s... read more..

29 Jul

Illustrations

Pastor Tim

1301

Deceptions, Evil

A woman went to the local psychic in hopes of contacting her dearly departed grandmother.The psychic's eyelids begin fluttering and she begins moaning. Eventually, a voice comes, saying, "Granddaught... read more..

29 Jul

Illustrations

Pastor Tim

1425

Helping the Lost

A troop of Boy Scouts was being used as "guinea pigs" in a test of emergency systems. A mock earthquake was staged, and the Scouts impersonated wounded persons who were to be picked up and cared for ... read more..