July 2011 - Monthly Archive - Results from #180

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

5983

Hellman's Mayo

Most people don't know that back in 1912, Hellmann's mayonnaise was manufactured in England. In fact, the Titanic was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery on May 5th in Vera Cr... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

1992

Hereafter

"These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter...I go somewhere to get something and then wonder what I'm here after." read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

4296

Heredity

"The child had his mother's eyes, his mother's nose and his mother's mouth. Which left his mother with a pretty blank expression."- Robert Benchley read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2033

High School Math

A student at our high school a few years back, having had his fill with drawing graph after graph in senior high math class, told his teacher, "I'll do algebra, I'll do trig, and I'll even do statisti... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

1851

HMO Plans

"The majority of HMO plans I've seen can be likened to hospital gowns-- you only think you're covered." read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

1761

Hobby Books

BAND PLAYING by Clara NettJAZZ MUSIC by Tenna SaxeCUDDLY TOYS by Ted E. BehrTHE STARS TELL IT ALL by Horace CopeSCULPTING THE GODS OF GREECE AND ROME by Jove... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2785

Holiday Pun

This guy goes into a restaurant for a Christmas breakfast while in his home town for the holidays. After looking over the menu he says, "I'll just have the eggs Benedict." His order comes a while late... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2057

Home Pun

A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

8708

Horrible Cat Puns

These cat puns are both horrible and painful! You were warned.What do you call a cat that has just eaten a whole duck? - A duck filled fatty puss!What did the cat do when he swallowed some cheese? - ... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2120

Horse Pun

You can lead a horse to water, but, a pencil must be lead.... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

1821

Horse Sale

A city slicker was driving through the country when he spotted a horse standing in a field. He was quite taken with the animal and so pulled over to ask the farmer if it was for sale."Afraid not," sai... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

1863

Hospital Introduction

"While working as a Navy nurse in a military hospital's emergency room, I was required to introduce myself by my rank and full name. I usually refer to myself as Ensign Mike Payne, but one busy day I read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

4677

Hospital Pun

Q: Who are the most decent people in the hospital?A: The ultrasound people.... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2413

Hospital Songs Pun

Songs From The Hospital Hit Parade~ "I'll be Sewing You"~ "Red Cells in the Sunset"~ "It's Spleen a Long, Long Time"~ "It Had to Be Flu"~ "On the Bonny Banks of Glaucoma"~ "Gonna Take a Sentimental Gu... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2902

House Pun

A young family, feeling cramped in their small apartment, went shopping for a house. The parents looked at houses for a month before deciding on a two-story house in the country. While driving to the... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2477

Housework 1

"My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance." read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2213

Housework 2

I was tidying up the house but finding the task difficult because of a pulled muscle in my lower back. As I was collecting the trash, something fell to the floor. Taking a deep breath and trying to ig... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2472

Humpty Pun

Humpty Dumpty had a great fall but winter doesn't look too promising.... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2031

Hungry Clock

"When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds." read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

4924

Hunting Pun

At the police station, Bubba explained to the police officer why his cousins shot him."Well," Bubba began, "We wuz havin' a good time drinking, when my cousin Ray picked up his shotgun and said, 'Hey,... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2234

Hymns for Professionals

DENTIST: Crown Him with many crownsCONTRACTORS: The church's one foundationOBSTETRICIANS: Come, labour onGOLFERS: There is a green hill far awayPOLITICIANS: Standing on the promisesLIBRARIANS: Let all... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2031

Hypochondriacs

"People are forever calling me a hypochondriac, and, let me tell you, that makes me sick." read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

1806

I am Pun

"I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence? read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

1951

Ice Cream

Two robins were sitting in a tree. "I'm really hungry," said the first one. "Let's fly down and find some lunch." They flew down to the ground and found a nice plot of newly plowed ground that was ful... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

3961

Illness Pun

A fella walked into a doctor's office and the receptionist asked him what he had.He said, "Shingles."So she took down his name, address, medical insurance number and told him to have a seat. Fifteen ... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2011

Indoors

If a rabbit is raised indoors, would it be an ingrown hare?... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

9102

Inflatable Pun

An inflatable student goes to his inflatable school and is having a really bad day. Bored in history lesson, he gets up and walks out. Walking down the corridor, he sees the inflatable headmaster wa... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2281

Inheritance

The geek shall inherit the earth.... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

5942

Injury Pun

A man is struck in the head by a rock during a heated demonstration. A woman rushes over, kneels down and places his head in her lap."Are you comfortable?" she asks."Oh, I do okay." he replied. "Som... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

3050

Insurance Claim

The chef at a family-run restaurant had broken her leg and came into our insurance office to file a disability claim.As I scanned the claim form, I did a double take.Under "Reason unable to work," she... read more..