July 2011 - Monthly Archive - Results from #210

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

1896

Intolerance

A scientist found, to his great surprise, that he was lactose intolerant (unable to digest milk sugar). At dinner that night with his two young daughters (age 9 and 4 years), he mentioned that he had ... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2816

Investing Advice

Jim was having reasonable success playing the stock market when George expressed a desire to give it a try. Jim advised him on what stocks to buy, what to stay clear of, etc. In his list of "pointer... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2025

IRS

As income tax time approaches, did you ever notice:When you put the two words "The" and "IRS" together it spells "THEIRS"... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2239

Jester

"An unemployed jester is nobody's fool." read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

7743

Jester Pun

An unemployed jester is nobody's fool.... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2222

Job Application

My 17-year-old niece asked me if she could use my name as a reference on her resume', which she planned to submit to a local fast-food restaurant. I agreed. A few days later she called and asked me ... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2225

John Wayne Museum

A show business museum in Hollywood is presenting an exhibit on the career of the late and great actor John Wayne.One of the featured items is a pair of yellowy-brownish colored gravestones bearing hi... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2287

Joke Pun

Q. What does a reindeer say before telling you a (bad) joke?A. "This will sleigh you."... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

6082

Jonah Pun

A Preacher was doing his "Children's Church" sermon where all the youngsters come down front and hear a story. The pastor was discussing the story of Jonah. He quoted the scriptures from Jonah, "...... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

4398

Kernel Pun

If you have a use for another clean joke, here's an original. (Darren Marlar distributed it through his Unnamed Daily radio prep site last year).A youth pastor thoroughly enjoyed movie night with his... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

9281

Kilts

An American in Scotland asked one of the locals, "Why do you call it a kilt?"The Scotsman replied, "Because we kilt the last bloke who called it a dress."... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

13656

King Arthur's Unknown Knights

It is a little-known fact that King Arthur had more knights than is usually believed. They included:~ Sir Face - the devastatingly handsome, but disappointingly shallow knight~ Sir Pass - Arthur's bes... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

1930

King Ozymndias

King Ozymndias of Assyria was running low on cash after years of war with the Hittites. His last great possession was the Star of the Euphrates, the most valuable diamond in the ancient world. Despera... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2837

Knowledge Pills

A somewhat advanced society has figured how to package basic knowledge in pill form. A student, needing some learning, goes to the pharmacy and asks what kind of knowledge pills are available. The pha... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

7640

Koala Pun

A man had been feeling unwell for about 3 weeks and went to see his doctor.The doctor told him, "I don't know what you've got but it could be serious so I'm sending you to the Rare Disease Specialist.... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2381

Lab Pun

Microbiology Lab: Staph Only!... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

1862

Labor

My wife was in labor with our first child. Things were going pretty well when suddenly she began to shout, "Shouldn't! Wouldn't! Couldn't! CAN'T!""Doctor, what's wrong with my wife!" I cried."It's per... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2051

Lancelot Bed Attire

What did Sir Lancelot wear to bed?A knight-gown.... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

3971

Laneway Pun

I hate the speed bump in the laneway of my complex. But I just get over it and move on.... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

9957

Latin Puns

"Minutus cantorum, minutus balorum, minutus carborata descendum pantorum."(A little song, a little dance, a little seltzer down your pants.)"Domino vobiscum."(The pizza guy's here.)"Sharpei diem."(Sei read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

1971

Lawyer Picture

A photographer was hired to take pictures at a lawyers' convention.When he lined up his subjects he got them to look their best by shouting, "Okay everyone, say fees!"... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2226

Lawyer Pun

Clothes don't necessarily make the man, but a good suit makes a lawyer.... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

1762

Leading

"You can lead a horse to water, but, a pencil must be lead."- Stan Laurel in the short, "BRATS" read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

6247

Leaning Pun

Bert has this friend who always seemed to lean slightly to the left all the time. It used to bother him, so he suggested his buddy Louie should see a doctor, and have his legs checked out.For years, ... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

13742

Leg Pun

A man goes into the doctor. He says "Doc, you gotta check my leg. Something's wrong. Just put your ear up to my thigh, you'll hear it!" The doctor cautiously placed his ear to the man's thigh only... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

3189

Legal Pun

A man went to his lawyer and said, "I would like to make a will but I don't know exactly how to go about it." The lawyer said, "No problem, leave it all to me." The man looked somewhat upset and said,... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2062

Legionnaire Pun

There's these two French Legionnaires in the desert, and they've been separated from their unit and are lost. They've been wandering for several days without food and water, and are nearly resigned t... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2023

Letter Carrying

A letter carrier's career is a mail-dominated profession.... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

6111

Letter Pun

Beware of the letter G. It is the end of everything.... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2294

Library Glasses

My grandson, Chris, has worn glasses since the age of three. When he was in the first grade he came home one day very distressed. Wanting to find out what was the matter his mother asked, "Chris, what... read more..