July 2011 - Monthly Archive - Results from #240

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2139

Light Pun

(BTW, Saturday's Park Pun was written by Stan Kegel.)A Chinese scholar was lecturing when all the lights in the auditorium went out. He asked members of the audience to raise their hands. As soon as read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2834

Lightning Driving

Two men were talking. One says to the other, "My wife drives like lightning."His friend asked, "She drives fast?""No, she hits trees."... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

1883

Lion Hunting

Before they go out hunting for food, the lion says to his friends, "Let us prey."... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2139

Lion Pun 1

A young missionary on his first term in Africa was reading his Bible in a clearing when a lion came up and laid down beside him. As he quietly prayed for deliverance, another lion came out of the bush... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2134

Lion Pun 2

A hungry lion was roaming through the jungle looking for something to eat. He came across two men. One was sitting under a tree and reading a book; the other was typing away on his typewriter. The ... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2040

Little Known Illnesses

AFROPHOBIA: Fear of the return of the 70's hair styles.DEJA FLU: The feeling that one has had this cold before.HYPOCOINDRIA: Fear of not having correct change.HAIRPIECE SWIMPLEX: Rash caused by wearin... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

3121

Lobster

A guy was down on Fisherman's Wharf in San Francisco when he saw a seafood restaurant and a sign on the Specials Board which read, "Big Lobster Tales, $5 each."Amazed at the great value, he said to th... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

14557

Lobster Pun

A guy was down on Fisherman's Wharf in San Francisco when he saw a seafood restaurant and a sign on the Specials Board which read, "Big Lobster Tales, $5 each." Amazed at the great value, he said to t... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

5189

Locksmith

They tried to keep a locksmith in prison, but the nut bolted.... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2014

Loosing Weight

Two overweight middle-aged women are on their daily exercise stroll. They were talking about how hard it is to lose weight as one gets older, something with which all you youths must deal eventually.O... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

1767

Lost Envelope

Young Mary was a dutiful child. She obeyed every rule and never once contradicted the commands that were issued daily to govern her life.One day, when her aunt was bedridden with the flu, Mary was gi... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

1765

Lost Jewelry

What do you call jewelry lost on the golf course?A diamond in the rough.... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2007

Lot Pun

The Hebrew school teacher was describing how Lot's wife looked back and turned into a pillar of salt, when little David interrupted."My Mommy looked back once while she was DRIVING," he announced triu... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2080

Love Pun

"It's better to have loved and lost a short person than never to have loveda tall." - David Chambless read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

1759

Lumber Need

Some men in a pickup truck drove into a lumberyard. One of the men walked in the office and said, "We need some four-by-twos."The clerk asked, "You mean two-by-fours, don't you?"The man said, "I'll go... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

1864

Madness

Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

1858

Magazines

"I only get Newsweek and People," said Tom timelessly. read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

5209

Magna Carta Pun

A tour bus load full of noisy tourists arrives at Runnymede, England.They gather around the guide who says, "This is the spot where the barons forced King John to sign the Magna Carta."A man pushing h... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

1841

Make-Up

Applying mascara in a car can cause whipped lashes.... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

1977

Mall Musician

A down and out musician was playing his harmonica in the middle of a busy shopping mall. Striding over, a policeman asked, “May I please see your permit?” I don’t have one,” confessed the musician. “I... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2771

Manger Pun

Along with the three wise men, the shepherds, and the others who showed up at the manger, there was also a fellow on a white charger, wearing a suit of armor. But he didn't have as good a publicity ag... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2027

Many Foots

Once upon a time there were three little bunny rabbits, Foot, Foot-Foot, and Foot-Foot-Foot, and they were outside playing. All of a sudden, Foot grabs his head and says, "I'm really sick. I think I'm... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

5887

Marathon Pun

Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeat.... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2966

Mari's Voice

My friend Mari has a screechy voice that makes people queasy to hear it. The other day she came over for dinner. I served squid. After dinner she went out on the terrace and, observing a gorgeous suns... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2086

Marriage Benefit

With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

3149

Marriage Match

Did you hear about the manicurist and dentist who got married?They fought tooth and nail.... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

1973

Marriage Pun 1

Suppose a snake and an undertaker were wed.Would their towels read "Hiss" and "Hearse"?... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2239

Marriage Pun 2

Their marriage was going O.K. until they bought a water bed, then they started drifting apart.... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

3617

Marx Pun

Is Marx's tomb a communist plot?... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

1944

Mary Poppins Room Service

Mary Poppins was traveling home, but due to worsening weather, she decided to stop at a hotel. She approached the receptionist and asked for a room for the night."Certainly, madam," he replied courte... read more..