July 2011 - Monthly Archive - Results from #330

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

1840

Number Pun

There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win.Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2142

Nun

A sister from a local convent became a Certified Public accountant to help small shop owners manage their finances better. Her title: "Nun of Your Business."... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

4522

Donations to the order were down and the convent did not have the funds to continue in their usual manner. Rather than shutting down, Mother Superior ordered an austerity program requiring recycling o... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2462

Nun Pun 1

What do you call a sleep-walking nun? A Roamin' Catholic... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2405

Nun Pun 2

Several Nuns were in there second floor convent one night when a fire broke out. The Nuns took their habits and tied them together to make a rope to get out of the building via the window. After th... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2599

Nun Pun 3

The convent had been presented with a new car, a red Mini Metro, the pride of its breed. Sister Lucy, the only qualified driver, became the chauffeur for all and sundry. Every Saturday she would drive... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

1908

Nun Shopping

The convent had been presented with a new car, a red Mini Metro, the pride of its breed. Sister Lourdes, the only qualified driver, became the chauffer for all and sundry. Every Saturday she would d... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

19164

Nut Pun

A doctor made it his regular habit to stop at a bar for a hazelnut daiquiri on his way home. The bartender knew of his habit, and would always have the drink waiting at precisely 5:03 p.m. One after... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2074

Nut Sign

Sign in a nut shop: "No credit cards here. Strictly cashew and carry."... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2495

Offering Pun

There are more churches in Las Vegas than Casinos. During Sunday services at the Offertory, some worshipers contribute Casino Chips as opposed to cash. Some are sharing their winnings - some are hopi... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2044

Old Lawyers

Old lawyers never die. They just lose their appeal.... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

8648

Old West Pun

A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He sidles up to the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

7098

Olympic Pun

At the Olympics a man went up to a competitor who was carrying a very long pole."Are you a pole vaulter?""No, I'm German, but how did you know my name is Walter?"... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2322

On-board Computer

A friend of mine bought a new car that sported an on-board computer. One Sunday morning when he got into the car to drive to church, the digital display lit up. Glancing at the readout, he chuckled at... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2218

One and Two Yards

The difference between one yard and two yards is usually a fence.... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2443

Onion Mishap

Don't panic but I'm in hospital. I have poisoned myself. I ate what I thought was an onion it, turned out it was a daffodil bulb.Doctor says I'll be out in the spring!... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2088

Optometrist's Sign

See on a sign at an Optometrist's Office:"If you don't see what your looking for you've come to the right place."... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2081

Origin Pun

One day an ape escaped from the Bronx Zoo. They searched for him everywhere, in every borough. They announced his disappearance on the radio and television as well as the newspapers. But, no one re... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

3065

Oval Office

One day, the president of the United States was sitting in the Oval Office reading a newspaper to catch on that day's current events. All of a sudden, one of his secret service men burst through the d... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2400

Owl Lesson

A first grade class teacher, for the "Natural World" section of her class, had a lesson about owls.She explained to the class about how they are nocturnal, how they can swivel their heads so far in ei... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2061

Oy!

Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi?He walks around saying, "Yo."... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

3085

Paint Tin Pun

Man works in a hardware store, and all of a sudden one day, a whole lot of tins of paint fall on him.Of course, he's whisked off to hospital where they manage to clean him up physically, but mentally ... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

3006

Painting Pun

A guy in Paris nearly got away with stealing several paintings from the Louvre. However, after planning the crime, getting in and out past security, he was captured only 2 blocks away when his Ford E... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

5353

Paramedic Pun

Do you think Roman paramedics call IV's 4's?... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

4922

Parcel Pun

Working as a cargo handler for a major package delivery company, I came across an express envelope with shipping instructions that puzzled me, particularly the line describing the contents.I finally r... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2001

Park Rules

Here's another great pun from Stan Kegel.I took my two sons, ages seven and five, to the playground at our local park. My seven year old was very proud that he was able to read to his brother the sig... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

1796

Parking 1

"Whatever you do, when you stop by the auto-wrecking yard, don't park your small car in a spot marked 'Compact.'"- Lil Owens read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2199

Parking 2

You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windshield that said "Parking Fine."That was so nice.... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

5310

Parking Pun 1

Late for work already, I was annoyed to find a strange car in my reserved parking space again. After locating a spot far away, I stormed into my office determined to have the car towed. As the morni... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2020

Parking Pun 2

Late for work already, I was annoyed to find a strange car in my reserved parking space again. After locating a spot far away, I stormed into my office determined to have the car towed. As the morni... read more..