July 2011 - Monthly Archive - Results from #390

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2115

Poetry Pun

An English professor was reading Canterbury Tales to his class and noticed that one of his students had fallen asleep. The professor was annoyed enough to send the book spinning through the air and b... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2495

Political Pun

A Congressman is awakened in the middle of the night by his wife who whispers, "I think there's a thief in the house.""Not in the House," her husband says. "Perhaps in the Senate, my dear, but not in... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

4259

Poll Pun

I took a part time job as an opinion poll sampler. On my very first call, I introduced myself, "Hello, this is a telephone poll."The man replied, "Hello. This is a street lamp."... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2515

Pollster Pun

A political pollster knocked on the door and a sour-faced lady answered."What party does your husband belong to?" he asked.The lady responded curtly, "I sir, am the party he belongs to."... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2368

Pope Pun 1

Selecting a new Pope, a couple of Popes back, a gentleman from Spain was given weighty consideration. His name was Cardinal Sicola. However the College of Cardinals decided against him in the end. ... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

4670

Poppins Pun

Mary Poppins decides to grow some vegetables one year. When she picks her crop in the Autumn, her carrots, potatoes, onions and spring beans have all failed, but her cauliflowers have grown a treat.S... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

1812

Potato Problem

One evening, I went with my parents to a fancy restaurant. Dad was about halfway through his meal when he took a hard look at the potato, called the waitress over and said, "This potato is bad!" The w... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

1690

Pottie Pun

In order to move Porto-Potties, will you need a John Derek?... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

4658

Prayer Pun

A young woman went to her priest and asked him if it was all right for her to pray while she knit. The priest seeing a good opportunity to advance the theory of praying without ceasing replied that, ... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2409

Preacher Barber

There was once a small rural community, so small, in fact, the only church in town is a small Baptist church whose pastor must also double up as the local barber to make ends meet.There happened to be... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

6315

Presentation Pun

Preparing for the most important presentation of his life, a sales rep went to a psychiatrist. "I'll implant a hypnotic suggestion in your mind," said the shrink. "Just say 'one-two-three,' and you'... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

1925

Priest Hole

A priest rushed from church one day to keep a golf date. He was halfway down the first fairway, waiting to hit his second shot, when he heard the familiar "FORE!" and a ball slammed into his back.Soon... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

9189

Priest Pun

When a priest makes a mistake in church, it's a clerical error.... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2574

Prison

Jimmy was sent to prison for his crimes but he told the warden he wasn't worried at all about serving his full term.The warden asked him why, since most prisoners immediately start planning how they c... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

5072

Prison Break

The prison officer tells the warden, “Sir, I have to report that ten prisoners have broken out.”The alarmed warden says, “Blow the whistles, sound the alarms, alert the police.With a surprised look th... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2028

Prison Cupboards

Several years ago, Andy was sentenced to prison. During his stay, he got along well with the guards and all his fellow inmates.The warden knew that, deep down, Andy was a good person. So, the warden m... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2222

Prison Library Books

THE GANGSTERS by Robin SteeleMY LIFE IN CRIME by Upton O. GoodeBAD MONEY by Count R. FitzYOU ALWAYS GET CAUGHT by Sue Nora Later... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

1877

Prison Quartet

While I was preaching in a church in Mississippi, the pastor announced that their prison quartet would be singing the following evening. I wasn't aware there was a prison in the vicinity and I looked ... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

3200

Promise

“Vowing to avoid poison ivy is making a rash promise.”... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

5045

Proper Attire

Proper attire is required in the cafeteria at the University of Maine. To enforce that rule, the management posted this notice: "Shoes are required to eat in this cafeteria." Next to it, a student add... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2067

Pullover Question

Atlanta State trooper pulls over a pickup truck on I-75.He says to the driver, "Got any ID?"The driver says, "Bout what?"... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

5112

Pumping Pun

There was a man at a gas station, pumping gas into his truck. While pumping he got gas on his arm. He wiped some of it off, then forgot about it. He paid for his gas and got in the truck.As he was ... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2326

Pumpkin Math

Q: What do you get if you divide the circumference of your pumpkin by its diameter?A: Pumpkin Pi... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

1845

Pun Pun 1

A good pun is its own reword.... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2701

Pun Pun 2

The Head of The Church of Humor is the Puntiff.... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

1828

Punishment

An American history teacher, lecturing the class on the Puritans, asked "What sort of people were punished in the stocks?"To which a small voice from the back of the room responded "The small investor... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

1990

Pup Pun

A father gave his teenage daughter an untrained pedigreed pup for her birthday.An hour later, while wandering through the house, he found her looking at a puddle in the center of the kitchen floor. "... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2712

Putting

A teacher was taking her first golf lesson. "Is the word spelled 'put' or 'putt'?" she asked the instructor."'Putt' is correct," he replied."'Put' means to place a thing where you want it. 'Putt' mean... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

1953

Quarter Horse

One evening while I was preparing dinner, my daughter came into the kitchen asking for homework help on her vocabulary words. "Mom," she asked, "what's a quarter horse?"As I thought of a simple explan... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

3713

Quarter Pun 1

The British threatened to draw and quarter George Washington if they caught him.Isn't it ironic that Americans drew him on a quarter?... read more..