July 2011 - Monthly Archive - Results from #420

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2643

Quartet Pun 2

While I was preaching in a church in Mississippi, the pastor announced that their prison quartet would be singing the following evening. I wasn't aware there was a prison in the vicinity and I looked... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

6657

Quilt Pun

Sunday after church a mom asked her very young daughter what the lesson was about. The daughter answered, "Don't be scared, you'll get your quilt." Needless to say, the mom was perplexed. Later in the... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

3956

Rabbi Pun

Once upon a time there was a village up in the mountains and in this village lived the Tibet Refugees Isolated from Danger, or TRIDs. Now, the TRIDs of this village had a problem. There was a giant ... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

3068

Racetrack

A racetrack is a place where the windows clean the people.... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

1829

Radio City Music Hall

“There probably aren't many Jewish girls dancing at Radio City Music Hall, but it doesn't take a Rockette Zionist to figure that one out.“~ Gary Hallock... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

4717

Rain Pun

Late one evening, while sitting and looking out their kitchen window somewhere in northern Russia, Rudolf and his wife Tanya were observing the inclement weather."This rain is going to make a mess out... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2160

Raise

Our boss told us that she is planning a salary raise. One of the guys asked, "When does it become effective?"The boss answered, "As soon as you do."... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

1862

Raise Request

"I have to have a raise," the man said to his boss. "There are three other companies after me.""Is that so?" asked the manager. "What other companies are after you?""The electric company, the telepho read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2780

Raisin Bran Crime

Two police officers respond to a crime scene behind a grocery store. The homicide detective is already there. "What happened?" asks the first officer. "Male, about twenty-five, covered in Raisin Bran ... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2460

Rancher Pun

A rancher let his cows roam anywhere they wished. He lets the chips fall where they may.... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

15332

RaPUNzel

Fair Ladies and Noble Gentlemen:I, RaPUNzel, have a HAIR-raising tale to SHEAR with you written by the Brothers TRIMM.When I was a young CURL, a jealous queen LOCKed me in a tower.I was STRANDed and w... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

1909

Rat Presentation

Rodents had overrun a posh private school near New York City. So the headmaster asked a health inspector to deliver a slide presentation to teachers and students, showing how to remedy the situation, ... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2286

Realization Pun

A couple months ago, I entered a contest and ended up winning a few acres of swamp land below the flood plane in Mississippi.Before I knew it, right after that I won a $250,000 house, so naturally I b... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2059

Recession

I'm writing a book about the recession. It starts with Chapter 11.... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

1854

Recipe

A new young bride calls her mother in tears.She sobs, "Robert doesn't appreciate what I do for him.""Now, now," her mother comforted, "I am sure it was all just a misunderstanding.""No, mother, you do... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2027

Recipe Pun

Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

3291

Record Pun

Having been raised on CD's, I asked my hippie uncle how records were in the old days. He said, "Groovy."... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2588

Record Store Pun

A woman meant to call a record store but dialed the wrong number and got a private home instead. "Do you have 'Eyes of Blue' and 'A Love Supreme'?" she asked."Well, no," answered the puzzled homeowne... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

4560

Recruiting Pun

The chief of staff of the Air Force decided that he would personally intervene in a recruiting crisis affecting all of our armed services. So he directed that a nearby Air Force base be opened and th... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

5370

Refrigerator

A man opens his refrigerator, and the mayonnaise yells, "Close the door! I'm dressing!"... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

1861

Reindeer Answer

The game show contestant was only 200 points behind the leader and about to answer the final question - worth 500 points!"To be today's champion," the show's smiling host intoned, "name two of Santa's... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2362

Reindeer Problem

(This is an absolutely aweful pun - included here only because I know some of you sick pun lovers need your fix of torturing co-workers with it all day.)As you know, it is very important for Santa and read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

5972

Reindeer Pun

It was the night before Christmas when Santa Claus' sleigh team became one member short because of a sudden illness.When an inflatable plastic reindeer was used to fill the void in the team, so no one... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2040

Relocation

Village Dry Cleaners has relocated to High Street, right next door to St. Joseph's Church.After March 1, Cleanliness Is Next to Godliness.... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2151

Remuss Starr

An amateur genealogical researcher discovered that his great-great uncle, Remus Starr, a fellow lacking in character, was hanged for horse stealing and train robbery in Montana in 1889. The only known... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2058

Research

"Those who research and write about diseases could become ill-literate." read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2102

Resignation Letter

Asked why she was leaving her position, a secretary explained in her letter of resignation: "Dear Boss, My reason for leaving will soon be apparent - and so will I. Signed: Mary."... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

1952

Restaurant Chain

Did you hear about the new restaurant chain opening nationwide? It is a partnership between Kareem Abdul Jabarr, Ryan Coffee, and Sugar Ray Leonard.They're going to call it: "Coffee, with Kareem and S... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

1874

Restaurant Excitement

I was having dinner at a nice restaurant the other night. The couple at the next table were smooching from the moment they sat down. Oh how romantic, young love! But I couldn't figure out what was goi... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

3011

Restaurant Pun

I went into a French restaurant and asked the waiter, "Have you got frog'slegs?"He said, "Yes."So I said, "Well hop into the kitchen and get me a cheese sandwich."... read more..