July 2011 - Monthly Archive - Results from #480

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2771

Scientist Escape

A scientist, unjustly accused and convicted of a major crime, found himself sentenced to hard time in a prison out in the Arizona desert. His cellmate turned out to be another scientist. Determined to... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2712

Scout Fix

A scoutmaster and his wife were driving along a rural highway when they found the road blocked by a herd of cows that had escaped through a broken fence.The scoutmaster tried beeping his horn to scare... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

1929

Season Pun

Relief: What a tree does in the spring.... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2012

Seat Warmers

Sam and Ruth from Maine had just bought a new car when winter hit with all its fury. "I wonder if the car has seat warmers," Ruth wondered. "It sure does," said Sam, looking through the owner's manu... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2616

Seder Pun

A group of medical researchers have published data indicating that Seder participants should NOT partake of both chopped liver and Charoses. It seems that this combination can lead to Charoses of the... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

1777

Seder Pun 2

At our seder, we had whole wheat and bran matzoh fortified with Metamucil. The brand name is..."Let my people go."... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

1758

See Counselling

One afternoon The Sea rolled into the office of Dr. Alfred Werner, clinical psychologist.The doctor smiled; he hadn't seen his old friend in ages. "Well, well! Long time no sea! How are you doing?" "S... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2564

Sermon Pun

Rabbi Bloom was getting quite a reputation for his sermons. His synagogue was always packed because his congregation didn't want to miss a single one of his words. One Sabbath, one member had to go ... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

1901

Service Pun

A chicken walks into a restaurantThe bartender says, "We don't serve poultry!"The chicken replies, "That's okay. I just want a salad."... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

1814

Ship Pun

With ice covering his vessel's exterior, the old captain wasexperiencing a hard ship.... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2130

Shipwrecked

A guy gets shipwrecked. When he wakes up, he's on a beach. The sand is dark red. He can't believe it. The sky is dark red. He walks around a bit and sees there is dark red grass, dark red birds and da... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2029

Shopping Center

"Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall." read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

1737

Shopping Pun

"Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall." read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

4229

Shrink Pun

A man went into his shrink's office and says, "Doc, you have got to help me! Every night I keep dreaming that I'm a sports car. The other night I dreamed I was a Trans Am. Another night I dreamed I... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2648

Shyness

A certain man was infatuated with a young woman, but was so timid he never had the courage to speak to her. In fact, he even told his therapist that every time he got near her he felt like he was unim... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

12577

Sibling Pun

A new neighbor asked the little girl next door if she had any brothers and sisters.She replied, "No, I'm the lonely child."... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

3319

Sign Pun 1

Driving through Southern California, I stopped at a roadside stand that sold fruit, vegetables, and crafts. As I went to pay, I noticed the young woman behind the counter was painting a sign. "Why t... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2718

Sign Pun 2

This is an original pun by list member Randy Foncree.There are many road signs, but there are some that just puzzle me: "No passing zone, no crossing zone, and even speed zone." Just answer me this, ... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

9826

Silence Pun

At a wedding I attended, the priest called for a moment of silence to remember the faithful dead.As the church grew quiet, a little boy sitting in front of me turned to his father and said excitedly, ... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

10981

Silk Pun

As we all know silk comes from silk worms, and no amount of experiment had been successful in industrializing the production of silk. Till Harvey came along that is ....He came up with an ingenious n... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2303

Singing Fish

Jimmy: 'Hey, Mike! How's your new pet fish doing? You told me he was really something special.' Mike: 'To tell the truth, I'm really disappointed in him. The guy who sold him to me said I could teach ... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

1978

Singing Out

He broke into song because he couldn't find the key.... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

3948

Singing Pun

While attending college, I worked evenings at a retail store.On slow nights my co-worker Susan would often sing along with the radio while we did paperwork or restocked merchandise.One evening as the ... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

1836

Singing Type

"What kind of music do you sing?""Aqua-pella." read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

1735

Sister Mary

There was this nun named Sister Mary who, though she tried and tried, could never please the Mother Superior.One day she comes up with an idea: Since the abbey was always cold, she decided to cut some... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2046

Situation Puns

Randy W., of Los Angeles, put his mind to the oft-experienced problem of facing modern situations for which there are no existing words or phrases in the English language. The following are his sugge... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

7220

Skunk

A skunk family was cornered by a pack of wolves.The mama skunk said to her babies, "Let us spray."... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2540

Sleep Pun

A wife and husband both talked in their sleep. She loved auctions; his hobby was golf.The other night, the man yelled, "Fore!"His wife yelled back, "Four Fifty!"... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

8883

Smell Pun

Trying to control my dry hair, I treated my scalp with olive oil before washing it. Worried that the oil might leave an odor, I washed my hair several times. That night when I went to bed, I leaned ... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

4097

Smog Pun

California smog test: Can UCLA?... read more..