July 2011 - Monthly Archive - Results from #510

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

14606

Snail Pun

There was once a snail who was sick and tired of his reputation for being so slow. He decided to get some fast wheels to make up the difference.After shopping around a while, he decided that the Dats... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

3262

Snake Pun 1

One day I was walking across my yard and saw in the garden a stem of a winter onion with "sets" on top. It had grown quite crooked and resembled a snake. I got my camera and took a picture of it. W... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2196

Snake Pun 2

Noah opens up the ark and lets all the animals out, telling them to "Go forth and multiply."As he's closing the great doors of the ark he notices that there are two snakes sitting in a dark corner. S... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2014

Snow White Photos

Snow White took photos of the Dwarfs and their surroundings. She took the film to be developed. After a week or so she went to get the finished photos.The clerk said the photos were not back from the ... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

4329

Soccer Pun 1

David Beckham, the famous English soccer player, is teaching his new son Romeo the finer points about soccer. After a while Romeo asks his Dad what number he should have on his uniform when he starts... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

3848

Soccer Pun 2

Followers of the tiny Scottish soccer club Inverness Caledonain-Thistle refer to the club as "Caley." The team delighted fans one winter when it eliminated heavily favored Glasgow Celtic 3-1 in the S... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2498

Son Pun

The conservative businessman got on the elevator and curtly asked the bellboy to take him to the 18th floor.When he arrived the young operator said, "Here you are, son!""How dare you call me son!?!" e... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

4639

Songs For Bible Characters

*The Songs For Bible Characters*Noah: "Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head"Adam and Eve: "Strangers in Paradise"Lazarus: "The Second Time Around"Esther: "I Feel Pretty"Job: "I've Got a Right to Sing the read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

7239

Soup Pun

When the waitress in a New York City restaurant brought him the soup du jour, the Englishman was a bit dismayed."Good night!," he said, "What is this?""Why, it's bean soup," she replied."I don't care ... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2199

Space News

"I have just learned that we do have the film of the astronauts' breakfast, which should be coming up shortly."- Frank McGee of NBC News during the course of a Gemini space flight. read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

1775

Specialty Store

I was travelling to Seattle on business. Knowing how the weather is up there (and lacking the proper clothing), I went to a local outdoor shop for a inclement weather clothing. Not finding what I wa... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2216

Speeding

The state trooper pulled Dr. Schwartz over and, after inspecting his license and registration, informed the motorist that he was going to have to spend the night in jail. "What's the charge? Dr. Sch... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

1997

Spoiled

Too many clicks spoil the browse.... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

9100

Spooky Puns

Q: What is Frankenstein's favorite waterway?A: The Eerie Canal.Q: What is a ghosts favorite ride at the midway?A: A roller ghoster!!Q: Why does the Mummy keep his Band-aids in the refrigerator?A: He w... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

1880

St. Andreas

One of the more important of the Patron Saints is St. Andreas (in Spanish - San Andreas)... The patron saint of generosity.In fact, people say he was generous to a fault.... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

9113

Stained Glass

A young minister was filling in for Norman Vincent Peal at Marblegate Cathedral. Ascending the pulpit he looked at the magnificent colored glass windows and told the congregation: "You know, these bea... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

1800

Stallions

Two show stallions are arguing over who should take best of breed.The first says, "I'll grant you are the closest I have ever seen to my equal, but my legs are just a bit straighter than yours, and, y... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

1830

Star Wars Eating

Luke and Obi-Wan are in a Chinese restaurant having a meal. Obi-Wan is deftly manipulating his chopsticks with the ease you'd expect from a Jedi Master.Anyway, poor old Luke is having a hard time, usi... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

5060

Stationary

"No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationary." read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

3055

Statistic Pun

More than five million American women are overweight. These, of course, are round figures.... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

1891

Statue Discovery

Two archeologists, exploring a remote mountain in Tibet came across a huge granite statue which resembled a sitting man. It stood almost 400 foot tall, and its bodily details were accurate down to the... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

6013

Stereo Speaker

"One of my stereo's speakers is out," said Tom monotonously. read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

9032

Stock Market Pun

It's not just the stock market that's been telegraphing "trouble" about the economy. The price of thoroughbreds has matched Wall Street's gyrations. Yearlings that sold for an average of $27,295 in ... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2366

Stocking Purchase

Walking into a lingerie store, a customer says to the clerk, "I'd like to buy a pair of stockings for my wife."The clerk asks, "Sheer?"The man replies "No. She's in another store."... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

1957

Stocks

An American history teacher, lecturing the class on the Puritans, asked: "What sort of people were punished in the stocks?" To which a small voice from the back of the room responded: "The small inves... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

14350

Stone Statue

I couldn't believe that the statue was not made of stone. Next time, I won't take a work of art for granite.... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

6049

Stopping Pun

I had given our daughter, who was 14 at the time, a drivers manual. On the way to town one day, I was coaching her as I drove. I told her to be studying her book so as to be ready when it came time ... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

9565

Strawberry Pun

A guy walks into a doctor's office with a strawberry growing out of his head.The doctor says, "I'll give you some cream to put on it."... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

4295

Strike Pun

The workers at the Federal Mint went on strike today. They are demanding to make less money!... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2141

Student Pun

The other day I saw school students applying cosmetics. They were taking a makeup test.... read more..