July 2011 - Monthly Archive - Results from #540

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

1920

Sugar Pig

Ben: One of our pigs was sick so I gave him some sugar.Dan: Sugar! What for?Ben: Haven't you ever heard of sugar-cured ham?... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

1710

Suit Purchase

He said he bought his suit for a ridiculous price.The truth is, he bought it for an absurd figure.... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

3378

Sun Pun

Did you hear about the goober who stayed up all night wondering where the sun went?It finally dawned on him.... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

4847

Sunbathing Pun

Reading whilst sunbathing makes you well-red.... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2399

A Sunday School teacher began her lesson with a question."Boys and girls, what do we know about God?"A hand shot up in the air."He is an artist!" said the kindergarten boy."Really?! How do you know?"... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

13222

Sunrise

One morning a man got up early to watch the sun rise.As he sat in the dark it suddenly dawned on him!... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

3901

Sure Is

An old couple was just settling in to bed one night when the phone rang. The husband got out of bed and went into the living room to answer the phone. His wife could hear him say, "Hello?" Then he ... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

3724

Anesthetic Pun

If you are wondering what a Goober is, there is a picture of one here. A goober was making his first visit to a hospital where his teenage son was about to have an operation. Watching the doctor's e... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2976

Swallowed Coins

A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, "No change yet."... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

6639

Sweat

Sweat: Workman's Condensation... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

8102

Sweater Pun

A grandmother sent her grandson a sweater for his birthday.Unfortunately, he had a size 14 neck and she sent a size 12 sweater. His mother insisted that he send a thank you note.So he wrote, "Dear Gr... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

3686

Swimming Friends

Morty and Saul, are out one afternoon on a lake when their boat starts sinking. Saul the banker says to Morty, "So listen, Morty, you know I don't swim so well." Morty remembered how to carry another ... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2377

Syntax

Syntax is all the money collected at church from sinners.... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

1841

Table For Eight

A Jewish couple won twenty-million dollars in the lottery. They immediately set out to begin a life of luxury. They bought a magnificent mansion estate in Southampton and surrounded themselves with ... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2459

Tackle Box

On her 15th birthday, my daughter opened a package from her mom and her sisters. Out came a beauty case containing many samples of makeup."Neat!" I exclaimed. "Your own tackle box!"My wife calmly expl... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

1942

Tail Whacker

A woman was working in her yard with the weed whacker, when she accidentally cut off the tail of her cat.She ran screaming into the house, and told her husband, wondering what to do.He replied calmly,... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

1958

Talking Dog

I have a dog that talks in its sleep. One day a visitor was astonished to hear the dog bellow, "My name is Christopher Columbus! I am seven hundred years old! I own America! I married Marilyn Monroe!"... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

17809

Tall Pun

I was in the kitchen one day, trying to reach the baking powder on the top shelf of a cabinet. Being only five feet tall, I had to stretch, but still couldn't grab the box.Fortunately, I have two six... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

3422

Tank-Top

"I don't know why my wife is mad at me for the tank top she wanted for her Christmas present. I found the turret but just could not get anyone to sell me the howitzer."- Lawrence Brotherton read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

14822

Tape Pun

I need some duct tape - my duck has a quack in it.... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

8205

Tater Puns

Sweet, Red, and Idaho are all favorite kinds of taters (potatoes). Here are some lesser known ones.1. Some people are very bossy and like to tell everyone what to do, but of course they do not wish ... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2835

Taxidermist's Sign

Seen on a Taxidermist's sign:"We really know our stuff."... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2209

Tea

George loved tea. He'd always come over for several cups. He had an insatiable thirst. He became such a nuisance that we decided to fix him.To cure him of all desire for tea, we decided to drown him w... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2780

Tea Pun

Many people assume that Earl Gray tea got its name by being the favorite of that English earl. However, it seems that there is a small town in Wales named Earl Gray where the town's citizens are gett... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

1854

Teller Postion

First man: I hear the First National Bank is looking for a new teller. Second man: I thought they just hired a new teller last week. First man: Right. That's the one they're looking for.... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

9991

Temperature Pun

Q - Which one is faster, hot or cold?A - Hot -- because everyone knows how easy it is to catch a cold.... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

9091

Tequila

A ten-year-old girl asked and received help from a librarian on how to use the card catalog. In a little while, the girl approached the librarian again, wanting to know how to spell "tequila.""T-e-q-u... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2297

Terrace Water

My wife and I were having lunch at a fashionable eatery in Annapolis when we noticed what looked like a familiar face at the next table. Screwing up my courage, I asked, "Excuse me. Aren't you Marlin ... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2400

Texas Banter

When I attended a convention once of oil men, the first speaker was from Texas. He rambled on about nonsense for a good half hour and then introduced the next gent, who happened to be from Oklahoma. T... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

1921

The A Team Inc.

The A Team, With apologies to the TV Program. A Jerry Ulett Original.John and Mark of The A-Team, Inc, were noted for their abilities to solve any computer problem.Their greatest challenge was to crea... read more..