July 2011 - Monthly Archive - Results from #570

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

1937

The Cowboy's New Car

Three cowboys were hanging out in the bunkhouse."I know that smart alec Tex" said the first. "He's going to start bragging about that new foreign car he ought as soon as he gets back""Not Tex" said th... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

3490

The Sea

What does the sea say to the sand?Not much. It usually just waves.... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2725

Theft Pun

It was reported in today's news that some frosty orange drinks were stolen. The police suspect it is the work of a Julius seizer.... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2161

Thesaurus

Thesaurus: ancient reptile with an excellent vocabulary.... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

3433

Three Little Piggies

Three little piggies went out to dinner one night. The waiter came and took their orders for drinks."I would like a Sprite," said the first little piggy."I would like a glass of Coke," said the second... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

3384

Three Pack of Puns mx22

Cat show judge: PurrfectionistDislike of a relative: AuntagonismDifferent place to get married: Altarnative... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2194

Ticket Collection

"What am I supposed to do with this?" grumbled a motorist as the policeman handed him a speeding ticket."Keep it," the cop said, "when you collect four of them you get a bicycle." read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2080

Ticket Explanation

Her car was speeding along Interstate 80 at well over 80 miles an hour when it passed by a State Trooper. Obviously, the officer was compelled to pull the young female driver over and he asked to see ... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

6480

Ticket Pun 1

A guy was in court charged with parking in a restricted area. The judge asked him if he had anything to say in his defense."They shouldn't put up such misleading notices," said the guy. "The sign sa... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

4859

Tickle Pun 2

Q: How do you tickle a rich girl?A: Say, "Gucci Gucci Gucci!"... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2302

Tickled

I'm tickled to be the chairman of the Society for People with Super-Sensitive Feet.... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

11526

Tie Pun

A man goes into a restaurant and the maitre'd stops him."Sorry sir, you need to wear a tie to enter".So the man goes back to his car and looks around, but there's no necktie to be found. So he takes ... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2331

Time Pun

When a clock is hungry, does it go back four seconds?... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2262

Tire Shop Sign

Seen on a sign a a tire shop in Milwaukee:"Invite us to your next blowout."... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2102

Title

"Knocking Your Funny Bone" by O. Howard Hertz read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2562

Today's Market Activity

Helium was up.Feathers were down.Paper was stationary.Fluorescent tubing was dimmed in light trading.Knives were up sharply.Cows steered into a bull market.Pencils lost a few points.Hiking equipment w... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2526

Toilet Theft

Police in New Zealand were mystified by the apparent theft of a complete toilet bowl from a police station in Auckland.When a local news reporter asked the police sergeant if they had any leads, he re... read more..

Time used to fly; now it's afraid of terrorists.... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2944

Tree Pun

We have an old tree that became diseased and was losing its bark. We felt it needed a bark transplant and called a tree surgeon.The communication was mangled and when the surgeon arrived, he went to ... read more..