Monthly Archive

"In democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes." read more..

The diner was furious when his steak arrived too rare. "Waiter," he barked, "didn't you hear me say 'well done'?"I can't thank you enough, sir," replied the waiter."I hardly ever get a compliment."... read more..

HOW TO MAKE A TOURNIQUET by Hank R. Schiff HANDLING YOUR EMOTIONS by Mel. N. Collie CALM DOWN by Ed. G. Nerves KNOCKING YOUR FUNNY BONE by Howard Hertz... read more..

Timmy was a little five year old boy that his Mom loved very much and, being a worrier, she was concerned about him walking to school when he started Kindergarten. She walked him to school the couple... read more..

An extremely red-faced man stormed into the tiny shop on the corner of Lingot and Main.Pushing his way past the assorted browsers, he bore down on the sales counter like a Scud missile.The lone clerk ... read more..

A man parked his car at the supermarket and was walking past an empty cart when he heard a woman ask, "Excuse me, did you want that cart?" "No," he answered. "I'm only after one thing."As he walked to... read more..

A watched clock never boils.... read more..

Out on a walk with my new girlfriend last night, only a small sliver of the moon was visible in the sky. She turned to me and asked, "Is it waxing or waning?" I had no idea what to answer, but wanting... read more..

News reports have filtered out early this morning that US forces have swooped on an Iraqi primary school and detained teacher Mohammed Al-Hazar.Sources indicate that, when arrested, Al-Hazar was in po... read more..

Selma and Irving receive an invitation in the mail. Since it was many years since they were invited anywhere, they read it with glee, very excited that they were asked to attend a wedding.All was fine... read more..

A little boy was in a relative's wedding. As he was coming down the aisle he would take two steps, stop, and turn to the crowd (alternating between bride's side and groom's side). While facing the c... read more..

During the weeks before Jill's wedding, she was terribly anxious about making some mistakes at the ceremony. The minister reassured her several times, pointing out that the service was not difficult ... read more..

My friend Cindy was walking up Third Avenue in Manhattan thinking about her impending wedding. Strung across the street in midtown was a large protest banner.When she arrived home, she said to her fi... read more..

Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.... read more..

"A wedding ring is like a tourniquet -- it cuts off your circulation!" read more..

"When you walk down the aisle don't look grim."Said the preacher. "We'll then sing a hymn.When I stand by the alterThe groom must not falter.""Ahh yes," said the bride, "Aisle, alter, hymn."- Gill Kre read more..

Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much. The second one, naturally, beca... read more..

Realizing that I'd put on a pound or two, I lamented to my husband, "I'm fat."And right on cue he said what all good husbands must: "You're not fat." To support his position, he added, "Just look aro... read more..

A colleague was planning a trip to my business office and asked if I could find him a hotel with exercise facilities. I called several hotels, with no luck. Finally, I thought I had found one. I asked... read more..

Line from an old Western: Get off the cook stove,grandpa, you're too old to ride the range.... read more..

A high-school student came home from school seeming rather depressed. "What's the matter, son," asked his mother. The boy says, "It's my grades. They're all wet." "What do you mean `all wet?'" "I mean... read more..

I asked my mailman why my letters were all wet...he said "postage dew".... read more..

I asked my mailman why my letters were all wet.He said "postage dew".... read more..

One of the basic equations of physics is e = hv, where v is the Greek letter 'nu' (pronounced new).This can be written v = e/h. If one physicist were to ask another, "What's new?" the other might answ... read more..

Where Professionals Go On VacationArtists: Painted Desert, ArizonaAthletes: Olympia Heights, FloridaCandy Makers: Carmel, IndianaCollege Professors: University City, MissouriEcologists: Green Bay Wisc... read more..

A person's last will and testament is a dead giveaway.... read more..

I haven't checked snopes.com to see if this actually works or not . . . But they say that if you ever get the sudden urge to run around naked, you should sniff some Windex first. It'll keep you from s... read more..

A window salesman phoned a customer."Hello, Mr. Brown," said the sales rep. "I'm calling because our company replaced all the windows in your house with our triple-glazed weather-tight windows over ... read more..

A preacher was called upon to substitute for the regular minister, who had failed to reach the church because he was delayed in a snowstorm. The speaker began by explaining the meaning of substitute.... read more..

In California's Sonoma Valley, where vineyards cater to wine snobbery, a woman phoned the classified ad department of a newspaper. She offered for sale what sounded like "well-aged Caumeneur."The ad-... read more..