July 2011 - Monthly Archive - Results from #630

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2236

Wedding Pun 4

Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

1982

Wedding Ring 5

"A wedding ring is like a tourniquet -- it cuts off your circulation!" read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2337

"When you walk down the aisle don't look grim."Said the preacher. "We'll then sing a hymn.When I stand by the alterThe groom must not falter.""Ahh yes," said the bride, "Aisle, alter, hymn."- Gill Kre read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2059

Weevil Pun 1

Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much. The second one, naturally, beca... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

3947

Weight Pun 2

Realizing that I'd put on a pound or two, I lamented to my husband, "I'm fat."And right on cue he said what all good husbands must: "You're not fat." To support his position, he added, "Just look aro... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2997

Weight Room

A colleague was planning a trip to my business office and asked if I could find him a hotel with exercise facilities. I called several hotels, with no luck. Finally, I thought I had found one. I asked... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

6337

Western Pun

Line from an old Western: Get off the cook stove,grandpa, you're too old to ride the range.... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

1991

Wet Grades

A high-school student came home from school seeming rather depressed. "What's the matter, son," asked his mother. The boy says, "It's my grades. They're all wet." "What do you mean `all wet?'" "I mean... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2122

Wet Letters

I asked my mailman why my letters were all wet...he said "postage dew".... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

1985

Wet Postage

I asked my mailman why my letters were all wet.He said "postage dew".... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

1928

What's v

One of the basic equations of physics is e = hv, where v is the Greek letter 'nu' (pronounced new).This can be written v = e/h. If one physicist were to ask another, "What's new?" the other might answ... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

3211

Where Professionals Go On Vacation

Where Professionals Go On VacationArtists: Painted Desert, ArizonaAthletes: Olympia Heights, FloridaCandy Makers: Carmel, IndianaCollege Professors: University City, MissouriEcologists: Green Bay Wisc... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

4666

Wills

A person's last will and testament is a dead giveaway.... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

6385

Windex

I haven't checked snopes.com to see if this actually works or not . . . But they say that if you ever get the sudden urge to run around naked, you should sniff some Windex first. It'll keep you from s... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2793

Window Pun 1

A window salesman phoned a customer."Hello, Mr. Brown," said the sales rep. "I'm calling because our company replaced all the windows in your house with our triple-glazed weather-tight windows over ... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2850

Window Pun 2

A preacher was called upon to substitute for the regular minister, who had failed to reach the church because he was delayed in a snowstorm. The speaker began by explaining the meaning of substitute.... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2445

Wine Ad Pun

In California's Sonoma Valley, where vineyards cater to wine snobbery, a woman phoned the classified ad department of a newspaper. She offered for sale what sounded like "well-aged Caumeneur."The ad-... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2320

Winner Pun

A guy entered a contest and ended up winning a few acres of swampland in the Mississippi flood plain. He'd never won anything before - he couldn't believe it!So he entered another contest and won a $2... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

1832

Winnings Pun

A couple months ago, I entered a contest and ended up winning a few acres of swamp land below the flood plane in Mississippi.Before I knew it, right after that I won a $250,000 house, so naturally I b... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2606

Wit Pun

I spend half my time being witty. That's why people call me a half wit.... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

1824

Wooden Parts

Two little boys were sitting on the dock talking. One little boy turned to the other little boy and said, "My grandfather has a wooden leg."The other little boy replied, "So what? My grandma has a c... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2131

Work Pun 1

A night watchman is a man who earns his living without doing a day's work.... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2031

Work Pun 2

Stress management: What many employees like to do on purpose.... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2513

WWJD Pun

Most people assume WWJD is for "What would Jesus do?" But the initials really stand for "What would Jesus drive?" One theory is that Jesus would tool around in an old Plymouth because the Bible says, ... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

5539

X-Ray Failure

The medical student was shocked when he received a failing grade in radiology. Approaching the professor, he demanded to know the reason for the grade."You know the self X-ray you took?" asked the pro... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2356

X-Ray Lie

Never lie to an x-ray technician.They can see right through you.... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2042

Yacht Refinancing

I went to my bank to refinance a loan on my yacht. Making small talk with the loan officer, I told her that she was the main reason I came to that branch.Not even looking up from her paperwork, the lo... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2251

You've Been Promoted

So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said "You've been promoted," and I swerved.Then he rang up a second time and said "You've been promoted again,"and I swerved aga... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

3993

Zoo Pun

Cleaning out the aviary at a run-down zoo, the keeper finds two finches that have died of old age. He picks them up and places them in a sack. After cleaning the cage he puts the sack in his wheelba... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

4186

Zookeeper Pun

A man had started a new job at the zoo, after many months of being unemployed. He was determined to make a go of this job and on the first day he asked the Boss "What shall I do?""Clean out the fish ... read more..