July 2011 - Monthly Archive - Results from #660

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1675

One-liner #0001

“The key to success is sincerity. Once you can fake that, you’ve got it made.” - Jean Giraudoux.... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1432

One-liner #0002

"A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer." read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1447

One-liner #0003

"A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door." read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1558

One-liner #0004

"A deceased atheist is a man who is all dressed up with no place to go!" read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1484

One-liner #0005

"A diplomatic husband said to his wife, 'How do you expect me to remember your birthday when you never look any older?'" read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1281

One-liner #0006

"A father is a guy who has snapshots in his wallet where his money used to be." read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1443

One-liner #0007

"A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries." read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1369

One-liner #0008

"A healthy adult male consumes each year one-and-one-half times his own weight in other people's patience." read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1360

One-liner #0009

"A key ring is a gadget that allows you to lose all your keys at once." read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1441

One-liner #0010

"A lot of people like snow. I find it to be an unnecessary freezing of water." Carl Reiner read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1294

One-liner #0011

"A man who correctly guesses a woman's age may be smartbut he's not very bright." read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1432

One-liner #0012

"A penny saved is a Congressional spending oversight." read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1297

One-liner #0013

"A penny saved is just another thing for the cat to knock off of the dresser." read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1308

One-liner #0014

"A procrastinator's work is never done." read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1422

One-liner #0015

"A reasent studdi haz shon dat peepal hoo aar werry samaarat end gudd lukeeng mak manee spallings misstake... Vatt iz yorr opeeneum?" read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1383

One-liner #0016

"A scientist can discover a new star, but he cannot make one. He would have to ask an engineer to do that."~Gordon L. Glegg, American Engineer, 1969 read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1362

One-liner #0017

"A smart husband buys his wife very fine china so she won't trust him to wash it." read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1515

One-liner #0018

"A stitch in time would have confused Einstein." read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1299

One-liner #0019

"Accomplishing the impossible only means the boss will add it to your regular duties." read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1356

One-liner #0020

"According to the Academy of Incomplete Research, 9 out of 10." read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1408

One-liner #0021

"Actually if ya think about it, you really don't need a whole lot of manners if you're driving a 35 ton truck." read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1361

One-liner #0022

"After years of uneventfully ordering a side of bacon with breakfast, you can image my surprise at the side of beef I ordered last night for dinner."- Scott E. Frank read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1354

One-liner #0023

"All good One-liners are one character too lon" read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1340

One-liner #0024

"All the world loves a lover - except people who are waiting to use the phone."- Milton Berle read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1380

One-liner #0025

"Always keep several get well cards on the mantle - if unexpected guests arrive, they'll think you've been sick and unable to clean." read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1360

One-liner #0026

"Amazing - you hang something in your closet for a while and it shrinks 2 sizes!" read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1496

One-liner #0027

"Among the English language's many puzzling words is 'economy' which means the large size in toothpaste and the small size in automobiles." read more..