Monthly Archive

A guy entered a contest and ended up winning a few acres of swampland in the Mississippi flood plain. He'd never won anything before - he couldn't believe it!So he entered another contest and won a $2... read more..

A couple months ago, I entered a contest and ended up winning a few acres of swamp land below the flood plane in Mississippi.Before I knew it, right after that I won a $250,000 house, so naturally I b... read more..

I spend half my time being witty. That's why people call me a half wit.... read more..

Two little boys were sitting on the dock talking. One little boy turned to the other little boy and said, "My grandfather has a wooden leg."The other little boy replied, "So what? My grandma has a c... read more..

A night watchman is a man who earns his living without doing a day's work.... read more..

Stress management: What many employees like to do on purpose.... read more..

Most people assume WWJD is for "What would Jesus do?" But the initials really stand for "What would Jesus drive?" One theory is that Jesus would tool around in an old Plymouth because the Bible says, ... read more..

The medical student was shocked when he received a failing grade in radiology. Approaching the professor, he demanded to know the reason for the grade."You know the self X-ray you took?" asked the pro... read more..

Never lie to an x-ray technician.They can see right through you.... read more..

I went to my bank to refinance a loan on my yacht. Making small talk with the loan officer, I told her that she was the main reason I came to that branch.Not even looking up from her paperwork, the lo... read more..

So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said "You've been promoted," and I swerved.Then he rang up a second time and said "You've been promoted again,"and I swerved aga... read more..

Cleaning out the aviary at a run-down zoo, the keeper finds two finches that have died of old age. He picks them up and places them in a sack. After cleaning the cage he puts the sack in his wheelba... read more..

A man had started a new job at the zoo, after many months of being unemployed. He was determined to make a go of this job and on the first day he asked the Boss "What shall I do?""Clean out the fish ... read more..

“The key to success is sincerity. Once you can fake that, you’ve got it made.” - Jean Giraudoux.... read more..

"A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer." read more..

"A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door." read more..

"A deceased atheist is a man who is all dressed up with no place to go!" read more..

"A diplomatic husband said to his wife, 'How do you expect me to remember your birthday when you never look any older?'" read more..

"A father is a guy who has snapshots in his wallet where his money used to be." read more..

"A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries." read more..

"A healthy adult male consumes each year one-and-one-half times his own weight in other people's patience." read more..

"A key ring is a gadget that allows you to lose all your keys at once." read more..

"A lot of people like snow. I find it to be an unnecessary freezing of water." ­ Carl Reiner read more..

"A man who correctly guesses a woman's age may be smartbut he's not very bright." read more..

"A penny saved is a Congressional spending oversight." read more..

"A penny saved is just another thing for the cat to knock off of the dresser." read more..

"A procrastinator's work is never done." read more..

"A reasent studdi haz shon dat peepal hoo aar werry samaarat end gudd lukeeng mak manee spallings misstake... Vatt iz yorr opeeneum?" read more..

"A scientist can discover a new star, but he cannot make one. He would have to ask an engineer to do that."~Gordon L. Glegg, American Engineer, 1969 read more..

"A smart husband buys his wife very fine china so she won't trust him to wash it." read more..