July 2011 - Monthly Archive - Results from #690

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1381

One-liner #0031

"Anytime you have a 50/50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong." read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1521

One-liner #0032

"Are there any side effects to these pills apart from bankruptcy?" read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1501

One-liner #0033

"Are you breaking the law if you drive past those road signs that say "Do Not Pass"?" read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1390

One-liner #0034

"As a child, I was the kind my mother wouldn't let me play with." read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1316

One-liner #0035

"As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing." read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1335

One-liner #0036

"As a teenager you are in the last stage of life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you."~Fran Lebowitz read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1321

One-liner #0037

"As I said before, I never repeat myself." read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1408

One-liner #0038

"Ask me about my vow of silence." read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1395

One-liner #0039

"Assumption is the mother of all foul-ups." read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1320

One-liner #0040

"At my age, forget all the health food; I need all the preservatives I can get!" read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1389

One-liner #0041

"At my age, I can't see the forest OR the trees." read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1371

One-liner #0042

"At my age, I've seen it all, done it all, heard it all. I just can't remember it all." read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1363

One-liner #0043

"At work, the authority of a person is inversely proportional to the number of pens that person is carrying." read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1561

One-liner #0044

"Ba-dee, ba-dee, ba-dee . . . . .that's all folks."- Porky Pig read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1371

One-liner #0045

"Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint."~ Mark Twain read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1302

One-liner #0046

"Be different; Conform." read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1395

One-liner #0047

"Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for."~Will Rogers read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1331

One-liner #0048

"Before resolving to jog five miles a day, visit a cardiologist to have your heart examined, a podiatrist to have your feet examined and a psychiatrist to have your head examined. " read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1421

One-liner #0049

"Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?" read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1371

One-liner #0050

"Beware of programmers who carry screwdrivers." read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1319

One-liner #0051

"Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever." read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1364

One-liner #0052

"Buffet" is a French term that means, "Get up and get it yourself."- Greg Ray read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1246

One-liner #0053

"Business conventions are important because they demonstrate how many people a company can operate without." read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1492

One-liner #0054

"By doing just a little every day, you can gradually let the task completely overwhelm you." read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1327

One-liner #0055

"By the time you make ends meet, they move the ends." read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1362

One-liner #0056

"Camping is nature's way of promoting the motel business." read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1378

One-liner #0057

"Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawn-shop?" read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1370

One-liner #0058

"Carbohydrates: The stuff that makes food taste good." read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1421

One-liner #0059

"Cats regard people as warm-blooded furniture." - Jacquelyn Mitchard read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1410

One-liner #0060

"Centipede: An ant built to government specifications." read more..