July 2011 - Monthly Archive - Results from #720

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1354

One-liner #0061

"Chickens should learn to talk because nobody ever said let's go get a bucket of parrot." read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1403

One-liner #0062

"Childhood is that wonderful time of life when all you need to do to lose weight is take a bath."- Richard Zera. read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1418

One-liner #0063

"Christmas -- when what to my wondering eyes should appear, but ten extra pounds on hip, thigh and rear!" read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1367

One-liner #0064

"Christmas is just like any day at the office - you do all the work and one guy in a suit gets all the credit." read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1338

One-liner #0065

"Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like clearing the driveway before it has stopped snowing." read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1376

One-liner #0066

"Cloning is the sincerest form of flattery." read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1388

One-liner #0067

"College - The four year period when parents are permitted access to the telephone." read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1481

One-liner #0068

"DIAPER spelled backward is REPAID; think about it." read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1368

One-liner #0069

"Did you know that dolphins are so intelligent that, within only a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand at the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?" read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1186

One-liner #0070

"Ditch the driving test for an I.Q. test." read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1440

One-liner #0071

"Do the right thing because one cookie would just be afraid by itself in the dark, right?" read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1414

One-liner #0072

"Do you find it strange that lemon juice is made with artificial flavor but dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons?" read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1389

One-liner #0073

"Dogs lick you because they love you - cats lick you because you had chicken for dinner." read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1270

One-liner #0074

"Don't be irreplaceable - if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted." read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1340

One-liner #0075

"Don't go huntin' with a fellow named Chug-A-Lug." read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1333

One-liner #0076

"Don't let anyone tell you you're getting old - squash their toes with your rocker." read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1407

One-liner #0077

"Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive." read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1307

One-liner #0078

"Don't tell fish stories where the people know you; but particularly, don't tell them where they know the fish."- Mark Twain read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1460

One-liner #0079

"Don't think of it as getting hot flashes. Think of it as your inner child playing with matches." read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1414

One-liner #0080

"Don't think you're on the right road just because it's a well-beaten path." read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1435

One-liner #0081

"Don't you hate it when people can't sphel? " read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1544

One-liner #0082

"Due to the shape of the North American Elk's esophagus, even if it could speak, it could not pronounce the word lasagna."- Cliff Clavin, Cheers read more..