July 2011 - Monthly Archive - Results from #840

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1391

One-liner #0181

"If you haven't accomplished anything so far, then your best days are likely to be ahead of you - but then again, you should consider your track record." read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1481

One-liner #0182

"If you jog in a jogging suit, lounge in lounging pajamas, and smoke in a smoking jacket, WHY would anyone want to wear a windbreaker?" read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1336

One-liner #0183

"If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip." read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1299

One-liner #0184

"If you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen." read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1485

One-liner #0185

"If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say - talk in your sleep." read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1429

One-liner #0186

"If you're a cynic, everyone's corrupt - if you're an idealist, everyone's corrupt, except you." read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1240

One-liner #0187

"If you're not a part of the solution, there's good money in prolonging the problem." read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1246

One-liner #0188

"If you're not receiving enough attention in a store, try knocking over some very expensive antique lamps." read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1338

One-liner #0189

"Illegal aliens have always been a problem in the United States. Ask any Indian."- Robert Orben read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1341

One-liner #0190

"I'm a pretty patient person - just as long as I'm not kept waiting for anything." read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1292

One-liner #0191

"I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters."- Frank Lloyd Wright read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1214

One-liner #0192

"I'm going to live forever, or die trying!"~Spider Robinson read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1316

One-liner #0193

"I'm in great shape for a man of 65 years - it's too bad I'm only 42." read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1341

One-liner #0194

"I'm nobody's fool, but am available for adoption." read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1355

One-liner #0195

"I'm not 40-something. I'm $39.95, plus shipping and handling." read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1288

One-liner #0196

"I'm not afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens."- Woody Allen read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1394

One-liner #0197

"I'm sorry. Am I driving too close in front of you?" read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1295

One-liner #0198

"I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch; my grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch."- Woody Allen read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1240

One-liner #0199

"In Congress someone gets up to speak and says nothing, nobody listens, and then they all disagree." read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1300

One-liner #0200

"In light of the economic crisis, My family extending the 5 second rule for dropped food to 10 seconds, especially in the case of blueberries."- Rick Griffin read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1398

One-liner #0201

"In order to keep a true perspective of one's importance, everyone should have a dog that will worship him and a cat that will ignore him." read more..