Monthly Archive

"Like many women my age, I am 28 years old.”~ Mary Schmich read more..

"Livestock usually is a poor choice for a wedding gift." read more..

"Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft - today, it's called golf." read more..

"May thy ball lie in green pastures ... and not in still waters." read more..

"Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage - they've experienced pain and bought jewelry." read more..

"Money can't buy happiness - but somehow it's more comfortable to cry in a Corvette than in a Yugo" read more..

"Money can't buy happiness, but it can buy ice cream, and that's close enough." read more..

"Most cars on our roads have only one occupant, usually the driver."- Carol Malia, BBC Anchorwoman read more..

"Most food cannot be kept longer than the average life span of a hamster - keep a hamster in your refrigerator to gauge this." read more..

"My father invented the burglar alarm - which unfortunately was stolen from him."- Victor Borge read more..

"My favorite party game is 'Pin the Cleanup on the Guests.'" read more..

"My girlfriend is at that stage when her biological clock is telling her it's time for her to be making me feel guilty and immature."- Kevin Hench read more..

"My home town was so small that the class valedictorian had both the highest & lowest averages." read more..

"My home town was so small that when it snows, salt is spread with a salad shooter." read more..

"My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying."~Ed Furgol read more..

"My memory's not as sharp as it used to be - also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be." read more..

"My mind works like lightning; one brilliant flash and it is gone." read more..

"My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right." read more..

"My parents want me to have the things they didn't have when they were kids - like, all As on every report card." read more..

"My wife and I had words, but I didn't get to use mine." read more..

"My wife and I have a system for settling arguments We just talk and talk until she's right." read more..

"My wife has a slight impediment in her speech - every now and then she stops to breathe."~ Jimmy Durante read more..

"My wild oats have turned into bran flakes." read more..

"Never do anything that you'd be ashamed to tell a paramedic." read more..

"Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time." read more..

"Never run out of altitude, air speed, & ideas at one time." read more..

"Never trust a stockbroker who's married to a travel agent." read more..

"No matter how busy people are, most are never too busy to stop and talk about how busy they are." read more..

"No matter how busy people are, they are never too busy to stop and talk about how busy they are." read more..

"Nobody will ever win the Battle of the Sexes - there's just too much fraternizing with the enemy." read more..