July 2011 - Monthly Archive - Results from #900

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1280

One-liner #0241

"My home town was so small that the class valedictorian had both the highest & lowest averages." read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1282

One-liner #0242

"My home town was so small that when it snows, salt is spread with a salad shooter." read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1309

One-liner #0243

"My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying."~Ed Furgol read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1314

One-liner #0244

"My memory's not as sharp as it used to be - also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be." read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1244

One-liner #0245

"My mind works like lightning; one brilliant flash and it is gone." read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1345

One-liner #0246

"My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right." read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1302

One-liner #0247

"My parents want me to have the things they didn't have when they were kids - like, all As on every report card." read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1372

One-liner #0248

"My wife and I had words, but I didn't get to use mine." read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1285

One-liner #0249

"My wife and I have a system for settling arguments We just talk and talk until she's right." read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1386

One-liner #0250

"My wife has a slight impediment in her speech - every now and then she stops to breathe."~ Jimmy Durante read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1354

One-liner #0251

"My wild oats have turned into bran flakes." read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1363

One-liner #0252

"Never do anything that you'd be ashamed to tell a paramedic." read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1313

One-liner #0253

"Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time." read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1306

One-liner #0254

"Never run out of altitude, air speed, & ideas at one time." read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1273

One-liner #0255

"Never trust a stockbroker who's married to a travel agent." read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1268

One-liner #0256

"No matter how busy people are, most are never too busy to stop and talk about how busy they are." read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1285

One-liner #0257

"No matter how busy people are, they are never too busy to stop and talk about how busy they are." read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1309

One-liner #0258

"Nobody will ever win the Battle of the Sexes - there's just too much fraternizing with the enemy." read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1257

One-liner #0259

"Nostalgia: A sentiment that combines yesterday's prices and today's incomes." read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1353

One-liner #0260

"Nutrition Facts are too depressing - how about some Nutrition Fiction?" read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1395

One-liner #0261

"Okay, I have a million awesome clip art images. Now what?" read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1366

One-liner #0262

"One good thing about being wrong is the joy it brings to others." read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1319

One-liner #0263

"One way to stop a run away horse is to bet on him." read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1337

One-liner #0264

"Only one shopping day left until tomorrow." read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1333

One-liner #0265

"Originality is merely undetected plagiarism." read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1395

"Our goal to promote a non-threatening and productive office environment is to establish language that is gender-neutral, ethnic-neutral, and age-neutral while celebrating our spirit of diversity." read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1270

One-liner #0267

"Outside of a dog, a book is probably man's best friend; inside of a dog, it's too dark to read."~ Groucho Marx read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1318

One-liner #0268

"People are forever calling me a hypochondriac, and, let me tell you, thatmakes me sick." - Sandra Wilson read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1251

One-liner #0269

"People are forever calling me a hypochondriac, and, let me tell you, that makes me sick." read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1355

One-liner #0270

"People have been cooking and eating for thousands of years, so if you are the very first person to have thought of adding fresh lime juice to scalloped potatoes, try to understand that there must be read more..