July 2011 - Monthly Archive - Results from #930

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1324

One-liner #0271

"People never grow up; they just learn how to act in public." read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1407

One-liner #0272

"Philosophers always arrive at the same conclusion: I don't know." read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1300

One-liner #0273

"Political-campaign speeches are like horns: a point here, a point there, and a lot of bull in between." read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1283

One-liner #0274

"Politicians and diapers have one thing in common - they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason." read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1244

One-liner #0275

"Politics is the gentle art of getting votes from the poor and campaign funds from the rich, by promising to protect each from the other."- Oscar Ameringer read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1276

One-liner #0276

"Pound for pound, the amoeba is the most vicious animal on earth." read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1379

"Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is w read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1263

One-liner #0278

"Rain is caused by big, high-pressure areas; cold fronts; warm, moist air; and the first day of your vacation." read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1369

One-liner #0279

"Rain is what makes flowers grow and taxis disappear." read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1370

One-liner #0280

"Rain is what makes flowers grow and taxis disappear." read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1358

One-liner #0281

"Real women don't have hot flashes, they have power surges." read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1360

One-liner #0282

"Red meat is not bad for you - it's green fuzzy meat that's bad for you" read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1325

One-liner #0283

"Responsibility: Something you should accept if, and only if, they have irrefutable photographic evidence." read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1389

One-liner #0284

"ROME: Catholic theologians now concentrating on Problem of Evil after finally solving a Problem like Maria." read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1225

One-liner #0285

"Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people once a year."- Victor Borge read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1303

One-liner #0286

"Santa must be a man because no woman is going to wear the same outfit year after year." read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1317

One-liner #0287

"Save the earth - it's the only planet with chocolate." read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1468

One-liner #0288

"Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark." read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1321

One-liner #0289

"Sign on the door of a marriage license bureau: 'Out to Lunch. Think it over.'" read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1313

One-liner #0290

"Since the creation of the Internet, the Earth's rotation has been fueled, primarily, by the collective spinning of English teachers in their graves." read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1321

One-liner #0291

"Some days you are the bug, some days you are the windshield." read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1257

One-liner #0292

"Some days you're the dog; some days you're the hydrant." read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1302

One-liner #0293

"Some people have a way with words - others not have way." read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1318

One-liner #0294

"Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That's how rich I want to be."- Rita Rudner read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1370

One-liner #0295

"Stay clear of those folks, Martha; if they get raptured, that car's gonna be all over the road." read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1429

One-liner #0296

"STRESSED is just DESSERTS spelled backward." read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1249

One-liner #0297

"Support the metric system every inch of the way!" read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1465

One-liner #0298

"Taxation WITH representation ain't much fun either." read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1338

One-liner #0299

"Technology is dominated by two types of people: Those who understand what they do not manage. Those who manage what they do not understand." read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1330

One-liner #0300

"Television has brought back murder into the home where it belongs."- Alfred Hitchcock. read more..