Monthly Archive

"Sign on the door of a marriage license bureau: 'Out to Lunch. Think it over.'" read more..

"Since the creation of the Internet, the Earth's rotation has been fueled, primarily, by the collective spinning of English teachers in their graves." read more..

"Some days you are the bug, some days you are the windshield." read more..

"Some days you're the dog; some days you're the hydrant." read more..

"Some people have a way with words - others not have way." read more..

"Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That's how rich I want to be."- Rita Rudner read more..

"Stay clear of those folks, Martha; if they get raptured, that car's gonna be all over the road." read more..

"STRESSED is just DESSERTS spelled backward." read more..

"Support the metric system every inch of the way!" read more..

"Taxation WITH representation ain't much fun either." read more..

"Technology is dominated by two types of people: Those who understand what they do not manage. Those who manage what they do not understand." read more..

"Television has brought back murder into the home where it belongs."- Alfred Hitchcock. read more..

"The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not - Was Mickey Mouse a cat or dog?" read more..

"The Bureau of Incomplete Statistics reports that one out of three." read more..

"The cardiologist's diet: If it tastes good ... spit it out." read more..

"The chance of forgetting something is directly proportional to ..... to ........ uh ...........…" read more..

"The difference between a computer expert and a novice is that the novice hesitates before doing anything stupid." read more..

"The first myth of management is that it exists." read more..

"The flight attendant will always tell you the name of your pilot - like anyone goes, 'Oh, he's good. I like his work.'"- David Spade read more..

"The human brain is a wonderful thing: it starts working the moment you are born, and never stops until you stand up to speak in public." read more..

"The income tax form has been simplified beyond all understanding." read more..

"The leading cause of death among fashion models is falling through street grates."~Dave Barry read more..

"The main problem with mental notes is the ink fades so fast." read more..

"The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once." read more..

"The most enjoyable way to follow a vegetable diet is to let the cow eat it, and then eat the cow." read more..

"The obituaries in the newspaper prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that people die in alphabetical order." read more..

"The older I get, the faster I was." read more..

"The only thing that wakes you up faster than coffee is spilled coffee." read more..

"The only time a windshield wiper will work properly is when it's holding a parking ticket." read more..

"The other day I nearly succumbed to a bout of narcissism: seriously, I just don't know what's come over me, me, me, me." read more..