July 2011 - Monthly Archive - Results from #960

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1336

One-liner #0301

"The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not - Was Mickey Mouse a cat or dog?" read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1311

One-liner #0302

"The Bureau of Incomplete Statistics reports that one out of three." read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1292

One-liner #0303

"The cardiologist's diet: If it tastes good ... spit it out." read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1279

One-liner #0304

"The chance of forgetting something is directly proportional to ..... to ........ uh ...........…" read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1468

One-liner #0305

"The difference between a computer expert and a novice is that the novice hesitates before doing anything stupid." read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1387

One-liner #0306

"The first myth of management is that it exists." read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1324

One-liner #0307

"The flight attendant will always tell you the name of your pilot - like anyone goes, 'Oh, he's good. I like his work.'"- David Spade read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1323

One-liner #0308

"The human brain is a wonderful thing: it starts working the moment you are born, and never stops until you stand up to speak in public." read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1273

One-liner #0309

"The income tax form has been simplified beyond all understanding." read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1253

One-liner #0310

"The leading cause of death among fashion models is falling through street grates."~Dave Barry read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1354

One-liner #0311

"The main problem with mental notes is the ink fades so fast." read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1392

One-liner #0312

"The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once." read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1315

One-liner #0313

"The most enjoyable way to follow a vegetable diet is to let the cow eat it, and then eat the cow." read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1326

One-liner #0314

"The obituaries in the newspaper prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that people die in alphabetical order." read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1475

One-liner #0315

"The older I get, the faster I was." read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1435

One-liner #0316

"The only thing that wakes you up faster than coffee is spilled coffee." read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1301

One-liner #0317

"The only time a windshield wiper will work properly is when it's holding a parking ticket." read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1365

One-liner #0318

"The other day I nearly succumbed to a bout of narcissism: seriously, I just don't know what's come over me, me, me, me." read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1374

One-liner #0319

"The police have stopped my husband so many times for speeding, they decided to just give him a season ticket." read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1414

One-liner #0320

"The reason congressmen try so hard to get re-elected is that they would hate to have to make a living under the laws they've passed." read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1329

One-liner #0321

"The sandwich dates back to the time man discovered he could not live bybread alone." read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1290

One-liner #0322

"The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible."- George Burns read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1360

One-liner #0323

"The short memories of the American voters is what keeps our politicians in office."~Will Rogers read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1378

One-liner #0324

"The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us."- Calvin and Hobbes - Bill Watterson read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1327

One-liner #0325

"The tooth fairy teaches children that they can sell body parts for money."- David Richerby read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1445

One-liner #0326

"The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was." read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1302

One-liner #0327

"The trouble with eating at an all-you-can-eat restaurant is that five or six days later you're hungry again." read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1312

One-liner #0328

"The U.N. is a place where governments opposed to free speech demand to be heard!" read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1356

One-liner #0329

"The word 'aerobics' came about when the gym instructors got together and said: If we're going to charge $10 an hour, we can't call it Jumping up and down." read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1286

One-liner #0330

"The world's full of apathy, but I don't care." read more..