Monthly Archive

With all the borscht they consume, I don't understand why Russians aren't the world's greatest rock stars. I mean, everyone knows that the heart of rock and roll is the beet.... read more..

On my 15th birthday, I opened a package from my mom and sister. Out came a beauty case containing samples of my very own makeup. "Oh, neat," my dad said excitedly, "a tackle box!" My mother and sist... read more..

I was driving to work this morning when my car stalled in the damp weather. I was sitting in the car at the side of the highway, contemplating my next move, when a pigeon flew down and landed right i... read more..

I've been working on my budget. Line one is my fixed expenses, line two is my fixed income and the difference is the fix I'm in.... read more..

Back in the 1960s, one animal rights group was outraged that open season had been declared on the great American buffalo to help thin the herd in and near some of our national parks. They began herdin... read more..

One night, as Al was watching TV, the doorbell rang. He went to the door and found a six-foot cockroach standing there. The bug grabbed him by the collar, threw him across the room, and then left. ... read more..

ave you heard about the five young bulls standing in the pasture discussing what they wanted to be when they grew up.The first said he wanted to go to Rome and become a papal bull.The second said he w... read more..

Q: What do you call a butler with no teeth?A: An in-dentured servant.... read more..

A cabbie is a fare-minded person.... read more..

There's this cathedral that's still being worked on, and the workers have rigged a "cage elevator" inside so they can get material up and down to the upper floors. A characteristic of these "cage elev... read more..

After 50 years preaching from the same pulpit, a much loved pastor decided to retire. Because the church building was classically elegant, the manse spacious and comfortable and the congregation large... read more..

If people who shun all meat are vegetarians, are cannibals then considered to be humanitarians?... read more..

Did you hear about the minister who visited different car lots every day in fulfillment to the Great Commission? He was looking for convertibles!... read more..

A man went into his psychiatrist's office and said: "Doc, you've got to help me. Every night I keep dreaming that I'm a sports car. The other night I dreamed I was a Ferrari. "Another night I dreame... read more..

A used car is not always what it's jacked up to be.... read more..

A young minister was filling in for Norman Vincent Peal at Marblegate Cathedral. Ascending the pulpit he looked at the magnificent colored glass windows and told the congregation: "You know, these bea... read more..

Clifford Clarke was a careless chap. Every hostess hated him. They feared for their precious porcelain and good furniture whenever this emulator of a china shop bull appeared. His reputation spread a... read more..

The cartoon characters were playing draw poker between the takes of the epic movie, "Who Framed Roger Rabbit."Roger was the big winner but Mickey Mouse and Huckleberry Hound were doing well. Goofy, Ca... read more..

My wife asked me if I put the cat out.I said I didn't know it was on fire.... read more..

!!!Warning!!! These are amongst the worst puns I have ever sent out on the CleanPun list. Admittedly though, they are in a style that some love so if the first couple don't do it for you - just stop read more..

A doctor, a lawyer, a little boy and a priest were out for a Sunday afternoon flight on a small private plane. Suddenly, the plane developed engine trouble. In spite of the best efforts of the pilot, ... read more..

A man goes to the doctor and says, "Doc, you gotta check my leg. Something's wrong. Just put your ear up to my thigh, you'll hear it!" The doctor cautiously placed his ear to the man's thigh only to... read more..

If Cher were to get cloned, would she be Cher and Cher alike?... read more..

"May I take your order?" the waiter asked. "Yes, how do you prepare your chickens?" "Nothing special, sir," he replied. "We just tell them straight out that they're going to die." read more..

Q. Why does a chicken coop have two doors? A. Because if it had four, it would be a chicken sedan.... read more..

A couple goes for a meal at a Chinese restaurant and orders the "Chicken Surprise." The waiter brings the meal, served in a lidded cast-iron pot.Just as the wife is about to serve herself, the lid of ... read more..

During the Revolutionary War, there was a small encampment of patriot soldiers the woods. Before they went to bed that night, they tied chickens (they were saving them for a special meal when needed) ... read more..

A very strange thing happened here in suburbia a few days ago. This past weekend, I noticed a neighbor of mine repairing his sidewalk. He had removed a number of broken sections (thanks to numerous tr... read more..

cleanpun test... read more..

The Mayo Clinic, getting on board with today's diet and health conscious society, just changed its name.It's now the Balsamic Vinaigrette Clinic.... read more..