2011 - Monthly Archive - Results from #1320

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

1570

Cooking Shows

"On cooking shows, there is little margerine of error." read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2018

I walked into a coffee shop on Halloween to find the woman behind the counter with a bunch of sponges pinned to her uniform."I'm assuming this is a costume, but just what are you supposed to be?" I as... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

1641

Costume Pun

This guy goes to a Halloween party with a girl on his back."What on earth are you?" asks the host. "I'm a snail," says the guy. "But... you have a girl on your back," replies the host. "Yeah, he says... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

1841

Cow Pun

What do you get from a pampered cow?Spoiled milk.... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

1770

Criminal Attorney

Walking into the local chamber of commerce, the stranger obviously looked desperate. He approached the guy at the counter and asked, "Is there a criminal attorney in town?"The guy behind the counter r... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2425

Damsel Dress

Once upon a time an evil king captured a beautiful princess and held her hostage in his high tower. Though she was very beautiful he forced her to wear a disgusting and smelly burlap dress."You'll nev... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

1873

Date Pun

Every calendar's days are numbered.... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

1833

Dating

Two elderly gentlemen were visiting. "I guess you're never too old," the first one boasted. "Why just yesterday a pretty college girl said she'd be interested in dating me but to be perfectly honest, ... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

1899

Daylight Driving

Ever wonder why some people won't drive during daylight hours in a certain part of California?It's 'cause their doctors told them to stay out of the sun to avoid car Sonoma.... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2174

Defence Contractor

My job is in the aerospace industry, and it's always been a challenge to explain what kind of work I do.At one gathering, I tried several unsuccessful attempted explanations before deciding to be as ... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2074

Definitions of a Bachelor

* One who avoids Bride-Eyed women.* One who believes in Life, Liberty and the Happiness of Pursuit.* One who can go fishing anytime, until he gets hooked.* One who can't be Spouse-Broken.* One who kno read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

5389

Delivery Pun

My husband and I were returning home from our childbirth class at Manhattan's Beekman Hospital. Noting my obvious pregnancy, the taxi driver, a Mr. Ho, proceeded to tell us about his wife's experienc... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

3743

Demolition Derby Pun

The best way to watch a demolition derby?Through a kaleidoscope.... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

1837

Dentist Pun

The judge asked his dentist:"Will you drill the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth?"... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

4380

Dentures

I went to the dentist with my uncle the other day. He needed needed new dentures. The dentist showed him some that only cost a dollar. The dentist did want my uncle to understand, though, that they ... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

1997

Depunable

If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, and dry cleaners depressed?Laundry workers ... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

13356

Detective Pun

A detective who spent his entire career in plain clothes quit the police force and bought a farm."What kind of crops do you plan to grow?" the police chief asked the farmer-to-be."Carrots and potatoes... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2237

Diagnosis Pun 1

A psychiatrist is doing rounds in his hospital with a couple of students.They look in on one patient and the psychiatrist says to his students, "Sometimes this fellow thinks he's a temptress in a Bize... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2535

Diagnosis Pun 2

A man walks into the psychiatrist's office and says, "Doc, you gotta help me, I keep having this recurring feeling that I'm going to shrink! What can I do?"The doctor replied, "Now, calm down, you ju... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2452

Diet

There's a new pasta diet -Just walk pasta bakery without stopping, walk pasta candy store without stopping, walk pasta ice cream store without stopping.... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2073

Dieting Pun

"Dieters: people that are thick and tired of it." read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

1659

Doctor Behavior

A new nurse at a hospital was perplexed by Dr.Mike Wilson’s behavior. Off and on throughout her shift Dr. Wilson would run up and down the hallway, yelling, "Tetanus, measles, flu..............”" Very... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

1855

Doctor Pun 1

When a panel of doctors were asked to vote on adding a new wing to their hospital, the allergists voted to scratch it and the dermatologists preferred no rash moves. The gastro-enterologists had a gu... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

1827

Doctor Pun 2

There was this city doctor who started a practice in the countryside. He once had to go to a farm to attend to a sick farmer who lived there. After a few house calls he stopped coming to the farm.Th... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

1847

Doctor's Orders

"You're going out to play golf again?" Dewey’s wife complained. "I'm only doing under doctors orders." "Do I look stupid to you?!" "But it’s true," he said, while walking out the door. "Dr. Wilson tol read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2451

Dog Dance Lessons

This guy decides he wants his dog to be able to dance, so he enrolls the pet in dance classes. Dutifully, he takes this dog to class every week, but he sees no improvement. Finally, he takes the instr... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2437

Dog Names

"The Dalmatian's called Jerry, but the Afghanistan."- Jeff Foxworthy read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

1981

Dog Pride

My eccentric neighbor proudly showed me what appeared to be a dog. "It's unique," he explained, "part dog and part bull and it cost me a thousand.""Which part is bull?" I asked.He replied, "The part a... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

1916

Dog Pun

"If your mutt is always growling angrily, it must be because he's a cross breed." read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2537

Don't Waste Words

Larry was tall and laconic so, of course, he hated to waste words."Why use two? One will do," he was frequently heard to ask. People giving him simple conversation were likely to hear, "Too much, to... read more..