2011 - Monthly Archive - Results from #1350

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2009

Door Translation

A romantic young Outremont man is wooing a prissy young Westmount (English speaking) woman who knows French."Jt t'adore," whispers the amorous Quebecois (French Canadian)."Shut it yourself, " replies ... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

1937

Double Pun

A pastor's church was getting too large for him to cover all of the duties so he had a clone made of himself. All was going well, he could be in two hospitals at once praying for the sick, attend two... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2294

Dr. Pun

A new nurse listened while Dr. Bryce was yelling, "Typhoid! Tetanus! Measles!"The new nurse asked another nurse, "Why is he doing that?"The other nurse replied, "Oh, he just likes to call the shots a... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

1864

Dream

A man went into his shrink's office and says, "Doc, you have got to help me! Every night I keep dreaming that I'm a sports car. The other night I dreamed I was a Trans Am. Another night I dreamed I wa... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

1948

Dream Pun

People don't really dream in color.If they think they do, it just a pigment of their imagination.... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

3696

Dress Try

Customer: I'd like to try on that dress in the window. Saleslady: I'm sorry, madam, you'll have to use the fitting room like everyone else.... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

1951

Drink Pun 1

"The young army doctor was stationed at a remote dispensary in the South Pacific.One day he was puzzled about treatment for one of his patients.He radioed a base hospital:'Have case of beriberi. What read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2112

Drink Pun 2

"Good afternoon, my good barkeep, a pint of Less if you please," said the old man as he entered the tavern."Less? Never heard of it," replied the barman."Oh, come now surely you have," he persisted." read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

1847

Drink Trials

At a reception, a lawyer said to a judge, "I see that you are drinking coffee. Why don't you try something more stimulating? Have you ever tried bourbon?” "No,” replied the judge, "but I have tried se... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

1990

Drinks

Physiology: The study of carbonated drinks.... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

1638

Driving Pun 1

My family has a tradition of naming the cruise control on our cars. We were used to hearing my father proclaim, "Take it, Max," as he flipped on the cruise control during long trips in our station wa... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2731

Driving Pun 2

People say I drive like lightning, not because I drive fast but because I hit trees.... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2575

Driving Pun 3

Driving to work, a gentleman had to swerve to avoid a box that fell out of a truck in front of him.Seconds later, two policemen came by. While one pulled the gentleman over, the second carefully stop... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2491

Drug Pun

Have you heard about the pharmaceutical company that developed a new drug which, when administered to women, compels them to go join a convent?The FDA refused to license it. Seems it was habit formin... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

1952

E-mail Warning

If you receive an email from the Department of Health telling you not to eat canned pork because of swine flu ignore it. It's just Spam.... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

4565

Edison Pun

Most people don't know that Thomas Alva Edison was among the first to show concern for western Indians. He came out to California, and finding living conditions among natives deplorable, he vowed to ... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2295

Egg Pun

A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2360

Egotists

When two egotists meet, it's "an I for an I."... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2318

Eight Ball

"I wonder why I always feel that I'm stuck right behind the eight ball?" Tom said racking his brain. ~Simon Champion read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2146

Einstein Burger

"Have you been to that new 'Einstein Burger' yet?""Why yes I have.""How was it?""Relatively good." read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

1925

Electrician's Truck

Seen on an Electrician's truck:"Let us remove your shorts."... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2116

Electronic Shows

Shows that may be appearing on TV soon, as a result of the electronic and computer age:Modem, She Wrote: Each week, our intrepid detective tries to solve the ultimate mystery: why her modem won't ever... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

1903

Elephant Pun 1

How do you get down off of an elephant?You don't, you get down off of a duck.... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

7816

Elephant Pun 2

An elephant is drinking out of a river when he spots a turtle asleep on a log. The elephant ambles over and kicks the unsuspecting turtle clear across the river."Why did you do that?" asks a passing ... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

5868

Elephant Stew Pun

Elephant Stew Recipe2 Rabbits (Optional)1 Elephant, Medium SizeSalt & Pepper to tasteBrown GravyCut elephant into small bite-sized pieces. This should take about two months. Add enough brown gravy to ... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

4691

Embalming Fluid

Undertakers Mal and Mel were storing embalming fluid.It was considered appropriate to place it in an area out of sight. Mel had his share stored promptly but there was still a good portion left for Ma... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2786

Entomologist Tenure

It had been a horrible week for Henry.An entomologist (insect scientist) at the local university, he was up for a promotion this year. With the promotion would come tenure. But there was a problem. It... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2700

Equestrian Pun

At the Olympics in Barcelona, some of the locals were entered in equestrian events. Other contestants were surprised to note that the Spanish riders guided their horses with so much slack in the rein... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

5582

Escalator

My wife recently came home from shopping with an escalator.She'll buy anything marked down!... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

1943

Eskimo Dinner 2

What did the eskimos sing when they got there Christmas dinner?"Whalemeat again, don't know where, don't know when!"... read more..