2011 - Monthly Archive - Results from #1440

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

1775

Got Everything?

"Two paramedics were dispatched to check on a 92-year-old man who had become disoriented. They decided to take him to the hospital for evaluation.En route, with the siren blaring, they questioned the read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2346

Grade Pun

A high-school student came home one night rather depressed."What's the matter, son," asked his mother."Aw, Mom," said the boy, "It's my grades. They're all wet.""What do you mean 'all wet?'""You know... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

1780

Grapes

A hangover is the wrath of grapes.... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

1804

Gravity

Gravity always gets me down.... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

4904

Grenade

A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France resulted in "Linoleum Blownapart."... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2090

Grizzly Pun mx20

One day in the forest, three animals were discussing who among them was the most powerful."I am," said the hawk, "because I can fly and swoop down swiftly at my prey.""That's nothing," said the mounta... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2084

Grocery Pun

Grocery clerks make you pick paper or plastic because baggers can't be choosers.... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

1962

Gross Ignoramus

A gross ignoramus: 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus.... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2785

Guide Names

My husband was telling colleagues about his involvement with our local YMCA Indian Guides and Indian Princesses programs. His Indian name was Walking Deer, he told them. Our daughter was Little Fawn, ... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

3858

Gum

"I had a stick of CareFree gum, but it didn't work. I felt pretty good for a while, but as soon as the gum lost its flavor, I was back to pondering my mortality."- Mitch Hedberg read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2221

Hair Pun

When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair she thought she'd dye.... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2581

Hamlet

"Said Hamlet to Ophelia,'I'll draw a sketch of thee,What kind of pencil shall I use?2B or not 2B?'"'Hamlet' by Spike Milligan read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

5742

Happy as a Clam

Then there is researcher Peter Fong, who has given new meaning to the expression "happy as a clam." The Gettysburg College biologist stumbled onto the fact that molluscs reproduce at 10 times their no... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

1980

Happy Cows

Farmer Jones's cows had recently stopped giving good milk. So, he went around asking for advice, and someone told him that happy cows give good milk. Every morning he would go out and tell some jokes ... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

19631

Hay Pun

Needless to say, one of the most successful inventors of all time was the man who invented the hay-bailing machine. He made a bundle.... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2627

He/She Became

He became a realtor because he had lots on his mind.She became a pharmacist because she was a real pill.He became an expolorer because he wanted to find himself.She became a baker because she loved lo... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

9469

Headache Pun

If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: Take two and keep away from children.... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

5975

Hellman's Mayo

Most people don't know that back in 1912, Hellmann's mayonnaise was manufactured in England. In fact, the Titanic was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery on May 5th in Vera Cr... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

1983

Hereafter

"These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter...I go somewhere to get something and then wonder what I'm here after." read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

4289

Heredity

"The child had his mother's eyes, his mother's nose and his mother's mouth. Which left his mother with a pretty blank expression."- Robert Benchley read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2027

High School Math

A student at our high school a few years back, having had his fill with drawing graph after graph in senior high math class, told his teacher, "I'll do algebra, I'll do trig, and I'll even do statisti... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

1841

HMO Plans

"The majority of HMO plans I've seen can be likened to hospital gowns-- you only think you're covered." read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

1750

Hobby Books

BAND PLAYING by Clara NettJAZZ MUSIC by Tenna SaxeCUDDLY TOYS by Ted E. BehrTHE STARS TELL IT ALL by Horace CopeSCULPTING THE GODS OF GREECE AND ROME by Jove... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2776

Holiday Pun

This guy goes into a restaurant for a Christmas breakfast while in his home town for the holidays. After looking over the menu he says, "I'll just have the eggs Benedict." His order comes a while late... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2050

Home Pun

A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

8700

Horrible Cat Puns

These cat puns are both horrible and painful! You were warned.What do you call a cat that has just eaten a whole duck? - A duck filled fatty puss!What did the cat do when he swallowed some cheese? - ... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2113

Horse Pun

You can lead a horse to water, but, a pencil must be lead.... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

1813

Horse Sale

A city slicker was driving through the country when he spotted a horse standing in a field. He was quite taken with the animal and so pulled over to ask the farmer if it was for sale."Afraid not," sai... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

1854

Hospital Introduction

"While working as a Navy nurse in a military hospital's emergency room, I was required to introduce myself by my rank and full name. I usually refer to myself as Ensign Mike Payne, but one busy day I read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

4670

Hospital Pun

Q: Who are the most decent people in the hospital?A: The ultrasound people.... read more..