2011 - Monthly Archive - Results from #1470

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2478

Housework 1

"My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance." read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2213

I was tidying up the house but finding the task difficult because of a pulled muscle in my lower back. As I was collecting the trash, something fell to the floor. Taking a deep breath and trying to ig... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2473

Humpty Pun

Humpty Dumpty had a great fall but winter doesn't look too promising.... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2031

Hungry Clock

"When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds." read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

4924

Hunting Pun

At the police station, Bubba explained to the police officer why his cousins shot him."Well," Bubba began, "We wuz havin' a good time drinking, when my cousin Ray picked up his shotgun and said, 'Hey,... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2234

Hymns for Professionals

DENTIST: Crown Him with many crownsCONTRACTORS: The church's one foundationOBSTETRICIANS: Come, labour onGOLFERS: There is a green hill far awayPOLITICIANS: Standing on the promisesLIBRARIANS: Let all... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2031

Hypochondriacs

"People are forever calling me a hypochondriac, and, let me tell you, that makes me sick." read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

1806

I am Pun

"I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence? read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

1951

Ice Cream

Two robins were sitting in a tree. "I'm really hungry," said the first one. "Let's fly down and find some lunch." They flew down to the ground and found a nice plot of newly plowed ground that was ful... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

3961

Illness Pun

A fella walked into a doctor's office and the receptionist asked him what he had.He said, "Shingles."So she took down his name, address, medical insurance number and told him to have a seat. Fifteen ... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2011

Indoors

If a rabbit is raised indoors, would it be an ingrown hare?... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

9102

Inflatable Pun

An inflatable student goes to his inflatable school and is having a really bad day. Bored in history lesson, he gets up and walks out. Walking down the corridor, he sees the inflatable headmaster wa... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2281

Inheritance

The geek shall inherit the earth.... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

5942

Injury Pun

A man is struck in the head by a rock during a heated demonstration. A woman rushes over, kneels down and places his head in her lap."Are you comfortable?" she asks."Oh, I do okay." he replied. "Som... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

3051

Insurance Claim

The chef at a family-run restaurant had broken her leg and came into our insurance office to file a disability claim.As I scanned the claim form, I did a double take.Under "Reason unable to work," she... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

1897

Intolerance

A scientist found, to his great surprise, that he was lactose intolerant (unable to digest milk sugar). At dinner that night with his two young daughters (age 9 and 4 years), he mentioned that he had ... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2820

Investing Advice

Jim was having reasonable success playing the stock market when George expressed a desire to give it a try. Jim advised him on what stocks to buy, what to stay clear of, etc. In his list of "pointer... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2028

IRS

As income tax time approaches, did you ever notice:When you put the two words "The" and "IRS" together it spells "THEIRS"... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2242

Jester

"An unemployed jester is nobody's fool." read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

7744

Jester Pun

An unemployed jester is nobody's fool.... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2225

Job Application

My 17-year-old niece asked me if she could use my name as a reference on her resume', which she planned to submit to a local fast-food restaurant. I agreed. A few days later she called and asked me ... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2226

John Wayne Museum

A show business museum in Hollywood is presenting an exhibit on the career of the late and great actor John Wayne.One of the featured items is a pair of yellowy-brownish colored gravestones bearing hi... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2290

Joke Pun

Q. What does a reindeer say before telling you a (bad) joke?A. "This will sleigh you."... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

6085

Jonah Pun

A Preacher was doing his "Children's Church" sermon where all the youngsters come down front and hear a story. The pastor was discussing the story of Jonah. He quoted the scriptures from Jonah, "...... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

4401

Kernel Pun

If you have a use for another clean joke, here's an original. (Darren Marlar distributed it through his Unnamed Daily radio prep site last year).A youth pastor thoroughly enjoyed movie night with his... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

9285

Kilts

An American in Scotland asked one of the locals, "Why do you call it a kilt?"The Scotsman replied, "Because we kilt the last bloke who called it a dress."... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

13658

King Arthur's Unknown Knights

It is a little-known fact that King Arthur had more knights than is usually believed. They included:~ Sir Face - the devastatingly handsome, but disappointingly shallow knight~ Sir Pass - Arthur's bes... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

1932

King Ozymndias

King Ozymndias of Assyria was running low on cash after years of war with the Hittites. His last great possession was the Star of the Euphrates, the most valuable diamond in the ancient world. Despera... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2838

Knowledge Pills

A somewhat advanced society has figured how to package basic knowledge in pill form. A student, needing some learning, goes to the pharmacy and asks what kind of knowledge pills are available. The pha... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

7643

Koala Pun

A man had been feeling unwell for about 3 weeks and went to see his doctor.The doctor told him, "I don't know what you've got but it could be serious so I'm sending you to the Rare Disease Specialist.... read more..