2011 - Monthly Archive - Results from #1530

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

1867

Madness

Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

1861

Magazines

"I only get Newsweek and People," said Tom timelessly. read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

5211

A tour bus load full of noisy tourists arrives at Runnymede, England.They gather around the guide who says, "This is the spot where the barons forced King John to sign the Magna Carta."A man pushing h... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

1844

Make-Up

Applying mascara in a car can cause whipped lashes.... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

1979

Mall Musician

A down and out musician was playing his harmonica in the middle of a busy shopping mall. Striding over, a policeman asked, “May I please see your permit?” I don’t have one,” confessed the musician. “I... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2774

Manger Pun

Along with the three wise men, the shepherds, and the others who showed up at the manger, there was also a fellow on a white charger, wearing a suit of armor. But he didn't have as good a publicity ag... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2029

Many Foots

Once upon a time there were three little bunny rabbits, Foot, Foot-Foot, and Foot-Foot-Foot, and they were outside playing. All of a sudden, Foot grabs his head and says, "I'm really sick. I think I'm... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

5889

Marathon Pun

Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeat.... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2969

Mari's Voice

My friend Mari has a screechy voice that makes people queasy to hear it. The other day she came over for dinner. I served squid. After dinner she went out on the terrace and, observing a gorgeous suns... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2089

Marriage Benefit

With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

3152

Marriage Match

Did you hear about the manicurist and dentist who got married?They fought tooth and nail.... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

1975

Marriage Pun 1

Suppose a snake and an undertaker were wed.Would their towels read "Hiss" and "Hearse"?... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2240

Marriage Pun 2

Their marriage was going O.K. until they bought a water bed, then they started drifting apart.... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

3619

Marx Pun

Is Marx's tomb a communist plot?... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

1947

Mary Poppins Room Service

Mary Poppins was traveling home, but due to worsening weather, she decided to stop at a hotel. She approached the receptionist and asked for a room for the night."Certainly, madam," he replied courte... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

5527

Mask Pun 1

My son-in-law Matt has a great-looking Darth Vader mask. One year at Halloween, a friend asked if he could borrow it. Matt agreed, and on Halloween night, his friend came by to pick it up. Matt wa... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

1865

Mass Pun 2

"Mass is where Catholics go on Sunday, and weight is where sundaes go on a Catholic." read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2152

Masseur Pun

Paul was a passionate masseur. For years he pounded, stretched, pulled and relaxed the most burdened, stressed, bent-out-of-shape bodies. Then late one day, rather unexpectedly, he was fired. Appare... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

1940

Math Pun 2

You may remember a rock band from the 80's that was called Linear.They were originally going to call themselves The Quadratics, but they didn't want people thinking they were squares.... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

1948

Math Pun 3

At New York's Kennedy airport today, an individual later discovered to be a public school teacher was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a setsquare, a sli... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2187

Math Pun 4

Mrs. Johnson the elementary school math teacher was having children do problems on the blackboard that day. "Who would like to do the first problem, addition?" No one raised their hand. She called ... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2623

Maytag

Maytag is my middle name; I'm an agitator.... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2180

Meanderthals

MEANDERTHALS /me-AN-dur-thols/noun: aimless, slow-walking pedestrians who mindlessly get in everyone else's way on sidewalks, stores, in malls, and crosswalks, often while preoccupied with a cell phon... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

1904

Measurements

“People who want by the yard, but try by the inch, should be kicked by the foot!”... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2176

Meat Bet

I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him $50 that he couldn't reach the meat on the top shelf.He said, "No, the steaks are too high."... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

4117

Mechanic

The helicopter lost power while flying over a remote Scottish island and was forced to make an emergency landing. Luckily, the pilot saw a small cottage nearby. He walked to it and knocked on the door... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

3037

Medical Definitions

ANTIBODY - against everyoneBENIGN - what you be after you be eightBOWEL - letters like a,e,i,o,uCAESARIAN SECTION - a district in RomeCAT SCAN - searching for lost kittyCHRONIC - neck of a crowCOMA - ... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

5022

Meditation Pun

"Meditation is not what you think." read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

12493

Memory Pun

He had a photographic memory that was never developed.... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2619

Menu Question

My boyfriend and I were lunching at a sidewalk cafe in Huntington Beach, CA.Our waitress looked like a real surfer girl: athletic with a great tan and blond hair. Mulling over the menu, my guy asked h... read more..