Monthly Archive

Mary Poppins was traveling home, but due to worsening weather, she decided to stop at a hotel. She approached the receptionist and asked for a room for the night."Certainly, madam," he replied courte... read more..

My son-in-law Matt has a great-looking Darth Vader mask. One year at Halloween, a friend asked if he could borrow it. Matt agreed, and on Halloween night, his friend came by to pick it up. Matt wa... read more..

"Mass is where Catholics go on Sunday, and weight is where sundaes go on a Catholic." read more..

Paul was a passionate masseur. For years he pounded, stretched, pulled and relaxed the most burdened, stressed, bent-out-of-shape bodies. Then late one day, rather unexpectedly, he was fired. Appare... read more..

You may remember a rock band from the 80's that was called Linear.They were originally going to call themselves The Quadratics, but they didn't want people thinking they were squares.... read more..

At New York's Kennedy airport today, an individual later discovered to be a public school teacher was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a setsquare, a sli... read more..

Mrs. Johnson the elementary school math teacher was having children do problems on the blackboard that day. "Who would like to do the first problem, addition?" No one raised their hand. She called ... read more..

Maytag is my middle name; I'm an agitator.... read more..

MEANDERTHALS /me-AN-dur-thols/noun: aimless, slow-walking pedestrians who mindlessly get in everyone else's way on sidewalks, stores, in malls, and crosswalks, often while preoccupied with a cell phon... read more..

“People who want by the yard, but try by the inch, should be kicked by the foot!”... read more..

I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him $50 that he couldn't reach the meat on the top shelf.He said, "No, the steaks are too high."... read more..

The helicopter lost power while flying over a remote Scottish island and was forced to make an emergency landing. Luckily, the pilot saw a small cottage nearby. He walked to it and knocked on the door... read more..

ANTIBODY - against everyoneBENIGN - what you be after you be eightBOWEL - letters like a,e,i,o,uCAESARIAN SECTION - a district in RomeCAT SCAN - searching for lost kittyCHRONIC - neck of a crowCOMA - ... read more..

"Meditation is not what you think." read more..

He had a photographic memory that was never developed.... read more..

My boyfriend and I were lunching at a sidewalk cafe in Huntington Beach, CA.Our waitress looked like a real surfer girl: athletic with a great tan and blond hair. Mulling over the menu, my guy asked h... read more..

Merger ManiaA number of years ago there was a proposed merger between Fairchild Electronics and Honeywell Computers. Rumor had it that the new company would be called Fairwell Honeychild.There is a me... read more..

Once Horace Gold [my editor] went too far. He rejected a story of mine which he called "meretricious." The word is from the Latin meretrix, meaning "prostitute," so that the implication was that I wa... read more..

Although he was a qualified meteorologist, Hopkins ran up a terrible record of forecasting the weather for the TV news program.He became something of a local joke when a newspaper began keeping a reco... read more..

The minister once blessed his cows,It seems that this was wise,For when he milked them in the mornThe milk was pastorized.... read more..

A mechanic who worked out of his home had a dog named Mace. Mace had a bad habit of eating all the grass in the mechanic's lawn. So the mechanic had to keep Mace inside. The grass eventually became ... read more..

Missionaries do Emmanuel labor.... read more..

Last night, I was frustrated by a mole who was digging up the hill toward the house, leaving a trail of mounds. So I went outside to take the hose and try to wash the mole out of its tunnel. As I le... read more..

When it comes to money, lots of people are satisfied to let the rest of the world go buy.... read more..

A lot of money is tainted. It taint yours and it taint mine.... read more..

In the early 1700s, the captain of a Spanish pirate ship was very proud of his mongrel pet for its ability to bark once for "Si," and twice for "No."After being captured by a British commander, the do... read more..

Q: Why don't the monkeys in the jungle play poker any more?A: There are just too many Cheetahs.... read more..

A Scotsman was visiting a friend in the North Woods of Canada. Both liked to hunt. They were hunting for deer, when all of a sudden, a moose popped up in front of them. It was so unexpected, neithe... read more..

More Baby name ideas, based on your occupation.....PROFESSION: NAMESteam shovel operator's son: DougHair stylist's son: BobHomeopathic doctor's son: He... read more..

More Baby name ideas, based on your occupation.....PROFESSION: NAMEUndertaker's son: BarryBeautician's son: CurlyGardener's daughter: ... read more..