2011 - Monthly Archive - Results from #1590

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

1937

Naming Pun

A pregnant woman from San Francisco got in a car accident and fell into a deep coma. Asleep for nearly 6 months, when she wakes up she sees that she is no longer pregnant and frantically asks the doct... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

6842

Nap Pun

My children have never been thrilled about taking naps, but one day they were putting up more of a fuss than usual.In the middle of the tantrums, a friend called."What's all the commotion?" she asked.... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2328

Naval Pun

As a first-time patient at a naval dental clinic, I was looking around for restrooms. I couldn't help but smile when I saw the sign pointing me in the right direction. It read, "Patients' heads loca... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

5704

Needle Pun

Acupuncture is a jab well done.... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

1874

Nervous Taxpayer

A nervous taxpayer was unhappily conversing with the IRS Tax auditor who had come to review his records. At one point the auditor exclaimed, "Mr. Carr, we feel it is a great privilege to be allowed to... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

1992

New Girlfriend

"So, how are you getting along with your gorgeous new girlfriend?" "Not so good. I asked her whether she could learn to love me." "Yeah -- and?" "She asked how much I was willing to spend on her educa read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2242

New Minister

A church was looking for a new minister, and the selection committee finally recommended a young man just out of the seminary. Many older church members protested that a more experienced man would hav... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

1753

New Sanctuary

A local church built a new sanctuary. They moved their very fine old pipe organ from to the new sanctuary.It was an intricate task that was completed successfully. The local news heralded, "St. Paul C... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2240

New Wing

Recently, when a Panel of Doctors at our local hospital was asked to vote on adding a new wing, this is what happened....The allergists voted to scratch it..The dermatologists preferred no rash moves.... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

3820

Newlywed Bread

Young husband: "Why can't you make bread like my mother does?"Young bride: "Why can't you make dough like my father does?"... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

3131

Nitrates

Did you hear about the goober who thought nitrates were cheaper than day rates?... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

3074

No Eve

"No, Eve, I won't touch that apple," said Tom adamantly.- Richard Lederer read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2145

Noah's Snakes

Noah opens up the ark and let all the animals out, telling them to "Go forth and multiply!"He's closing the great doors of the ark when he notices that there are two snakes sitting in a dark corner.So... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

4811

Notary Public

Fellow employees at the international company where I work know I'm a notary public and have me certify personal documents.One day, two Swedish men asked me to witness signatures on an automobile titl... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2325

Note Reading

Jack: "Hey, Bill! Check out this cute note Aunt Pat put in my present! "Bill: (Glancing at note) "I can't read this; I'm presbyopic. "Jack: "Come to my church! They let us read anything!"... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

1840

Number Pun

There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win.Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2142

Nun

A sister from a local convent became a Certified Public accountant to help small shop owners manage their finances better. Her title: "Nun of Your Business."... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

4522

Nun Dye

Donations to the order were down and the convent did not have the funds to continue in their usual manner. Rather than shutting down, Mother Superior ordered an austerity program requiring recycling o... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2462

Nun Pun 1

What do you call a sleep-walking nun? A Roamin' Catholic... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2405

Nun Pun 2

Several Nuns were in there second floor convent one night when a fire broke out. The Nuns took their habits and tied them together to make a rope to get out of the building via the window. After th... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2599

Nun Pun 3

The convent had been presented with a new car, a red Mini Metro, the pride of its breed. Sister Lucy, the only qualified driver, became the chauffeur for all and sundry. Every Saturday she would drive... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

1908

Nun Shopping

The convent had been presented with a new car, a red Mini Metro, the pride of its breed. Sister Lourdes, the only qualified driver, became the chauffer for all and sundry. Every Saturday she would d... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

19164

Nut Pun

A doctor made it his regular habit to stop at a bar for a hazelnut daiquiri on his way home. The bartender knew of his habit, and would always have the drink waiting at precisely 5:03 p.m. One after... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2074

Nut Sign

Sign in a nut shop: "No credit cards here. Strictly cashew and carry."... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2495

Offering Pun

There are more churches in Las Vegas than Casinos. During Sunday services at the Offertory, some worshipers contribute Casino Chips as opposed to cash. Some are sharing their winnings - some are hopi... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2044

Old Lawyers

Old lawyers never die. They just lose their appeal.... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

8648

Old West Pun

A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He sidles up to the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

7098

Olympic Pun

At the Olympics a man went up to a competitor who was carrying a very long pole."Are you a pole vaulter?""No, I'm German, but how did you know my name is Walter?"... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2322

On-board Computer

A friend of mine bought a new car that sported an on-board computer. One Sunday morning when he got into the car to drive to church, the digital display lit up. Glancing at the readout, he chuckled at... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2218

One and Two Yards

The difference between one yard and two yards is usually a fence.... read more..