2011 - Monthly Archive - Results from #1620

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2443

Onion Mishap

Don't panic but I'm in hospital. I have poisoned myself. I ate what I thought was an onion it, turned out it was a daffodil bulb.Doctor says I'll be out in the spring!... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2088

Optometrist's Sign

See on a sign at an Optometrist's Office:"If you don't see what your looking for you've come to the right place."... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2081

One day an ape escaped from the Bronx Zoo. They searched for him everywhere, in every borough. They announced his disappearance on the radio and television as well as the newspapers. But, no one re... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

3065

Oval Office

One day, the president of the United States was sitting in the Oval Office reading a newspaper to catch on that day's current events. All of a sudden, one of his secret service men burst through the d... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2400

Owl Lesson

A first grade class teacher, for the "Natural World" section of her class, had a lesson about owls.She explained to the class about how they are nocturnal, how they can swivel their heads so far in ei... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2061

Oy!

Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi?He walks around saying, "Yo."... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

3085

Paint Tin Pun

Man works in a hardware store, and all of a sudden one day, a whole lot of tins of paint fall on him.Of course, he's whisked off to hospital where they manage to clean him up physically, but mentally ... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

3006

Painting Pun

A guy in Paris nearly got away with stealing several paintings from the Louvre. However, after planning the crime, getting in and out past security, he was captured only 2 blocks away when his Ford E... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

5353

Paramedic Pun

Do you think Roman paramedics call IV's 4's?... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

4922

Parcel Pun

Working as a cargo handler for a major package delivery company, I came across an express envelope with shipping instructions that puzzled me, particularly the line describing the contents.I finally r... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2001

Park Rules

Here's another great pun from Stan Kegel.I took my two sons, ages seven and five, to the playground at our local park. My seven year old was very proud that he was able to read to his brother the sig... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

1796

Parking 1

"Whatever you do, when you stop by the auto-wrecking yard, don't park your small car in a spot marked 'Compact.'"- Lil Owens read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2199

Parking 2

You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windshield that said "Parking Fine."That was so nice.... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

5310

Parking Pun 1

Late for work already, I was annoyed to find a strange car in my reserved parking space again. After locating a spot far away, I stormed into my office determined to have the car towed. As the morni... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2020

Parking Pun 2

Late for work already, I was annoyed to find a strange car in my reserved parking space again. After locating a spot far away, I stormed into my office determined to have the car towed. As the morni... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

3322

Parking Search

I was driving around and around a parking garage in search of an available space. Nothing. Then I noticed a couple walking ahead of me."Going out?" I called to them."No," said the man. "Just friends."... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

1706

Patient Wake Up

Just as a surgeon was finishing up an operation the patient wakes up, sits up and demands to know what is going on."I'm about to close," the surgeon says.The patient grabs his hand and says, "Oh, no y... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2058

Paycheck News

I was told by payroll that they're going to start garnishing my paycheck. It seems pretty silly, but I guess if they want to start tossing some parsley and currants into the envelope every week, it's ... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2273

Payment

If you don't pay your exorcist you get repossessed.... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

6197

Payment Pun

When the customer started through the grocery checkout line, the bag boy asked, "Paper or plastic?"When the cashier presented the bill, he held out a checkbook and credit card asking, "Paper or plasti... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

4556

Peanuts

Two peanuts walk into a bar. One was a salted.... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

1954

Pedestrians

"A pedestrian is a person who should be seen and not hurt." read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

1930

Pencils

"A horse may be coaxed to drink, but a pencil must be lead."- Stan Laurel read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2542

Penguin Ritual

Did you ever wonder why there are no dead penguins on the ice in Antarctica - where do they go? Wonder no more!!!It is a known fact that the penguin is a very ritualistic bird which lives an extremely... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2300

Pet Chiropractor

What do you call a chiropractor for pets?An animal cracker.... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2039

Pet Pun

I call my pet amphibian "Tiny" because he's "my newt." --P. Jackson... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2839

Photon Pun

Photons have mass!? I didn't even know they were Catholic.... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

1846

Photos 1

I got a package envelope in the mail the other day that had written on the front, "Photographs: Do Not Bend." Underneath the mailman wrote, "Oh, yes they do."... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

1726

Photos 2

Q: What did Cinderella say when her holiday snapshots were late?A: "Someday my prints will com."... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

1714

Physical Question

After getting a physical from my doctor, I asked, "Well Doc, how do I stand?"The doctor said, "That's what puzzles me."... read more..