2011 - Monthly Archive - Results from #1680

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2028

Prison Cupboards

Several years ago, Andy was sentenced to prison. During his stay, he got along well with the guards and all his fellow inmates.The warden knew that, deep down, Andy was a good person. So, the warden m... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2222

Prison Library Books

THE GANGSTERS by Robin SteeleMY LIFE IN CRIME by Upton O. GoodeBAD MONEY by Count R. FitzYOU ALWAYS GET CAUGHT by Sue Nora Later... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

1877

Prison Quartet

While I was preaching in a church in Mississippi, the pastor announced that their prison quartet would be singing the following evening. I wasn't aware there was a prison in the vicinity and I looked ... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

3200

Promise

“Vowing to avoid poison ivy is making a rash promise.”... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

5045

Proper Attire

Proper attire is required in the cafeteria at the University of Maine. To enforce that rule, the management posted this notice: "Shoes are required to eat in this cafeteria." Next to it, a student add... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2067

Pullover Question

Atlanta State trooper pulls over a pickup truck on I-75.He says to the driver, "Got any ID?"The driver says, "Bout what?"... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

5112

Pumping Pun

There was a man at a gas station, pumping gas into his truck. While pumping he got gas on his arm. He wiped some of it off, then forgot about it. He paid for his gas and got in the truck.As he was ... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2326

Pumpkin Math

Q: What do you get if you divide the circumference of your pumpkin by its diameter?A: Pumpkin Pi... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

1844

Pun Pun 1

A good pun is its own reword.... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2701

Pun Pun 2

The Head of The Church of Humor is the Puntiff.... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

1828

Punishment

An American history teacher, lecturing the class on the Puritans, asked "What sort of people were punished in the stocks?"To which a small voice from the back of the room responded "The small investor... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

1989

Pup Pun

A father gave his teenage daughter an untrained pedigreed pup for her birthday.An hour later, while wandering through the house, he found her looking at a puddle in the center of the kitchen floor. "... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2712

Putting

A teacher was taking her first golf lesson. "Is the word spelled 'put' or 'putt'?" she asked the instructor."'Putt' is correct," he replied."'Put' means to place a thing where you want it. 'Putt' mean... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

1953

Quarter Horse

One evening while I was preparing dinner, my daughter came into the kitchen asking for homework help on her vocabulary words. "Mom," she asked, "what's a quarter horse?"As I thought of a simple explan... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

3713

Quarter Pun 1

The British threatened to draw and quarter George Washington if they caught him.Isn't it ironic that Americans drew him on a quarter?... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2648

Quartet Pun 2

While I was preaching in a church in Mississippi, the pastor announced that their prison quartet would be singing the following evening. I wasn't aware there was a prison in the vicinity and I looked... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

6660

Quilt Pun

Sunday after church a mom asked her very young daughter what the lesson was about. The daughter answered, "Don't be scared, you'll get your quilt." Needless to say, the mom was perplexed. Later in the... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

3958

Rabbi Pun

Once upon a time there was a village up in the mountains and in this village lived the Tibet Refugees Isolated from Danger, or TRIDs. Now, the TRIDs of this village had a problem. There was a giant ... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

3070

Racetrack

A racetrack is a place where the windows clean the people.... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

1832

Radio City Music Hall

“There probably aren't many Jewish girls dancing at Radio City Music Hall, but it doesn't take a Rockette Zionist to figure that one out.“~ Gary Hallock... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

4720

Rain Pun

Late one evening, while sitting and looking out their kitchen window somewhere in northern Russia, Rudolf and his wife Tanya were observing the inclement weather."This rain is going to make a mess out... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2163

Raise

Our boss told us that she is planning a salary raise. One of the guys asked, "When does it become effective?"The boss answered, "As soon as you do."... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

1864

Raise Request

"I have to have a raise," the man said to his boss. "There are three other companies after me.""Is that so?" asked the manager. "What other companies are after you?""The electric company, the telepho read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2782

Raisin Bran Crime

Two police officers respond to a crime scene behind a grocery store. The homicide detective is already there. "What happened?" asks the first officer. "Male, about twenty-five, covered in Raisin Bran ... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2461

Rancher Pun

A rancher let his cows roam anywhere they wished. He lets the chips fall where they may.... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

15336

RaPUNzel

Fair Ladies and Noble Gentlemen:I, RaPUNzel, have a HAIR-raising tale to SHEAR with you written by the Brothers TRIMM.When I was a young CURL, a jealous queen LOCKed me in a tower.I was STRANDed and w... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

1911

Rat Presentation

Rodents had overrun a posh private school near New York City. So the headmaster asked a health inspector to deliver a slide presentation to teachers and students, showing how to remedy the situation, ... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2291

Realization Pun

A couple months ago, I entered a contest and ended up winning a few acres of swamp land below the flood plane in Mississippi.Before I knew it, right after that I won a $250,000 house, so naturally I b... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2061

Recession

I'm writing a book about the recession. It starts with Chapter 11.... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

1856

Recipe

A new young bride calls her mother in tears.She sobs, "Robert doesn't appreciate what I do for him.""Now, now," her mother comforted, "I am sure it was all just a misunderstanding.""No, mother, you do... read more..