Monthly Archive

"Centipede: An ant built to government specifications." read more..

"Chickens should learn to talk because nobody ever said let's go get a bucket of parrot." read more..

"Childhood is that wonderful time of life when all you need to do to lose weight is take a bath."- Richard Zera. read more..

"Christmas -- when what to my wondering eyes should appear, but ten extra pounds on hip, thigh and rear!" read more..

"Christmas is just like any day at the office - you do all the work and one guy in a suit gets all the credit." read more..

"Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like clearing the driveway before it has stopped snowing." read more..

"Cloning is the sincerest form of flattery." read more..

"College - The four year period when parents are permitted access to the telephone." read more..

"DIAPER spelled backward is REPAID; think about it." read more..

"Did you know that dolphins are so intelligent that, within only a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand at the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?" read more..

"Ditch the driving test for an I.Q. test." read more..

"Do the right thing because one cookie would just be afraid by itself in the dark, right?" read more..

"Do you find it strange that lemon juice is made with artificial flavor but dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons?" read more..

"Dogs lick you because they love you - cats lick you because you had chicken for dinner." read more..

"Don't be irreplaceable - if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted." read more..

"Don't go huntin' with a fellow named Chug-A-Lug." read more..

"Don't let anyone tell you you're getting old - squash their toes with your rocker." read more..

"Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive." read more..

"Don't tell fish stories where the people know you; but particularly, don't tell them where they know the fish."- Mark Twain read more..

"Don't think of it as getting hot flashes. Think of it as your inner child playing with matches." read more..

"Don't think you're on the right road just because it's a well-beaten path." read more..

"Don't you hate it when people can't sphel? " read more..

"Due to the shape of the North American Elk's esophagus, even if it could speak, it could not pronounce the word lasagna."- Cliff Clavin, Cheers read more..

"Each year a healthy adult male consumes one and one-half times his weight in other peoples patience." ~John Updike read more..

"Eschew obfuscation." read more..

"Even Popeye didn't eat his spinach until he absolutely had to." read more..

"Every silver lining has a cloud." read more..

"Everyone should have a spouse, because there are a number of things that go wrong that one can't blame on the government." read more..

"Everything can be filed under 'miscellaneous.'" read more..

"For every tax problem there is a solution which is straightforward, uncomplicated and wrong." read more..