Monthly Archive

"If you ever find yourself being ripped apart by a pack of wolves, try not to scream - everybody knows wolves can smell fear."- Sean Alex read more..

"If you haven't accomplished anything so far, then your best days are likely to be ahead of you - but then again, you should consider your track record." read more..

"If you jog in a jogging suit, lounge in lounging pajamas, and smoke in a smoking jacket, WHY would anyone want to wear a windbreaker?" read more..

"If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip." read more..

"If you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen." read more..

"If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say - talk in your sleep." read more..

"If you're a cynic, everyone's corrupt - if you're an idealist, everyone's corrupt, except you." read more..

"If you're not a part of the solution, there's good money in prolonging the problem." read more..

"If you're not receiving enough attention in a store, try knocking over some very expensive antique lamps." read more..

"Illegal aliens have always been a problem in the United States. Ask any Indian."- Robert Orben read more..

"I'm a pretty patient person - just as long as I'm not kept waiting for anything." read more..

"I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters."- Frank Lloyd Wright read more..

"I'm going to live forever, or die trying!"~Spider Robinson read more..

"I'm in great shape for a man of 65 years - it's too bad I'm only 42." read more..

"I'm nobody's fool, but am available for adoption." read more..

"I'm not 40-something. I'm $39.95, plus shipping and handling." read more..

"I'm not afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens."- Woody Allen read more..

"I'm sorry. Am I driving too close in front of you?" read more..

"I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch; my grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch."- Woody Allen read more..

"In Congress someone gets up to speak and says nothing, nobody listens, and then they all disagree." read more..

"In light of the economic crisis, My family extending the 5 second rule for dropped food to 10 seconds, especially in the case of blueberries."- Rick Griffin read more..

"In order to keep a true perspective of one's importance, everyone should have a dog that will worship him and a cat that will ignore him." read more..

"In this crazy world we live in, every 60 seconds a minute happens." read more..

"Irony: God made the tortoise with a 0.3 drag co-efficient." read more..

"It could be worse: there could be 35 teachers for every student." read more..

"It doesn't matter whether you win or lose, until you lose." read more..

"It goes without saying that you should never have more children than you have car windows."- Erma Bombeck read more..

"It is bad to suppress laughter; it goes back down and spreads to your hips." read more..

"It is bad to suppress laughter; it goes back down and spreads to your hips." read more..

"It is never wise to let any piece of electronic equipment know that you are in a hurry." read more..