Monthly Archive

"It sure is easier to get Junior up for school since he got his nose ring." read more..

"It was different when we were kids; in second grade, a teacher came in and gave us all a lecture about not smoking, and then they sent us over to arts and crafts to make ashtrays for Mother's Day."- read more..

"It's a strange world of language in which skating on thin ice can get you into hot water."- Franklin P. Jones read more..

"It's no longer a question of staying healthy - it's a question of finding a sickness you like."~Jackie Mason read more..

"It's no longer a question of staying healthy, it's a question of finding a sickness you like."~Jackie Mason read more..

"It's not a bug - it's just an undocumented feature." read more..

"It's not an optical illusion - it just looks like one." read more..

"It's not me who can't keep a secret it's the people I tell that can't."- Abraham Lincoln read more..

"It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffeemaker." read more..

"I've been having trouble concentrating lately - I think I have that attention deficit whatever." read more..

"I've spent most of my life golfing - the rest I've just wasted" read more..

"Jesus said we will always have the poor amongst us. Well, here I am."- Juan Ruiz, www.askjuan.net read more..

"Join the AAAAAA! (American Association Against Acronym Abuse Anonymous)" read more..

"Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it." read more..

"Kissing - A means of getting two people so close together that they can't see anything wrong with each other." read more..

"Last night I played a blank tape at full blast and the mime next door went nuts." read more..

"Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister and now wish to withdraw that statement."- Mark Twain read more..

"Lecturing is transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through the minds of either." read more..

"Light sabers don't kill people. Jedi Knights kill people." read more..

"Like many women my age, I am 28 years old.”~ Mary Schmich read more..

"Livestock usually is a poor choice for a wedding gift." read more..

"Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft - today, it's called golf." read more..

"May thy ball lie in green pastures ... and not in still waters." read more..

"Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage - they've experienced pain and bought jewelry." read more..

"Money can't buy happiness - but somehow it's more comfortable to cry in a Corvette than in a Yugo" read more..

"Money can't buy happiness, but it can buy ice cream, and that's close enough." read more..

"Most cars on our roads have only one occupant, usually the driver."- Carol Malia, BBC Anchorwoman read more..

"Most food cannot be kept longer than the average life span of a hamster - keep a hamster in your refrigerator to gauge this." read more..

"My father invented the burglar alarm - which unfortunately was stolen from him."- Victor Borge read more..

"My favorite party game is 'Pin the Cleanup on the Guests.'" read more..